Move for the children’s future or stay where we are happy?

[BeUniqueOtter]

I really don’t know what to do.

We live in one of the most deprived areas of the UK but have quite a lot of money.

I would love to move away to get a better life for our children/ future grandchildren.

The problem is we’re really happy here - good jobs, children are happy in school, gorgeous house.

My husband likes the familiarity of home and loves our house.

I can’t help but think of the future though. We’ve both said how we can’t imagine our children becoming older teens here and going out in a really rough town. We also can’t walk to anywhere from our house so everywhere is a car journey.

The children are 11 and 14 so if we don’t do it now I don’t think we will ever be able to.

We had found a house and our house is under offer almost at exchange but my husband now has major cold feet. What if we haven’t got the location right? What if the children don’t settle? What if we miss our old house/life?

Any perspectives would be much appreciated. It’s 4am and I’ve been awake all night again! The children are supposed to start their new school next week!

I’m terrified of making a mistake either way.

Well that isn't going to help DD feel settled.

It is a tricky situation because it can easily be seen (I am not saying this would be your motivation just teen perception) as prioritising one child over the other.

Are you telling the children they might move back? It doesn't give much of a feeling of needing to actually try. It also doesn't seem very fair to your son who has struggled for longer that as soon as his sister is upset then he has to give way.

I don't have a right answer for you just trying to give some thoughts for consideration.

It sounds like you need to stay for your DS. Going back to a rough area and friends you don’t want him to hang around with will be bad for his future, especially as he’s now doing well and behavior has improved. Your Dd will settle in, she doesn’t like the new school as it’s stricter but that’s going to be better for her education.

How far have you moved? Could your dd at a push get back to her old school?

You were obviously aware that at these ages it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. You’ve made the move so now you need to help them settle not just give in and go back. It just seems so impulsive.

I need to know where is this place your friend moved to? 🥺

Is your daughter in primary school or secondary school?

If it’s primary school, I’d remind myself that it’s been less than a week and of course it would take time to settle into an existing class. Of course it does matter that she’s unhappy now, but even if she doesn’t make great friends she might still end up content enough to stick it out for a year before high school. Going to high school in a rougher area has a greater chance that she’ll fall in with friends you don’t approve of.

If she’s in high school, I think she needs encouraging to see the bigger picture and give it time. Everyone in Year 7 will be new and not everyone will have tight existing friendship groups. And again, sometimes it just takes time to get into a friendship group. It took me around 6 months of high school before I was settled with friends, and the group I ended up in was a mix of newbies like me and people who’d known each other years.