Struggling to manage my son when he is with his younger sister

[allofthetimelately]

Ds is 5; 6 at the end of the year, so going into year 1. He’s always been full of energy and was quite difficult to manage as a toddler, mostly because he was quite insistent on trying to do things / go on things much too old for him and he also quickly got into altercations with other children. He seemed to calm down a bit at around three and a half and I’d say he’s mostly been quite nice since around four. He definitely has his moments but not a massive problem; he eats (very!) well, sleeps well, nothing to see here kind of thing.

However, I had another baby when ds was just over two and a half and when I have the two of them together they are both more difficult to manage than when I have them alone but she’s now three and I can see she’s a lot calmer and easier to manage. I feel like when I have them both I am telling ds off 9% of the time which I realise isn’t good for either of us, but we get to a point where I can’t ignore behaviour and then I have to be really stern / firm because he isn’t responding to a polite ‘don’t kick the door’ or similar.

I would think it was just crap parenting (maybe it is!) but the fact he’s nice and manageable and for the most part a pleasant child alone makes me think I’m not that bad. I just really shouted at him because all the way home from the park he was shouting and singing constantly and my nerves were a bit on edge but then as we got to our house he bellowed HOME so loudly it shocked me and I nearly crashed! (I’ve told him before about not screaming in the car.) He’s quashed for all of five seconds then off again.

DD is now at preschool (so term time only) so I’ve lost my ‘respite’ with ds. I’m really struggling with a future with them both all the time as ds is just such bloody hard work with dd and I don’t know why

I’m not clear on the problem. He’s a bit shouty and sings a lot? Then you mention kicking a door?

@Likeiloveyou i guess what I’m trying to explain is how manic and wired he becomes. So loud and shouty. Not listening to me or to anyone. We were at a little play area with a toy house and he wouldn’t stop kicking the door repeatedly, until I told him we’d have to go if he didn’t. His whole character changes I suppose is what I’m trying to get across and not for the better especially.

Attention seeking maybe? It’s odd it’s only when he’s with DD…

Did he stop when you said you’d have to go if he didn’t?

He did but then seconds later he’s doing something else stupid. This is the problem, it’s exhausting and grinds me down and then I end up overreacting to something stupid (like the shouting.)

I do think overall this is fairly normal. Small boys are inherently silly for the most part. Very funny and bright and brilliant in many ways but … very silly.
You really need to work out which things are actually poor behaviour that have a negative impact on other people - so hitting, rudeness, doing things that may cause damage for example. And then what is just him being slightly irritating and attention seeking. Walking along singing on the way home is not ‘bad’ behaviour. It’s just 5 year old behaviour.
All children are easier on their own. They don’t have to share your attention and your patience is greater as there is only one to have worry about.
He sounds very normal to me.

And when he continues with behaviour you’ve told him to stop and threatened with consequences what do you do? Do you apply the consequences?
I would suggest that in some ways you need to be more tolerant of 5 year old behaviour and in others may need more consistent and firm boundaries.

I probably do need to be more tolerant of five year old behaviour, I’m just finding him an awful lot in terms of noise and mess and physical stuff (the kicking for example.) He does stop but then immediately there’s something else. And it does get exhausting endlessly dealing with it.

Small children are exhausting. The ages of your two are probably some of the worst for being irritating and exhausting! That’s why we put them to bed at 7! And drink wine.
Do you have friends or family you can spend time with to sort of dilute the annoyingness?
And losing your temper with him every now and again is also normal and does not make you a bad mother. Have you tried redirecting him into more appropriate, less annoying things? So, at the park, if he’s kicking things set him a challenge on the nearest bit of play equipment.. I presume you do the obvious things like take a ball along.