Dynamic of big sis, little bro, 4 year age difference

[bslbdynamic]

I have a 3yo DD and expecting a DS, so there will be roughly a 4 year age gap between them.
I’m curious what the sibling dynamic is generally like with this sort of age gap, particularly with an older girl and younger boy.
For those with a similar gap, when did they start properly squabbling? Was there a particular age/stage when things got more difficult, e.g. when the younger one became mobile, started getting into the older one’s things, or when they were both a bit more independent?
And for those whose DC are older now — how have they ended up getting on? Are they close, or does the age gap make quite a big difference as they get older?
I know every family is different, but I’d be interested to hear people’s experiences.

I have a DD and younger DS, 3.5 years inbetween. Overall it's gone well, they love each other (but sometimes too much... and not always at the same time). DD is sweet with him, will share her snacks (she checks first), will tell him stories in the car that sort of thing.

They're 5 and 18m now and it's pretty challenging at the moment - I think because DS is starting to have a mind of his own and do what he wants, which isn't always what she wants, or he wants to do exactly what she's doing, which she doesn't like! Usually it's manageable because she's at school but the holidays haven't given them much of a break from each other.

I have a four year age gap. But the other way around. They are 16(ds) and 12(dd).

They’ve always got on really well! No squabbling, but ds went through a really annoying phase when he was 14 were he was just, well. Annoying! 😅… to everyone, esp to dd when he was bored. He would be a bit over bearing such as trying to get in her way when walking, and splash her with water. It’s all really trivial!

To be honest, they don’t really have much to do with each other anymore. Yes they get on well. But it’s a little bit like having only children. They’re friendly but not friends iyswim. They wouldn’t choose to spend time together unless they’re on holiday and there’s no other choice!.. not because they don’t like each other. But because they’re different.

It did make me feel sad for a while. But then hearing stories from friends and relatives of their closer in age dc (esp brothers) constantly squabbling or winding each other up! Our house is peaceful ☺️

The gap was a godsend when dd was born, as ds started school and i had 6hrs each day during maternity off just me and her… just like I had with ds. He was also easier to parent because he was 4.

The only thing i remember regretting was feeling like I’d lost freedom for much longer than fellow mums, who had the baby/toddler stage over with within four years. Whereas I started again!… but that’s totally irrelevant now ☺️

I have two sons (21 and 18). They always got along but not really close. The past couple of years they are getting on better. Will play on the PlayStation together or go out for a long long walk together. It's taken some time though

There’s a gap of 4.25 years between me and my little brother. I started school 3 months after he was born.

We didn’t argue much as kids, as we were into different things/at different stages. He went through a phase as a toddler of kicking my shins, but I was very understanding about it (what a saint!) When he started school, I remember hugging him in the playground. I wasn’t conscious of influencing him much, but he says I taught him how to put on a watch and got him into indie music. I think sometimes he would have liked someone closer in age to play with, although that’s partly about personality: I have always loved reading and being on my own.

I think my parents found the gap easier: DM has a chronic lung disease, and was worried she wouldn’t cope with a baby and a toddler.

I would say we’re close now, though not as close as some same sex siblings are.

I have a 4.5y age gap with an older daughter and younger son. Currently 9 and nearly 5 and it’s mainly fine! She enjoys helping him and they do play together. He’s recently started to get more annoying to her but I imagine in the same way most siblings annoy each other! She can be a bit overly bossy to him too! Was lovely having all day with him whilst she was at school and having the purpose of the school run to get out and about each day.

I have a 12 year old girl and 8 year old boy. Honestly it’s fine. They get on well. They do squabble but not loads. I think when he was a baby she was more secure had better understanding and less jealousy than she would have done with a smaller gap. It was so nice when he was a baby to have a fully verbal fully toilet trained child. She was very sweet and caring with him. I’ve not found the gap too big for finding common entertainment and things to do as a family. It’s been great. They are at slightly different life stages but in some ways it’s been good. They have a sufficiently big gap they aren’t competitive on sports and school things. My younger one is definitely my less “high needs” child which I think has helped. Sometimes the emotionally maturity gap feels like less than 4 years.

Should also say I have a brother 4 years younger (we have another sibling in between). We were very close as children not so much now but I think that’s because we are quite different people and our lives have taken quite different paths not because of the gap. We get on fine when we see each other no animosity just don’t see loads of each other or actively seek out each others company.