How can I stop shouting at my children when I am overwhelmed?

[horriblepattern]

I’m in a horrible pattern with my kids (6 and 3) where I get frustrated, shout at them and upset them and then end up apologising and us all upset and then the pattern starts again.

Today I had lost some keys and was trying to ask at the reception if they’d been handed in and the older one kept trying to interrupt and I properly screamed at him; even the woman behind reception looked taken aback. But if I try saying nicely to wait a moment please it doesn’t seem to go in?

I really want to do better but don’t seem to have the tools.

I know someone like this who absolutely bellows at her children and I can’t bear it. Her issue seems to be that she ignores, ignores, ignores, then explodes. You cannot ignore it indefinitely. Anyone will eventually explode.

You need to nip it in the bud quicker. When you go to ask about the keys, explain to them both what you are doing and that you need them to be quiet until that is done. “I will talk with you both afterwards but if you interrupt I will not be happy”. Any interruptions, turn to them and firmly remind. Afterwards praise them for being quiet and patient.

A lot of life happens over kids’ heads and they’re expected to just sort of tag along and fill in the blanks themselves. Better to explain what is happening and what you expect of them.

It takes lots of practice but you need to try to manage your general stress levels. If you’re asking for your keys for example say to your kids before hand to be quiet or give them something to do. Take a few deep breaths to lower your general stress levels. If you child is on at you. Try to take a deep breath and pause. Think about what you want to say to them. After a situation like this try to think about what you could have done differently and practice it in your mind. You won’t get this situation again but it’s trying to practice different responses when you haves screamed at your kids.
think about how you want to respond to them? Observe how other parents react in this sort of situation.
it’s a great first step you have awareness and you want to change- it’s just a pattern i
of behaviour - you can change. And if you lose your shit always always apologise for your reaction.
there are loads of instagram accounts dealing with managing reactions - take a like and keep working on it.
good luck with it

Apologies for all my mistakes I really am so tired and I am in bed - I just need to go to sleep 😂

Recycled advice from earlier today ...

This is what I do...

If you feel the stress rising do something silly my go to is "oh my god you are making mummy go Cra-zzzzy!!!! She is going to go co-co lo-cooooo!!!" In a silly voice which somehow makes me feel less fucked off as I have spoken my truth without yelling in my child's face 🫠
And / Or i punish them by eating their feet / hands (which ever is the least gross at the time) cookie monster style "NOM NOM NOM!!!"

Recycled advice from earlier today ...

This is what I do...

If you feel the stress rising do something silly my go to is "oh my god you are making mummy go Cra-zzzzy!!!! She is going to go co-co lo-cooooo!!!" In a silly voice which somehow makes me feel less fucked off as I have spoken my truth without yelling in my child's face 🫠
And / Or i punish them by eating their feet / hands (which ever is the least gross at the time) cookie monster style "NOM NOM NOM!!!"

I know you know this but shouting and screaming won’t help. You’ve lost control of yourself and the situation once that happens.
It’s not good for you and certainly not good for your DC.

You can’t help feeling irritated and angry but can change how you deal with it. Try some planned ignoring for low level behaviours. The example you gave wasn’t even bad behaviour he was just trying to gain attention and communicate.
Children can learn to wait as PPs have said.

Look at ways to calm yourself, count slowly to 20 in your head, do some deep breathing, listen to calming music. Do you get any time to yourself away from your DC?
They won’t be this age forever try to enjoy this time with them. Give attention with positive praise when you can. “ That was good waiting while I got the keys. Well done “