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Are young boys not being taught consent and boundaries through play?

27 replies

Dryshampoofordays · 22/08/2026 12:41

Does anytime else worry about children not being taught consent in play from a young age? I went to a soft play party recently, young primary age. My toddler was invited as well so I was in the play bit with them and seeing the “boisterous” boys playing was just worrying to me. There was a large group of boys constantly “play fighting” all looked stressed, getting hurt, wrestling, hitting each other, crying etc but seemed unable to stop or play any other way? I had to tell them to stop hurting each other, or tell them “he said STOP” multiple times. I have daughters and have always been so consistent in teaching stop means stop, or someone looking unsure means stop, but these boys had no concept of that at all, socially they seemed not to know how to play without the adrenaline of hurting each other. Is this common with young boys? Surely it’s down to how they are being socialised and not biological? I’m worried about the longer term impact of not understanding consent, and normalising hurting others and being hurt just as “being a boy”. I have two daughters so wondering if parents of boys think this is a thing?

OP posts:
MonkeyTile · 24/08/2026 07:15

I have a toddler son and worry about this too. It’s not just male children that seem unable to stop, I constantly have to remind DP “he doesn’t seem to like that” “he said “Daddy no”” “he pushed you away” to get him to stop touching/tickling/kissing/play fighting with DS when DS very obviously isn’t happy about what is happening. I’ve had so many conversations with DP that it’s important to teach DS about consent right from the start and that means we need to respect his boundaries and respond when he says “stop” so he learns to treat others the same. DP just doesn’t seem to notice DS’s discomfort?! I can’t quite understand it, he’s a very involved, considerate, conscientious, gentle and loving father generally.

I’m an only child and female so play fighting and this culture of irritating your family members for fun (when it really isn’t fun for one person) and not taking no for an answer wasn’t part of my childhood and it really bothers me to witness it in my home now.

Rabbitmother1 · 24/08/2026 22:12

DelilahBucket · 23/08/2026 19:59

As the parent of an adult boy, no it absolutely is not just how they play. It's very narrow minded and dismissive of you to say so. Parents like you are the problem.

You have absolutely no idea how I parent! Judgemental parents like you are the problem

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