When have your children embarrassed you in public?

[Catsbumface1]

What are the times when you wish you could disappear when your kids have said or done something in public.

One year when my ds was about 4 we decided to video him when he came running in to our bedroom on Christmas morning. A few months later we were in the supermarket standing next to an older lady when he suddenly said out of the blue “Mummy remember when I came into your bedroom that morning and you and Daddy had the video camera”. I must have looked horrified but the lady was just laughing and said “I’m not judging dear”!!

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s house in the 90s and didn’t know anyone else there. My son who was about 7 behaved perfectly then at a very quiet moment said “why did the pervert cross the road?” I knew the answer to this was “because he couldn’t get his knob out of the chicken” I was sitting opposite him and managed to run around the table and clamp my hand over his mouth before he could get to the punchline. Serves me right for letting him watch Bottom with his big brothers I suppose.

I was pregnant with #2 so lots of babytalk at home. Out for a walk with DD who was 4 at the time and we walked past an older couple at the park. After greeting them she looked at the lady and said "do you have a baby in your tummy" and the lady politely responded "no I just like eating cake'. Without missing a beat DD looked the husband up and down and said "do you like eating cake too?". I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I went to my dd awards ceremony when she was in reception. She was excited to see me and waved and took her seat on the floor with her class. Class by class was called up. She gets up and gets her award, I’m so proud. Sits back down and the next class has their turn. I hear a commotion. Kids start giggling. Teachers rushing over. My dd has decided it’s too hot so is stripping off and us down to her pants.

My autistic 3 year old still breastfeeds twice a day and is absolutely obsessed with my breasts. He uses them like a comfort blanket and wants to touch them all the time. I usually wear breastfeeding friendly clothes because I also have a baby and it makes it easier to feed her. Unfortunately it also makes it easier for my son to just pull my boobs out in public which he does often. He doesn’t have the understanding for me to explain to him why he shouldn’t do this.

In the queue at the supermarket, I said to my 4 year old “once we’ve checked out, let’s go to the toilet”, and she replied at the top of her voice; “WHY? DO YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR BLOOD NAPPY?”

All my darling eldest:

• she chased a cleaner in Sainsbury's (with me running after her) to tell her 'you missed a bit' and insisted on showing her where.

• we went to a very fancy cafe which had semi nude statues as part of the decoration. Very quiet environment. She suddenly pipes up 'that statue has boobies. You have boobies'. Thanks kiddo.

• at a hospital appointment for bloods, she had a bad experience, and came out shouting 'why does it hurt so much, it's so bad', to the full waiting room for people about to go for bloods. Then projectile vomited. TBF the hospital hadn't been great with her, but it was still excruciating.

• when we calmed down from above, we walked back to the car park and were walking towards us was a Dr with dwarfism. We get to about 2m apart and my daughter points at her and said 'who is that funny little doctor nurse person thing'. My mouth dropped open, I locked eyes with the poor lady and mouthed 'I'm so sorry', she mouthed back 'its ok' and we carried on walking 😬.

• walking past two topless buff bearded guys in the park playing a game with a ball, 'look at those ladies playing mummy'

I could be here all day with hers. Somehow my youngest is yet to embarrass me. I don't think I have any embarrassment left after dear eldest.