13 month old still intensely crying and I feel completely exhausted

[VF2025]

I cannot believe I am writing this post when my baby is 13 months old, but I feel absolutely drained and mentally exhausted.
My baby has always been highly intense. From the moment she was born - colic, suspected CMPA, screaming out of frustration when trying to move. Recent months have been intense screaming when I get up, walk away from her. She screams when she’s sad/upset, for attention and even when she is happy. I know all babies cry - but she is just so intense with it.

She cries in the pram, in the car seat, even sometimes while playing. I’ve always known things will get easier etc, but her screaming/crying does not. It affects me like nothing else. I feel like I am potentially suffering from PTSD - her scream is incredibly triggering to me. I feel like I have been in fight or flight mode for 13 months. I rush through every task anticipating she will scream.

Has anyone had any experience of this? I just can’t see an end to the crying. I need some stories and suggestions as I am out of options.

Can you try earplugs? They allow you to hear things but take the edge off. Also a trip to the Dr for both her and you might be useful, though I imagine you've tried everything at the Dr to see if she has allergies etc going on as you mentioned CMPA.

Was the CMPA sorted? Mine is 2 and has CMPA. The first sign he has had dairy is screaming/moody behaviour. Dairy inflames their gut so their stomach hurts but they can't express it yet.

How is her mobility? Is she walking? I'd work on that as much as possible.

Also, do you go out? I have to take mine out the house within 1.5 hours of waking or he starts losing his mind. He's a different child outdoors. We go out without fail every morning and every afternoon.

Ear defenders help.

They stop screaming anywhere near as much once they can say even a few words and realise they can ask for what they want.

My is 2.5 and we will get crying and screaming, but it's often performative and can be ignored...

Thanks for the responses and the suggestions. The CMPA has been under control, at least we think so. She was on Aptamil Pepti 2 up until 1 - she is also on a dairy free diet with the exception of the milk ladder. We’re only in the early stages of this - and it seems to be going well - but it’s hard to tell if there is any reaction because of her temperament. She’s never had any other symptoms other than the intense crying.

The paediatrician has refused to do a heel prick test because she is putting on weight and thriving. She’s been at nursery for a week and the staff say she’s settled there and doesnt really cry. However, when she sees me she bursts into tears and reaches out for me almost instantly. Then she points to the door as if to say ‘let’s go’.

I am starting to think it’s a learned behaviour and I don’t know how to improve things. I’m hoping nursery will do the trick.

I had one of these babies. It was traumatising! Tried every possible 'fix' (lots of money, medical appts and trying anything and everything) but never found out what it was. In fact just completed the dairy ladder at 3.5 (because much before this he was too fussy to be able to do the ladder/tell if it was hurting him!) and I'm pretty sure he never actually had CMPA 😅 Until he was 2 he used to get sent home from nursery because he was too upset and no one knew why. Our family really struggled.
We saw a change for the better at 2 and definitely by 2.5. He's still quite highly strung and much more 'threenager' than my first, but doesn't appear to hate life every minute of every day. We have lots of time where there is just joy and love now. He's a darling at nursery now who said the other day 'he's one of our easiest children' which is SO far from where we were a year or 2 ago.
I still feel a little bit of pain when I see other people have 'normal' babies and a peaceful maternity, if I'm honest.

A dummy?

I get it.. if I watch old videos of them as babies (always crying) I get sweaty palms! She got easier at about 2 yrs old. And a delight since then. Funnily enough her DS is a velcro baby too!

Thank you for these messages. It’s really insightful to read about everyone’s experiences. It sounds like I’ve just got an incredibly fussy baby. And interesting that @Crashthebook has delayed the milk ladder for this reason. I might see about doing the same - it’s so hard to know whether she’s upset from food or just because!

We’re just over 13 months so I am sure she will get incrementally easier in some ways. But probably best to strap in for the long run 😭🫠.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum thanks for the tip. My daughter does use a dummy and it does soothe her but it’s not a long term solution to the issue is it. I also would like to wean her off the dummy at some stage!