Positive experiences of being an only child or raising one

[Opticianjoe]

I would love to hear some positive experiences from adults who are only children, or from parents of older only children.

I’m at that stage where pregnancy is now or never because of my age, but my DH and I have recently realised that we don’t actually have a strong desire to have another child - we thought it might come, it never has. The only reason we would be considering it is to give our daughter a sibling. I know my own capacity, and I don’t want to make such a big decision based on pressure from other people. We’re getting a lot of comments from family about having another, they basically make out like our child will grow up sad, lonely, or alone as an adult if we don’t. I’m finding it hard not to let that get into my head but at the same time I find this rhetoric really old fashioned, my DD is at school and 5 of her classmates are only children, it’s not that unusual now. My mum and dad are actually the worst - which is odd considering I have two siblings and only (barely) talk to one!!

So I would really love to hear from older only children who have had happy childhoods and have fulfilling lives as adults, or from parents who have seen their only child grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult. I’m looking for reassurance and positive stories, so i would really rather not hear negative experiences (they won’t be helpful as i hear them all the time anyway!!) Thank you!

That's amazing!

I had a sibling, but we became estranged due to his alcoholism. So care for elderly parents fell entirely to me anyway. But inheritance still split despite being administered by myself. No guarantee that a sibling guarantees a happy life. Before that even happened DH and I agreed on one child because we wanted travel, private education, expensive hobby and sport skills et cetera et cetera. DS (now grown up) enjoyed being an only child and he and his wife agreed before they married they would have an only child for the same reasons. Downside is you always have a friend in tow….. to avoid isolation….most weekends DS had friend over for sleepovers and summer holidays were spent in our small second home by the coast where there were a lot of other children from families in similar circumstances. They all got on and met up every summer… still do now they are adults. Other advice is to keep proper printed photographs in albums and to write up the memories alongside the photographs because there won’t be a sibling to reminisce with when both parents are gone. In my case that didn’t happen anyway but I think I was unlucky in that my sibling was an alcoholic. It worked very well for us and DS still very close to his parents. He has his own DS now and he will be my one and only GS.

Never have a child you don’t want for the reason that you think you’re doing someone else a service.

My mum is one of 7, she barely speaks to any of them. I wish I was an only! My DS is an only and he loves it, in his 20's now and is doing so well. He had so much time put into him, we were able to focus on him and we are able to help him more financially because he's an only.

I am an only child and my son is an only child. My mother would have liked to have a big family but had fertility issues due to endometriosis and had a hysterectomy when I was six.. I clearly remember being about 8 or 9 and deciding I did not want to have any siblings as I would have to share my toys! I did use my only status to plead my case to get a puppy for company.

Like my mum I also had bad endometriosis, I had hoped to have two children but my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and not long after I had a hysterectomy aged thirty. My son used say he wanted a little brother but once he was at an age to understand I explained about the miscarriage and hysterectomy, after thinking for a minute he said "so I was a big brother?" and that seemed to satisfy him.

The biggest thing about only children is they can be perceived as spoilt, my response is always that, yes the money available to be spent on children didn't have to be split between siblings but neither I or my son ever got things just for asking and were brought up to be very grateful for all we had. The biggest advantage we both probably had was that there was some money available to invest in our educations.

Spent 13 years with an only child just focusing on us two. Once met my dh discussed more with oldest and had another 3 and he kept saying for a few years he didn't realise how much fun it would be and now despite age difference they all get on twins and singles and go out together etc and I'm glad I had more as the thought of first being alone one day filled me with dread since I come from a big family myself

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/one_child_families/89525-in-praise-of-only-children-the-great-things-about-having?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I'm an only, now in my early 60s. As others have said, there's nobody to share the mental load of elderly parents with, but then that's also true for many people with unhelpful siblings. I never wanted siblings as a child and am happy without now. The main downside as a child and even to some extent as an adult was dealing with other people's pity or patronising attitudes, saying I must wish I had siblings or other similar unhelpful remarks. This is a particular issue in my experience from people with several siblings themselves (such as my MIL), who can sometimes be quite smug about this. Otherwise, I never had a problem with it and still don't. Don't worry!

My son is 14 and I’m currently on holiday in Spain with him (I’m divorced so just me and him). We’re having a great time. He’s basically my best mate and I love him so much. He’s captain of his football team, has loads of mates and is top set for everything at school. He sees me and his mum 50/50 and is very happy, he wants for nothing. He’s spends a lot of time on his own but is sociable at the same time. He has stated many times he wouldn’t want siblings but my partner has older kids (young adults) and he gets on fine with them.

I’m one of four and that’s fine as well. As others said though I’ll inherit a quarter of hardly anything whereas my son will be rich when his parents are gone.

Being an only child is fine, crack on.

I am so pleased to see the initial positive responses from only’s and mothers of only’s. Both me and my DD can only say we have loved every step of the way. From the moment I brought her home from the hospital, 30+ years ago and every birthday, every milestone, every accomplishment, every graduation, every qualification since has been a joy. Really! MN speak for an easy child.

She sent me a picture of her latest professional certificate today.

I am one of 8. DD thanks me that she has no siblings.

Yes, I think dynamics are very much over thought. There are just too many factors.

My nephew is a born big brother, he wanted a sibling and he does love him. But when he was a toddler, he struggled with the divided attention from his parents, and his brother is autistic so he doesn't "get" the planned perfect sibling experience either because he won't engage in the joint play my nephew loves.

My son is an only... So far. We have about 1.5y before that decision becomes settled, I think. But he loves his friends, and though he knows what a baby sibling is, he's never said he wants one - and how can a toddler know that they want anything other than a play buddy? Not someone who'll take half his parents money, attention, and quite possibly not like playing with you anyway?!

This brought a tear to my eye. Such a lovely post. I feel the same about DS. He's only 12 but every step has been a joy. He is very glad that he has no siblings as a baby would probably try to wreck his collection of cars! I think he might not want any kids of his own as the sound of babies crying annoys him. But once he pointed at a cute baby in a pram staring at him and said "look" to me and smiled at him which was kind of touching.
Hes only 12 though so no grandkids yet!! Lol