Soon to be 4 year old won’t let me pit her to bed

[Resurrectiondad]

My daughter turns 4 this Saturday. And lately she has become extremely mummified to the point she won’t let me put her to bed. When I come through
the door in the evening she doesn’t acknowledge me at all like she use to do and won’t come near me.

I tried to put her to bed this evening and she threw a book at me screamed and said she doesn’t like me. This has now been going on for a few months but seems to be getting worse.

I’m out the door 7-5:15 weekdays to pay the bills, it’s not ideal but such is life currently. We need the money and changing jobs to work shorter hours wouldn’t work financially at the moment.

Any tips or advice on how to get her out this stage - would be much appreciated!

I’ve heard some children go through this and favour the caregiver or other parent and this does change at different periods
Who’s looking after her?
are you able to give a FaceTime from work on your lunch break if she’s not in childcare?
can you plan something for the weekend(like a picnic on the park) and tell her “in three sleeps mummy is taking you to X’ to give her something to look forward to
have you tried acknowledging that she is angry and that’s ok but she can’t throw books, if she is angry then she can squeeze a pillow teallybhard.
you can get a noodle board and ask her ‘which face do you feel when mummy is at work’ and if she puts the sad face you explain that it’s so you can do nice things with her etc

They go through phases.
This week only Mummy will do. Im sure Dad will be the prefered parent soon.

That said, I can still remember the gut punch when a very small child crawled to the front door whenever DH came home chuntering Dadadadada, when it was me who had spent the whole day with him!

Keep going. Try and find some time at the weekends for 1-1 time.

Dd2 used to cling to me and cry when it was DH's turn to do bedtime (alternate nights). Dh usually had her giggling by the time they were half way up the stairs.

Persevere. Get mum to go out for bedtime, (maybe with promise that if DC behaves there will be time for extra story from mum when she gets in?)

Agree. Get her Mum to go out or pretend to so DD doesn't know she's in the house. I wouldn't be promising extra stories though. They don't forget!

Pretty sure the OP is the dad from the user name and the way the post is worded…

I think your answer is contained within your other thread.

OP it’s tough. When my youngest was a toddler all he wanted was “Daddy”. He’d run past me when picking up from the childminder to go straight to him. A year or so later and only Mummy would do. It admittedly then stayed that way… but that’s because my husband doesn’t do anything with the kids.

As long as you are spending time with your child, showing an interest in what they are doing and saying, playing what they want to play when you are there, this will be a phase they outgrow. If, however, you are out at work all day, get home and sit down snapping at everyone because you’re tired, don’t help with bedtime routine, at the weekend you go out to do a hobby all day, or you just sit and watch what you want on the tv whilst your wife/partner spends time with the kid(s) don’t be shocked if it doesn’t change.

Only you and your immediate family know how hands on you are. My husband made out he was dad of the year in public - at home he just didn’t give a shit, and it’s obvious in the lack of relationship he has with the 3 boys now (youngest is now 14). The good news is, if you aren’t doing enough, it’s still early enough to step up.

Based on this, I just looked it up.

You’ve moved out of the family home twice in your nearly 4 year olds lifetime and it sounds like all you do with the kids is bedtime and you’re wondering why they only want Mummy.

God help me, no wonder your wife is pissed off if you need it spelling out to you.

Both of ours went through this, and experiment/take turns with who their preferred parent is. It’s not nice being on the outs, they can be so mean! I think it’s just testing us though, eg. will they still love me if I say XY or Z or misbehave. And they feel insecure with the parent who is around less. Be very consistent with bedtimes, don’t switch who is doing it based on who they want to be doing it. As pp said, get the other parent to leave the house (or pretend they’ve left). I always reply ‘oh well, you don’t like me, but I love you and always will.’ And also ‘you’re angry at me for being at work.’ And repeat, because they love to hear it, ‘I was thinking about you when I was at work, etc.’ and ‘even when I’m far away I think about you,’ Anothrr line if we’ve had a bad bedtime, I’ll say the on the morning of the next bedtime I’m doing: ‘I don’t think bedtime on Tuesday went very well, neither of us had fun. Let’s have a really nice one tonight. Here’s what we’ll do… we’ll get you ready for bed, then cuddle up and read a book before you get into bed and fall asleep.’ Also you could introduce a chapter book that only you read so that they look forward to your nights, or always have new books from the library that are just read on your bedtimes.

Ok change the word mummy to daddy