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Parenting

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Pregnant and struggling with bf, should we live apart?

3 replies

SameDame · 31/07/2026 21:40

I’m 6month pregnant with my bf of 2years. I am also a solo mum to a 4 yo.

The pregnancy was a total shock. I had come to terms with not having more children after an ectopic (before meeting bf) ruined my one good tube. We decided to continue with this pregnancy as found out relatively late. Also, my dc was ivf and after so much struggle and pain to have a child, I couldn’t bear to terminate a natural pregnancy. My bf said this hadn’t been in his plans but he loves me and will love our baby and be there.

We live separately about 30 miles apart and it has worked well that way. I hadn’t wanted to move in together as my dc is happy and I didn’t see any need to disturb what works. He wasn’t fussed about moving in because he likes his own space and his location is convenient for his work.

Since finding out about pregnancy, we’ve been spending more time together and discussing the best living arrangement. Sadly, we can’t seem to get on. Every conversation ends up as an argument or bickering. And I mean everything. I don’t want my dc picking up on these bad vibes. It’s got to a point where I don’t initiate any conversation and try to answer questions as innocuously as possible. I’ve suggested we could go to work on our communication skills in counselling and that was outright dismissed.

I don’t know what to do for the best here. I’m not sure I can handle a newborn and a young child alone and at the same time, I want my kids to grow up in a happy home. What to do?

OP posts:
Sleepytimepleaseee · 31/07/2026 21:44

It sounds like you currently live separately and you need to continue to do that. You'll be caring for your older child and baby alone whether you live with him or not, but if you do live with him you'll have the stress of constant arguments to deal with as well. It would be very unfair to purposely bring your children up in this environment.

whippersnapper55 · 02/08/2026 06:30

What are you arguing and bickering about?

SameDame · 02/08/2026 20:02

whippersnapper55 · 02/08/2026 06:30

What are you arguing and bickering about?

Ridiculous things - like how I stack the dishwasher, how I fold laundry, different ideas on social plan. Also he finds it annoying if I change a plan to accommodate my dc e.g. the other day we had a restaurant reservation but dc was exhausted and acting up a bit. It wouldn’t have been fun for me at the restaurant. I suggested takeaway instead and he got really annoyed. Then the bigger stuff like he says he feels that I just expect him to fit into my life and my way of doing things and there’s no space for him. I have tried many times to discuss how we could build
something shared together and to understand specifics of what he means but he struggles to have any positive ideas or contributions, just vague criticisms

OP posts:
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