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Parenting

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How to support my daughter through repeated exclusion at school and playdates

3 replies

ShinyCrow · 31/07/2026 17:56

My daughter is almost 7 and couple of weeks before Summer we found out she’d been spending breaks alone as her friend group weren’t letting her join in. We redirected her to play with other kids in the class which did help.

She went to a morning summer camp for a week with one of the girls from the original group and they were getting on well so I arranged a play date with their mum for after the last day. A few days before though, the mum messaged a small group chat I’m part of to ask if anyone wanted to come along to the soft play on the day and time we’d already arranged (without mentioning to me first). I know she’s going through lots at the moment so she maybe forgot but it was odd.

It turned out the girls from the group that were excluding my daughter were the only other kids going.

The mum that originally invited me was looking after one of the kids and they were going back to play at their house after soft play. As we were getting ready to leave the other girl was upset she wasn’t going with them. The mum told her mum she could come too, but didn’t invite my daughter.

This isn’t the first time she’s done this sort of thing in front of my daughter and it results in her being upset she’s not invited.

I asked if they were arranging that to try not to speak about it in front of my daughter as she was right there and could hear what they were saying. Perfect opportunity for her to invite my daughter too but that didn’t happen. The other mum was saying no, I think as she realized my kid was being left out, but she kept insisting.

We went home first and my husband had to pop out and saw the mum and the 3 kids heading to their house so the mum must have agreed in the end. My daughter was the only one that wasn’t invited.

I’m struggling with navigating this as there’s no apparent reason for them not to invite her. She notices the exclusion and it upsets her.

Any advice for how best to manage this type of exclusion going into the new school year?

With my work I struggle to do favours like picking up or dropping off other kids to school which I think goes against me. I can also only really do play dates at the weekends but so many people have their own things on then.

Advice appreciated please.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 18:15

The other girl got upset and asked to go
Your dd didn’t

The mum that originally invited me was looking after one of the kids and they were going back to play at their house after soft play. As we were getting ready to leave the other girl was upset she wasn’t going with them. The mum told her mum she could come too, but didn’t invite my daughter.

User867536 · 31/07/2026 18:47

The weirdest part is that she seemingly forgot you already arranged a playdate after the final day but you didn't bring it up? Or did you assume she didn't want to go and decided not to mention it? The most obvious thing would be to directly remind her that you had arranged to meet at the soft play in a half-joking way and she would probably have been mortified that she forgot. Then everyone can go there together and the issue is solved.

It sounds like she had a ton on her plate looking after another child so it makes sense that she would not have wanted to invite more girls to the soft play. If the other girl asked then she had no choice but since your daughter didn't outright ask, she may have assumed you had other plans. Another possibility is that the playdate was left open ended and she may have assumed you didn't confirm?

Mouldybroc · 01/08/2026 14:36

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