In laws not giving my toddler enough food

[Reesy89]

I have an 18 month old son. He can be a bit tricky to feed at times (not for me) but other people. I help with spoon feeding and he’s independent with finger foods etc.
whenever I leave him with my in laws, the common thing they say ‘he’s not eaten much’. He hardly eats for them and he always comes home with most of his snacks and meals (that’s I pack) untouched. So I end up having to give him Weetabix etc right before his bed time because he’s starving and unsettled in the night other wise, after being over there. I feel like they don’t try enough. They also don’t like mess so don’t let him make mess whilst eating his fingers foods etc.
my in laws pester my other half for our son to stay the night there, I’m not comfortable with it because I can’t bare the thought of being starving all day and through the night.
i can’t keep making excuses anymore on why he can’t stay the night, how can i be polite about this?
since having my son I feel like my relationship with my mother in law has changed, she just infuriates me over certain things regarding my son.
I know it’s not a huge deal but it does play on my mind.

I agree. Why is he staying with them for the whole day? Do they do childcare for you to work? Re the overnights I would just say, sorry he’s too young. Not necessary imo.

Talk to them about it? I think it’s fine to say no sleepovers until he’s comfortable eating there, and that he’d likely have them up all night if he’s hungry. What’s with the lunchbox? Would GPs not prefer to do family meals with him and you could provide some suggestions like he loves spaghetti bolognaise or whatever. He might eat better too if it’s them all eating together.

Of course he’s not going to eat much if he knows he can get snacks.
I don’t understand this obsession with providing snacks to a small children every 2 minutes. Isn’t this why we have such an obesity crisis? They grow up thinking it’s ok to eat all day.

He obviously can’t stay longer until he’s eating more- and he’s staying too long now if he isn’t eating enough.

Just say that he isn't ready for overnight stays yet as he isn't eating properly when he is with them.

As PP said you don't have to make an excuse, you can tell the truth. He's not eating well enough with them at the moment so he can't stay over yet.

Just tell them! Until his eating is properly established, you're not comfortable with him being away from you for the night.

Take the onus for the eating off them and put it onto you and your son.

Absolutely no way I would have been comfortable with either of mine staying over anywhere at 18 months without one of us. It sounds like they sort of like the idea of playing at parenting again, but are probably too set in their ways to not struggle with it. I know none of our parents would have coped with an unsettled toddler all night. It’s fine to say that he’s too unsettled at night, especially after a busy day with them, for sleepovers. Re-visit in a few years.

Why not make their time with him less all day childcare and more a few fun hours at the park? Then you can feed him yourself. Fwiw, even after a full day at nursery, mine always had a hot meal at home, so I’d never not feed him after collecting him, unless it’s like 8pm.

Both my children didn’t like eating unless at home. I don’t know why it’s just what they were like. He’s clearly not ready to stay the night and I would just say that!