Is it normal to feel worried after a son moves out?

[DearBlueBee]

My youngest son has just moved out at the age of 20. He's moved into a rented property with his girlfriend, which is 10minutes down the road. I have an older son still at home so have never had this experience before. Since he left I have felt a mixture of emotions. The most intense feeling is worry. I go to bed worrying that he'll be ok, manage in his own home, not have issues with neighbours. It tends to be the same feeling I wake up with. We have a close relationship so I know he'd more than likely tell me if there was anything bothering him but it doesn't stop these feelings. I've cried every day since he left and have tried to occupy my time but can't concentrate on anything due to these feelings. I don't have anyone to talk to that has went through similar just to check if this is normal or I'm just having an extreme reaction! I just want to go to his house and bundle him and his things up and bring him back home 😥

My 21 year old youngest son just moved out and I haven’t felt any of these emotions. I’m just happy for him, and have let him know I’m around if he needs me.

It must be a big change if you didn't go through the university years as a half way house

Normal to miss them but not normal to have this level of anxiety in my opinion. He's 10 minutes up the road, he knows he can call you if he needs help with anything. There's really no need to worry. Learning to deal with the day to day stuff like neighbours, household things and bills etc is all part of growing up.

I think it's like when they start school, it's fine to be unhappy with the change in circumstances for yourself but you have to keep telling yourself that he's in the right place for him.

Aww this is totally normal honey. He’s been living with you for 20 years, you can’t just turn that care off overnight. It sounds like you took his wellbeing and that that parental sense of responsibility incredibly seriously and rightly so. The transition to letting him take on that responsibility for his own care is scary!

All I can say in my own experience is that it eases with time. I found keeping busy, occupying myself and every time I felt sad or worry I would say to myself “I’m not going to dwell on that now, I will think about it later”, and then at the end of the day I had 20 minutes where I would cry and let it all out. The first month was the hardest, but about month 3 it started to ease and was bearable, 6 months was still there but at the 1 year mark the pangs had become a lot more manageable. 2 years down the line and maybe once or twice a month I will still have a cry. I suppose it’s like the grieving process isn’t it really. You are having to say goodbye. Hugs mama bear x

It’s normal to miss them, shed a few emotional tears as they leave, and hope that they’re doing okay, but crying everyday, and being consumed by grief, is a bit of an extreme reaction. Try to reframe your emotions and be proud if what they’ve achieved.

Thank you. I do hope it starts to feel better in time