Anxious about my 2-year-old's speech delay and waiting for assessment

[TheDenimCritic]

Just want to vent out as my anxiety and the uncertainty of all this are just plaguing me. DS is 2 years and 7 months and the only word I heard him utter is Mama and he's starting to use it more in context now when he wants something. He used to say Baba to mean food/drink but this has disappeared. He's been in nursery for about 7 months now but still no improvement with speech. He's had his hearing test done and no concerns. He's been applied to speech and language therapy twice and they keep closing the request for assessment as they want some targeted interventions to be done first and I feel like they find this not urgent. I have been reading, talking and singing to him since he was a baby. I 'm ready to receive an autism diagnosis but still waiting for a peadiatrics consult. But this uncertainty of his future whether he will remain non verbal is just making me anxious. I just hope one day he can start saying words. Also, he's not very responsive to instructions. No gestures also.

Just came on to wish you and your family all the best❤️
I hope the testing goes well. Boys tend to be somewhat “slower” than girls. My little boy is 2 and he isn’t speaking as well as my little girl was, but I know that to be normal as I have nephews who were also slightly slower with speech. Best of luck 💐

DS had a speech delay. I asked for a referral the summer he turned two and it wasn't until the following June we actually saw someone in person. So keep persevering I know it's a long process.
Does he give any other signs of being Autistic? Does he communicate by pointing or gestures etc?

What is his understanding like? can he follow simple instructions without any pointing or gesturing?

How long can he pay attention to a interesting activity for (something that doesn't involve screens)?

How does he tell you he wants things- will he point? did he ever take your hand and lead you to things?

My 6 year old has AUADHD and only became semi verbal at 5 years old. I would focus much more on his behaviour at this age:

does he wave, point, copy actions and interact with other kids? Does he respond to his name? Does he play with toys appropriately? I recall DS always just turning items upside down and trying to dismantle stuff. If you handed him a toy truck he would just flip it and try to open the battery compartment or smash it against a wall or throw it. I never felt like he was interacting with me. He wouldn’t follow books if we read together he just wanted to rip the pages or flip between them constantly. He wouldn’t play with me; like in a toy kitchen etc and when we were out and about he had no reference to me; wouldn’t look for me or refer back to me. He would run off at the first opportunity and wouldn’t look back or respond. I tried to go to play groups etc but he wouldn’t engage at all and would just relentlessly try to escape the room into the car park/street.

There was obviously something amiss. It was very very hard to manage and keep him safe from himself a lot of the time.

I was going to ask about understanding too. If you ask him to put something in the bin or get his shoes, can he do it. The understanding of language is much more important than the actual speech at this stage.

All of my DC were slow talkers, one has a diagnosis of ASD. The others may have it but haven't been assessed as they're doing ok.

They are all doing very well and all have great language skills now.

My DD had a speech delay. I was incredibly worried at the time. She does have a diagnosis of autism. But she is also ahead of her class in many subjects and one of the most beautiful spirits you can imagine. She has her own passions and she's always been a little ethereal.

Totally rubbish at being a teenager and reading social cues but brilliant at imagining the hidden reasons for why people might behave the way they do. She lives on or near a pony. I think back to how sad and fearful I was when she gained and lost her words before two. Her vocabulary is extensive but she still forms her sentences quite formally. I wouldn't change anything.

I didn't force her to do anything. If she wanted to lie on the carpet watching the leaves outside for an hour, that's what she did. If she had an interest, I made it a point of connection and gave her a sense of ownership. We read endlessly. We home educated for a while. Just stay in touch with what you feel your child needs and don't panic if you can help it. They will become somebody and you will love that person more than any idea you have in your head.

Aw OP I've been there with my child, but the difference 18 months has made has been incredible and they are now speaking in sentences. I don't know how useful the speech and language input has been tbh, keep talking and singing and looking for the ways they are communicating. My child would hand lead and use their eyes. They only started pointing around 3 years old, after they could tell me what they wanted! My child is awaiting an assessment for autism- it's a 2+ year wait where we are.

Thank you very much. I keep telling myself that too. But I’m ready for anything he may have. I just wish there would be a bit of improvement with his speech.

Yes, I’ll try and keep pushing for any support. He may have autism. He doesn’t point or wave. He’s been hand flapping when happy or excited. He likes to put things in his mouth. But whenever he wants something like a packet of his snacks, he will bring it to me for me to open.

No he cannot follow instructions and no gestures. He does lift his arms up when he wants to be carried. He would mainly whine or cry when he wants something so it’s still a guessing game whether he’s hungry or thirsty. The only thing we find amusing is he would bring any food he would find lying around towards us and that means he wants it and wants us to open it for him. And when be finds his water bottle he’ll drink straight away from it. I’m just a glad that there’s a bit of cognition there.

Yes my boy is exactly that. But since attending nursery, he’s been more interested in other children more. He would join in without hesitation and when he sees other kids when we’re out he’ll be looking or staring at what they are doing like he seems very interested in them. But yeah, he doesn’t pay attention to toys and books for a very long time. He likes playing with drawstrings and this can keep him occupied for quite a while. I honestly don’t mind him having autism but I just wish he won’t remain non verbal.

How have you been coping so far? To be honest, I do have times where I feel like why does this have to happen to my child. I’m willing to support him whatever it takes but some people tend to be overly judgmental and not very understanding about all this.

No, to the point actually where I’m doubting if his hearing test was done accurately. When you show him things, he seems to understand. Although I know he can hear because when I start singing he would turn to me. It just feels like he can’t really process any language yet.

Aww that’s beautiful. I mean I honestly do not mind a diagnosis of autism. To have their own unique personalities to me is amusing. I just feel very uncertain at this point at what his future will be like.

The advice from autistic people, particularly non speaking autistics, is to assume competence, to value all forms of communication, and to support AAC - alternative and augmentative communication. Do some research on objects of reference, makaton, picture exchange and high tech communication apps (but be wary of ABA approaches - basically anything where you withhold what the child wants until they communicate with you). Just to reassure you that the research says that none of these AAC strategies will delay speech and communication - they support language development.
If you can afford to go private, the best speech and language consultants for this approach is Libby Hill, Small Talk speech and language: https://www.private-speech-therapy.co.uk/
I work with non speaking autistic kids, and they are my favourite people in the world!

Yes, I won’t stop supporting him. It might be a slow progress but I’ll keep on persevering. It’s just hard to be in this position right now like you don’t know where you’re at to the point that I don’t even know if I’ll have another child for fear of going through this again.

My son is exactly like this and I feel the exact same as you its so hard waiting on the assessment of not knowing 😑

Looking at your updates I can see why your thinking it is autism rather than a language disorder.

Have you employed what is available on your local area? Things like early bird courses can run for families awaiting diagnosis where it can be helpful to meet other parents in similar position. Look online at your councils local offer and the children centre/family hub websites

How old is your son now?

Yes I found like a stay and play session specifically for SEND. It gives me anxiety to let him join stay and play sessions for NT kids, it’s like I’m being face planted with the fact that he is so much different than other kids his age. I’m glad though that his nursery also has a SEN programme and he mingles with NT kids.

Sounds like my son who is four. He would rather play with days of the week which he could rip off the wall and stick them back on. He has a bit of speech but not much. We have just had a diagnosis of autism. He will observe children but not play with them.

He Is communicating. Eg bringing food packet.
Make choice boards so he can point or PECS
Try sone aac apps on ipad eg gridforipad

You can buy some ready made pecs cards on amazon lok for "pecs cards" use the relevant ones for your child or make your own
Also makaton signs watch mr tumble cbeebies