Why does my five-year-old listen better to his dad than me?

[2kidswelshmum]

I have a 5 year old son and a 7 year old daughter.

Generally they are both very well behaved, happy, kind and respectful children. A joy.

But I struggle with my 5 year old son at times. He’s a gorgeous, sweet little boy but he often doesn’t listen to me (despite me being firm when needed and putting boundaries in place). He listens very well to my husband, and usually straight away. I have to work so much harder to get the same response. Even if I carbon copy how my husband would respond in a situation, it does not work for me.

My son is usually overtired or emotional when he doesn’t listen, which I do understand. But why does he listen so much better to my husband? My husband and I parent in very similar ways - we are loving, firm but fair and consistent in our approach.

For example if my little boy doesn’t get his own way, he will whinge at me on repeat and follow me around saying the same thing over and over again. I start off calmly telling him no, explaining why, and repeat. Eventually I end up raising my voice (which I feel guilty about) and my son will then cry. So I spend time repairing then.

I just worry it will somehow damage my relationship with him as it happens quite a lot where I feel frazzled and worn down by him. My daughter never did this. I just don’t know why he listens to my husband so much better than me. It’s exhausting.

Any one else?

Sounds like he knows you will tell him off and then pander to him after. So his ‘no, stop whining’ doesn’t have any effect. Dad probably has a more authoritative manner.

Why does he moan more than your daughter? Are they treated the same? Or is he given more leniency?

You’re probably right there. I find if I’m firm and he cries I want to soothe him…I can’t help it. I worry if I leave him to cry I’ll somehow damage his relationship with me? What do I do when he cries? It feels unnatural to me not to cuddle him when he’s upset. I still explain why I raised my voice and that I wasn’t happy with behaviour/don’t give in to his request.

I am quite firm as a parent now as a result because I feel like I’m bracing for battle with him all the time…summer holidays probably exacerbating it!

I don’t really know why he moans more than her to be honest, perhaps I have subconsciously given him more leeway as she’s always been the eldest…

There is your answer. You aren’t damaging him, you’re setting unnecessary boundaries. You tell him when he is ready to say sorry in a normal voice without whining you will speak to him. Then when he does it you can do your hugs etc. If he is still moaning or fussing, walk away until he is ready. It’s hard, feels unnatural but so so necessary.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it 🙏 I’ll give it a go, as you’re right, my current approach clearly isn’t working ❤️

Well done you for being open minded! So many on here aren't. Let us know how you are getting on.
Buckle in kiddo - mum means business from tonight! 😂

Always keen to learn if it means I can be a better parent ☺️ haha here’s hoping! May take some time for him to get used to but he’s a smart child, hopefully he will soon learn! Have a lovely day ☺️