Holidays with Teens!

[FramptonRose]

We are currently away on a UK break, great weather, loads to do! with our 4 teens, 12, 13, 16 and. Two younger ones both boys and love it, they are cracking on, going out on scooters, swimming and exploring and just cracking on.

Two oldest are girls and to be honest, normally my easiest two and they have done nothing but either complain, not want to go anywhere, sit in their rooms. They have been out a few times and once they are out, enjoy it. This is new for us as they normally really love holidays, love doing everything amd very seldom complain but this has been testing!

I feel like they may as well of stayed at home, we are going in a few days and they haven't done anything, they couldn't have done at home.

Myself and DH have talked about going away for a few days alone and then doing a shorter holiday with the kids in the summer holidays, uk so maybe the girls could bring a friend or abroad somewhere nice but for less than a week.

What does everyone else do when the kids start to get a bit older?

Pretty typical for age 16. I would give them some freedom to stay in their room if they want, and force them out ocasionally. They need some time to themselves to decompress too.

When you say the younger ones are getting on with it do you mean them just going out to play or them being up for going to places with you? Teenagers need things to do really and the lure of snacks / treats at the end. Ours will go for a walk for example if we end the walk at a nice cafe / ice cream stall. They are always up for surfing or kayaking. Will happily go to a museum with a promise of lunch afterwards.

Could you get them to plan the itinerary for you all?

Thank you.
I feel like I am being too harsh sometimes but I just think God we have spent a fair bit and spending lots while here and they just look bored.

I have a friend that does not gives their kids the choice once they are over 16 on whether to come or not, if they stay at home, they stay with their aunt and uncle but if they come they have to row in with everyone else. I was always used to think this was harsh but my kids used to all love holidays, I need to re assess my expectations I suppose.

The younger two are getting on well, going out to play and just taking advantage of all the activities here.

I have booked somewhere that is aimed for teens so not all young activities, there is a spa here, I have offered to bring them to, they can get what they want done, they just seem really uninterested in much.
I spoke to them loads before we came, looked at all the places we could go and they were all excited and seemed up for everything but now we are here, they are just not interested in much.

We do a lot of taking them away separately. Honestly, I think the things that a 12 year old boy would enjoy are not the same things an 18 year old girl would enjoy. Dh takes younger one away camping and doing things they enjoy (for example, this weekend they are off to 4 days of some vintage tank festival 🤷🏻‍♀️). Dd and I went to a resort earlier in the year for spa and lying by the pool. Then we switch, ds really loves Spain so we go to Spain a lot for markets and museums and cultural stuff. Dh took dd away to do a sport they both enjoy. It’s a lot more tolerable than dragging everyone on the ‘family holiday’ that really not all of us will enjoy. Bringing friends is also a good idea, though haven’t personally done it.

My eldest is 17, sorry I have just realised that has cut off on my original message.

I hated having to go on holiday at that age, I remember it clearly. How much money adults had chosen to spend was irrelevant.

Leave them to it, but tell them they are not to whinge

@FramptonRose ah, I see. Well maybe let them crack on with being boring in their rooms, go off and have fun yourself and insist they meet up for family meals.

Thats great to read, I think I put so much pressure on us all going away together as we always have and (other than the tantrums when they were young) we generally always have a really nice time.
Don't get me wrong, there are snippets of fun, in the evening, sitting out on the decking playing cards or bingo and we have all been laughing away, just very short lived.
I think next year, we will definitely look at separate holidays, I was keen to see how many people do this.

Yes good point! I have said to DH, we can just take the boys out and if the girls want to stay in they can!

To be fair, I remember my mum telling me we were going away and I really, really didnt want to go, I was almost 16, probably threw a strop and she arranged for my friend to come too.

Currently away in Cornwall with both dd 15 & 17- we’ve had a good week away… few moans about where we’re going or what we’re doing. Getting ready and out the door, is the most stressful part. As they are older, we plan a later morning start, one activity then a second activity, chill at accommodation- then night entertainment in club house, bed around 11pm. Have done zoo, bodyboarding, beach, swimming, shopping in towns , evening walks, firework displays, music concert and nightly in house club house entertainment. Headings home tomorrow, they are talking about next year already. If they didn’t have each other, think we would need to bring a friend to help entertain them x

When our two were that age, all they wanted to do was stay in the villa etc, weren’t interested in going out, unless it involved lunch/dinner in a restaurant. DH & I would go out for an hour or two and leave them too it. Nothing worse than dragging a miserable teen out with you.

