My son is being bit by the same child at pre school - How do I address this appropriately

[Biosblbay]

So a 4th accident report has just popped up on my phone that my son has been bitten again by another child due to a disagreement. I am sure this is the same child as he has told me the same name the last 3 times, but he has been bitten before and pinched to the point it is leaving bruises and marks on his body. Unfortunately every description of the accident is due to the other child not getting their way and are pinching, biting and scratching my son to get him out of the way or off something they want to use.

When it happened the second time I did go and speak with my sons key person and the manager and they had advised me that the child is SEN so I sort of just shrugged it off on the basis they are on the spectrum, but then so is my son potentially, only mildly and currently going through a referral but he does not bite or punch etc. I understand it is different in children, but I would have thought if it was causing the child to be violent they would be better suited in a school where they are one to one with someone.

This is the 4th time in 2 weeks, I am not sure what to do at this point because i know kids can be kids but it’s happening too often for my liking. What would you do in this situation? It upsets me because my boy is so sweet and kind and lovely and is repeatedly being hurt by the same child.

Complain to the nursery in writing. They need to be safeguarding your child

I would suggest you keep a log of incidents. Ask in writing what their plan is to keep your child safe. No point in making it about the other kid. Just write that there is a worrying pattern (list incidents) and that you would like to know what their plan is going forward to keep your child safe. Escalate it up the food chain each time it happens (if it’s a school nursery, then Foundation Leader, head teacher, chair of governors, ofsted). If private nursery, they manager, head office, ofsted. Be polite but firm every time. They have a duty of care to keep your child safe.

Ask to speak to the headteacher and ask how they are going to safeguard your child. Your DC should be safe at school.

This. It's failing both your child and the child that's doing the biting for the nursery to just shrug and say it's because of SEN.

They are failing both children here.

If you know a child is a biter they should be shadowed!

Some kids bite, some don't, whether they're autistic or not it can be a phase for some kids. Its not some rare phenomenon. Nursery should be so on the ball with this. A 4th incident between the same two kids is not acceptable in my opinion.

They should have a risk assessment in place and a plan of action.

I would escalate this given how many times its happened.

How old are they? Biting is developmenaly normal for a lot of toddlers, regardless of sen. Obviously not nice to be on the receiving end, but nobody is going to approve 1-1 care for a toddler biting. They should be trying their best to keep an eye on him, but bites can happen in a second.

When I spoke to them, they said if the child who bit did it again, they'd be out. It never did happen again (and they were SEN).

Totally agree with this. I used to work in a nursery preschool room, if a kid was a biter he'd have someone near him at all times to prevent harm to the other kids. Your child being bitten 4x in 2 weeks shows they aren't shadowing the other child. Biters are fast and you have to be watching closely to intervene.

I'd also tell your child to stay away from the other child though. My son used to get pushed and upset regularly by the same child at nursery constantly, I told him to just move away and play with other children as he couldn't push him if he wasn't near. I did also speak to the nursery but they're old enough to understand somewhat in preschool.

I’ve had the same issue with my daughter, I’ve had a phone call from the nursery 5 times in the last couple of months that the same little boy keeps hitting/pinching/hair pulling, today it was whacking her across the face with a maraca. The child in questions does appear to get very overwhelmed but I know the nursery are doing everything they can to try and support both children. Today at pick up I had an informal chat and followed it up with an email, I discussed whether the parents were taking the behaviour seriously, what the nursery will do if it continues etc. I’m scared that my daughter will start defensively lashing out which would be no fault of her own. I have asked my daughter to stay well away from the boy at nursery, and if he comes too close to say please leave me alone - she replied ‘but mummy that will make him sad and I think it’s unkind if I can’t play with him’ 😢 such a sweet girl to show compassion to someone that has hurt her twice in one week. Just shows that we as parents are more bothered than the children. I’m hoping now it’s in writing things will start changing, but it is very upsetting when they get hurt.

I'd move nursery. Your child is not safe there.

I'd also tell my child not to sit there and take it and to hit him back.

I would have thought if it was causing the child to be violent they would be better suited in a school where they are one to one with someone.

I don't disagree with you, but children don't get that level of support without plenty of evidence that they need it, it can take years! At this point, biting can just be put down to age so probably wouldn't count for much until it's informing part of a bigger picture later on.
There's a petition at the moment trying to prevent more support being taken from SEND children. I wish more parents would recognise that this impacts every child!

(Reading back this comes across quite anti SEND. I am all for mainstream provision, if it is funding correctly! At the moment nobody is getting their needs met, SEND or otherwise)

That would be a reasonable response for 1 or 2 bites but 4 bites in 2 weeks is unacceptable and poor supervision.

OP I would send an email saying you're concerned that you're child has been injured on 4 of occasions in two weeks and would like to know how they are going to ensure he is safeguarded appropriately from further harm going forward. They need to either fork out for additional staff, pull their socks up around supervision or tell the other family the biter can't come until they stop biting. That's 3 options they have, none of which means having your wee one subjected to this continually.

I dont give a shit if "biting is normal" personally 😂

My child was bitten multiple times by the same child and then I was sick of nursery doing nothing, so I demanded my child was kept away from the biter unless there was complete supervision, no being allowed to toddle off and play together and also contacted Ofsted (or the nursery equivalent, I can't remember the name of it now but I'm sure someone can correct me!)
I told nursery I was calling Ofsted and miraculously they stopped my child playing with the biter, finally! Funny that.

So, in our nursery biters are shadowed however all it takes is for another child to fall , get hurt, need help and within that split second that biter has bitten.

speak to your child’s key worker and management about your concerns, it’s horrible when it’s your child being hurt.

Regardless if child is SEN, your child should not be a social experiment or biting magnet. This other child needs to be permanently removed away from your DC. End of.

Tell the nursery that if your child is bitten repeatedly again you will be reporting a major safe guarding concern to Ofsted. Children of a certain age sometimes bite, but honestly I would expect it to be an occasional occurrence. To have happened that frequently, either the bitter is biting A LOT, because he/she has bitten a number of children a number of times. This couldn't have occurred if he was being properly supervised. Or he's only biting your child, which means extra supervision should be being given to keep them apart at all times.

The fact that the other child has SEN is irrelevant as far as you’re concerned. The only child you need to advocate for is your own child and he’s being beaten up on a regular basis.

You need to read the bullying policy, recite it back to the safeguarding and leadership team, and if they take no action and/or the situation isn’t resolved, then leave.

If they don’t get the child to stop hitting. You’re going to have to relax the rules for your child hitting others in some circumstances - say when they have been hit more than once and school hasn’t done 💩 about it.

There is not much provision where schools are 1:1, especially pre-school. It’s not really a thing.

Pursue your complaint and see what they propose to keep other children safe.

They need to separate your child from him as far as possible. The problem is he may be biting other children too. He should be shadowed at all times - request a meeting with the early years lead. Yes, children bite and he is SEN, it needs to be dealt with sensitively, but your child shouldn't have to suffer along with it.