Toddler rejects me, and I am exhausted of giving my life to him

[miamiamia869]

AIBU to be totally sick of my toddler hating on me. He is 22 months old. He has favoured his dad for around a year now so its not a phase. Before that I was his world then he got more and more obsessed with dad which is fine. About 4 months ago he asked his dad to give him bedtime bottle b4 bed and hasn't let me do it since. He screams crys smacks and throws himself about if I even try.

He hits me constantly out of no where. He won't cuddle me. When I drop him of at family's when I go 2 work twice a week he kisses n cuddles me bye and thats the only affection he shows me all week.

I know I sound crazy being offended by a toddler but I am really sick of it now after a year of it. Anyrhing I do for him is not good enough. He tantrums all day long he hits smacks, head buts me the lot. The other night I said to him do u love ur daddy and he said yeah then I said after to see what he would say do you love your mummy and he said no.

I am sooo tired as he sleeps soo bad and always has done. I am so down from being his main carer and feeling as though I have none of my life left just looking after him and he hates me. Its like a do a 24/7 job and no reward for it because he doesn't even enjoy being around me. I do all the housework errands so im not at his beck and call but I also take him for a walk or park every day. I've go soft plays trampoline parks all sorts

Send him to full time childcare and get a full time job.

I alternate bedtimes with my partner. Want daddy? Tough cheddar, it's mummy's turn.

You also need a consistent line on hitting etc between parents. I say NO and walk off. You don't need to stand there and be kicked (unless your child is in the road or something, in which case stick them over your shoulder and move them away from danger).

Are you entitled to free nursery hours?

Has he experienced any trauma? Is he developmentally where he should be?

This is quite an odd reply. Are you saying the OP should punish her toddler for not showing her enough affection?

Yep developmentally he is. His speech is coming on. Its not fantastic pretty bang average for his age. He hits his dad too. We have done the ignoring, thr walking away, the stopping his hand, we have pretended it makes us upset and he would cuddle n then do it again. Googled it and said not to do that as its giving a reaction of attention.

No trauma what so ever. Very basic, routinely life. No big chsnges in his life, nothing.

I think you need to work on the response to the tantrums - I'm like a PP, as long as they're safe I leave them to it and then will talk and cuddle once it's over. We don't negotiate with terrorists.

Bedtimes are alternated and again take the same approach, if he tantrums because it's your bedtime you walk away (obvs leaving it safe).

The affection stuff you just have to ride out. Both DDs have wanted nothing to do with me from 9-18 months old and then switched allegiance and now prefer me - BUT i'm the parent who works fulltime so it kinda aligns with your toddler - and it's mostly because I'm the novelty!

With you, you're the constant, he knows he doesn't have to win you over - hence being a little shit for you.

Work on the tantrums, the rest will follow.

DD was very much a Mummy's girl at that age, for a couple of years. She was great if DP was out, but if we were all together I wasn't allowed to do everything.

She wanted her to play with her, but she was making dinner, so I'd offer to play. Nope, she wanted Mum, so I'd take over dinner. Nope, that wasn't allowed either. Mummy had to do dinner as well. And so it went on, tantrums if I got up with her, tantrums if I put her to bed, tantrums if I did bloody anything. It was bloody hard for me, but it was even worse for DP.

It ended almost over night at about age 4. She's 18 now, and since her early teens she's probably been closer to me than her Mum. We share more interests, have a similar sense of humour. She generally tells me stuff before she tells Mum.

So no, it doesn't feel like a phase, it feels like they bloody well hate you. They don't, and it will change.