I hear you. Just back from a week in Greece with ds 15 and ds 16. Good overrall! But 16 is the cut off. From 17 they are too independent forafamily holiday.

Just stop taking them on holiday
I mean I never had holidays with my parents. As a kid I got sent to granny's and that was it

Tonight has definitely been better, I think the girls could sense we had, had enough .

We all went out to dinner and all had a laugh, chatting playing games etc.
We all sat out on the decking playing cards and chatting for a few hours when we got home, this had only ever been for about 20 minutes max in the previous days.

Just a shame we are over half way through the holiday to get there but I have really re evaluated my expectations. Definitely thinking different for next year.

Pleased you had a better evening. Personally I wouldn’t suggest adding friends to your booking, too many extra stresses, falling out before trip, or worse falling out when on the holiday etc. just hassle you don’t need. In your situation I would leave two older ones at home next trip, with someone around to check they are on granny, auntie, good friend etc. and take the younger two away with you.

Mine are a little bit older now but I would say this is quite typical so don't despair!

What kinds of things are you doing? We've found that things need to evolve as they get older, depending on what they like doing. And I think shorter breaks work better as well.

We all like walking and a recent trip to the Lakes was quite successful. They also quite like city breaks, so again camping near Brighton worked well. They like having the opportunity to go off on their own for a few hours. Beach is ok for an afternoon or two but they get bored if it's too much of a feature (as younger children it was hard to drag them away - they adored the beach) Museums/galleries I would only suggest if it's something they're particularly interested in. Castles would be a flat no unless particularly impressive. A couple of hours sat in a bar/pub always goes down a treat.

I also think it helps to lower your expectations - think of it a bit like travelling with oversized toddlers. Bits will be hard work and there will be tantrums but in between that you'll have some magical little moments. And it does get better - my 22yo is on the whole delightful to travel with.

It's just me and my nearly 16 year old daughter. We've just got back from a few days away in the UK. Gorgeous weather. She wanted to go shopping on e of the days which we did, and one of the afternoons she was in the hotel room online with her friends whilst I went swimming and laid by the outdoor pool. I just let her get on with it. Because we were sharing a room I don't think I will do another one of those type of holidays with her as she wanted to be up late chatting with her friends and I chilled on the balcony but then wanted to sleep. So maybe I will book our own rooms or caravan next time. I'm not planning on going abroad next year as I want to move house. Just try to lower your expectations for teenagers because I am finding this but trickier than when my daughter was little!

I’m sure my two (DS20 & DD16), will always want to come away with us! 😅😂 We do tie in with visiting my family in the Reading area. We’re in Scotland. They like theme parks, so this year we went to Great Yarmouth for a week, where we had a pretty chill time, between Pleasurewood Hills and the Pleasure Beach. Then spent a few days with my family, and they went to Thorpe Park, Paultons Park and Legoland.

My daughter would complain about visiting museums, although I have told them if we do visit London, we will be going to the Natural History Museum at the very least. My son said he doesn’t like zoos, despite loving them when he was younger. I did say I’d be wanting to visit London Zoo. I used to go there a lot as a child. They both would like to go on the sleeper train, so am trying to make that happen!

Would also like to take them to Disneyland Paris, The Efteling and Port Aventura. We’ve never taken them abroad. They wouldn’t enjoy a holiday sat by the pool or beach the entire time.

I'm going to be the voice of dissent, I don't think it's necessary to stop taking teens on holiday. We're currently on holiday in Scotland with our teens (13, 17 and 18). We do a mix of activities (lots of historic sites and museums, walks, beach, leisure centre, meals out, shopping). All their friends are going away with their families this year, I don't think it's that unusual. Of course there are sometimes disagreements and people want to do different things but that's true whatever age people are. I know as they go to University they may prefer to go on holidays with their friends but I hope they will always come on holidays with us. We have holidays with the grandparents, multigeneration holidays are really special.

I think at 16 and 17 they are getting too old for holidays with their parents and little brothers. You probably need a rethink for next year.

It has gradually got better and better.
Today my eldest has told me that they have all had a great time.
Maybe they needed the time to 'get into it'

They are now all complaining we are having to go home soon!

I am glad they are all enjoying it.
I would love to perhaps go away for a few days with DH next year too (if we can afford it) as it would be nice to be able to do all the stuff we like to do.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and for all the different prospective's on the situation.
I definitely needed to shift my expectations and I found once I said, its fine, stay here but we are going out for dinner, they all of a sudden all wanted to come.
Kids!