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Is my 14 year old son lying about his YouTube use?

2 replies

CocoCocoMademoiselle · 13/08/2026 13:45

Hope someone can help me.

Earlier in the year, I discovered my son was looking at some odd material on YouTube. I won't say what exactly, as it might be too outing for us. He is 14 years old. I know, they grow up so fast. I think I'm a good mother, not overbearing, but there were some odd jokes I overheard between him and his friends when they stayed over a while back, all the same age, from his class at school. He has a Smartphone and I allow use until a certain time of night and I do keep an eye on what he's consuming.

So after the odd jokes and comments, about quite aggressive behaviours towards girls and women, I checked his phone and his Google History was worrying. Also his YouTube history. I had a very gentle motherly conversation with him and he said he was ashamed and it was mainly due to his friends "messing about". I noticed the times he was often looking were when he was alone though.

We discussed misogyny, I thought I had brought him up to respect women, and outwardly he is a very kind and sensitive, well spoken young man. What is going on in his head is more worrying, but of course I am aware that our youngsters are surrounded by this stuff and even if we block it for them, their friends can sometimes have ways around it.

This was back in March/April time. I decided to track his phone and I hadn't seen anything else since then. Until yesterday. I put our TV on and decided to watch some YouTube. I would normally watch on my IPad or computer to wind down, don't use the TV for social media at all usually. I started typing into the search bar at the top of the YouTube screen, something totally unrelated, and up popped searches for the violent material with a clock next to them, which I know means they are someone's searches, not suggestions.

When I checked the Youtube history on the TV, there was nothing saved there and it was not logged in to any account. But there were at least 10 to 15 searches popping up with the clock next to them. He denies it and says the searches "just appeared". I challenged that, he said they were from before March/April time.

My issue is there are no dates or times in the search bar. Can someone please advise? I've tried to test it on my phone and it looks as if the search bar only saves the last few months of searches, signed in or not. The History is different of course. I need to figure out whether my son is lying or not.

Nobody else uses this TV in the living room. And noone else would be looking for this material anyway. Help! Is he lying to me?

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AmberLime · 13/08/2026 18:04

It is possible he is lying. It's also possible he is not. It is feasible that these searches could be there from before your Easter chat. You cannot know for certain other way.

I would ask you, on a fundamental level, what difference would knowing for certain make? I think the outcome should be the same either way - the focus here should be on education not punishment.

So, I would tell him emphatically that you believe him (even if you're not sure). "I absolutely believe in you Son. I know you wouldn't do that.. " gives him the message that trust and respect him. If he didnt resume the searches, he will value the trust. If he did do the searches but silently thinks you have not found out, this approach doubles-down on his knowing you are highly disappointed in that behaviour. The shame-response could be self-limiting.

Then, use this as an opportunity to talk about misogyny again. Last time (in Easter) the conversation was likely tinged by some shame-response from him. This time, talk about the same stuff, reaffirming the point. Maybe develop into some deeper stuff, if hes open to talking. Try to get him telling you about why he thinks this sort of thing. Use the whole situation to carry on educating him about this.

Aim for on-going conversations about social media, peer pressure, FOMO, misogyny, what sexual harassment looks like, boys roles in challenging sexual harassment in their peers, and do on... It doesn't really matter if hes lying or not. The outcome of ongoing education is the same (keep checking his phone and TV tho)

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 13/08/2026 18:06

You've got two threads on this somehow, I posted this on the other one

"We don't use youtube on the TV much. I've just looked and theres a couple of searches in there that must have been there from last November. (Film trailers that we watched when they came out)

So yes, the searches on your TV could have been from before March, if you've not used youtube much in the interim"

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