Only child struggling as best friend becomes distant after new sibling

[JennyAuker]

My son is an only child, he’s six and is incredibly fond of his best friend who he has known since nursery age two and in his class. Having not seen his best friend all summer holiday he’s been beyond excited to see him, but when they did see one another I noticed said best friend being quite stand offish with my son who was clearly trying to gain his affection. The other child has just had a new baby brother so I expect he’s had a lot of change but he made comments about how he was happy to have a sibling as he felt lonely before, which I’m sure want meant to be horrible but I could see my son thinking about it. It was upsetting to see.

I want my son to start making new friendships but he’s very fond of this boy and seems very tunnel visioned. I’m yet to find another child he’s really connected with and we’ve tried dates with other parents/boys in his class etc but I’m becoming concerned. Can anyone relate?

I think you're looking way to deeply into this. Children's best mates can change at the drop of a hat. I doubt it is anything to do with having a new sibling. Also you sound as little intense about this. 'I'm sure wasn't meant to be horrible'... a child saying he was lonely without a sibling? And you getting upset about that because what, your son thought he couldn't be lonely because he had him? They're 6. All sounds a bit silly.

Yeah, I mean my overriding concern/post was is really about wanting my son to make a wider circle of friends instead of just putting his all into one friendship (regardless of how reciprocal that is) but thanks for your input nonetheless

It does sound all a bit intense and that maybe you’re projecting adult emotions onto the situation.
They haven’t seen each other for several weeks. It might take a little while to get back into the swing of things. The other child was not being unkind in his comments about his new sibling.
All you can do is keep encouraging different connections. Keep trying new play dates etc. Does he do anything outside of school? Sports or beavers or similar. Children’s friends change all the time. Some people like a wide circle of friends and some are happy with just 2 or 3 special friends. Your son might be one of the latter.

Thanks, yes, lots of out of school activities - football, beavers, swimming and tennis. He just seems very fixated on this one boy and o worry that without forming other friendships it puts him in a vulnerable position if this child goes a bit cold on him.

other child’s comments around the sibling, yes of course he’s not saying that to be unkind, I was more referring to the fact that it had caused a reaction from my son. Am I concerned he’s an only child, yes, I am but I’m more concerned that my son seems very sensitive to everything this child says, I just want him to make more friends, in addition to said child.

Intense, perhaps, but I just care about my child, if that’s intense it’s a badge I’ll wear 😊

Trust me, this kid is not suddenly feeling not lonely because he has a screaming new baby at home who is getting all the attention. He is just parroting back what grown ups have said to him to explain why he has been so busy all summer. I suspect he’s been bored shoved in front of the tv while mum naps with the baby. That’s what I was doing when mine was that age with a baby brother.

I think you are placing all your internalised issues about having an only child on him. I was an only child and I never felt lonely or wished I had a sibling. Mine do have siblings and they definitely aren’t glad they do! It doesn’t stop them feeling lonely and they don’t really play with each other unless forced to.

I was thinking something similar the other day. A newborn baby is not going to be a fantastic new friend for a 6 year old. In fact, is never going to really be a ‘friend’ until they are adults probably. The baby is not going to be replacing your son.

Best friends will very likely change over the years. In our case the school my DD went to mixed up classes so she was split up from her BFF at one time. Over the years she’s gone on to have different key friendships but has now as a 14 year old has a great set of friends including a girl she was friends with at nursery and a girl who only moved to the school 2 years ago.

As a parent of an only child I would definitely recommend not having all your eggs in one basket. We’re obviously trying to engineer play dates for our children but it places a lot of pressure on one child to provide a lot of input / entertainment.

Why didn’t they see one another over the summer?

Other child’s parents are separated and the boy spends a lot of time with Dad (more so lately in light of new baby) in a different area.

Yes, thank you, you’ve basically more eloquently stated my stance, I want to teach my son not to have all his eggs in one basket. I guess time will be a factor. I also think as a parent to an only child I’m always keen to arrange play dates with other kids but I’m finding that (I guess because everyone’s busy, get that 100%) but other parents aren’t that enthusiastic. To be clear, I’m absolutely not one to hound other parents, and my son has no behavioural issues. I guess I’ll have to be patient and guide him the best I can.