How long is it normal to feel like I’m in survival mode?

[SilentRefluxAdvicePlease]

I have a three year old and a six week old baby. I am regularly close to tears throughout the day when caring for them both by myself. I think it is pure exhaustion, overwhelm, overstimulation and despair at how little I can achieve around the house. I am constantly entertaining my oldest child and feel like the baby is left to their own devices; luckily they are quite content so far. My husband is a huge support but of course is out at work during the day. It’s horrible to wish the day away but I feel like I am in survival mode all of the time. How long is this considered ‘normal’? I don’t think I am depressed and knew I would feel this way to an extent, but it’s a shame that it’s so relentless!

Relentless is the exact word my husband and I used in the first few months of having our second baby. It’s just so hard juggling everyone’s needs isn’t it! I guess it also depends on your toddlers temperament and how tricky they are being.
It’s hard to know how long you’ll feel this way, but just want to reassure you that I also felt like this. I think it started to feel better when my baby was like 8 or so weeks - just less of a tiny baby really. We joke about how the baby just got a bit forgotten about as the toddler requires more entertainment and attention. My baby is now 11 months and it’s so much better. I’d say a big turning point came when he could sit up - then I could leave him with some toys and could play with the toddler around the baby or get some housework done.
What also really helped was when my toddler went to nursery. Having a few hours where it was just me and the baby honestly felt like a holiday compared to having both at home!
I think you’re in the hardest stage at the moment and it will definitely get a lot better. When the baby starts interacting more then seeing how much they love their sibling is just so cool. And even when the baby is still quite young your toddler will be able to entertain them. It can actually be pretty enjoyable alot of the time!

3 year old needs to go to nursery. It's unusual to have to do solo care for a baby and a toddler all day, every day. Of course it's relentless.

I agree with this, are they on summer holidays now?
in the meantime, play dates with other families so 3 yo has things to do, and what we you can to survive!

I don't think it is. None of my 4 went to nursery at all. Just went to playschool only mornings a year before school. Its okay if you are struggling and can afford it.

Why would they be on summer holidays they are 3

Do you not have any family support at all.

My 3 year old is on 7 week summer holiday from nursery?

I’ve got a 3 year old and 3 week old - feeling the same as you right now. I know it’ll get better, but this is rough x

That's very unusual @Babyno2jul . Our nursery does close for 2 weeks in August but even that is unusual, most of my friends' nurseries are open year round so I can see why @Iloveeverycat is confused.

Why would you choose a nursery that has holidays? Ours only closes the week between Christmas and NY.
OP the only way I know mums to cope is having the older one in childcare at least a couple of days.

I felt the same as you when I had a baby and toddler. I just found things gradually got easier the older they got. I know some find the teen years hardest, but I found having a baby and toddler the hardest time.

It works best for me and my family.

@Peonies12 our nursery closes for 2 weeks in August, 2 weeks at Christmas and 2 weeks at Easter. It's an absolute pain in the arse BUT it's an exceptional nursery. Staff ratio is 1 to 3, there are only 6 kids in each room, they have loads of outside space, they even helped with potty training, both my DS adore the staff! They are nothing short of wonderful. So that's the reason.

I had a lot of kids close together and they didn’t go to nursery until over 3. So I always had at least 2 at home 1 of which would have been a baby. I was constantly in survival mode looking back. They were happiest of times when I look at them through rose tints but actually they were relentless and lonely and I felt completely stretched. Don’t think I even gave myself enough grace at the time either. I used local church playgroups a lot and we had something like that to break the day up most days. I didn’t even have mum friends really as I don’t suppose I looked too appealing being so run ragged. Put the older on in nursery a couple of days. I wish I had but we couldn’t afford it. If you can that’s what I would do. I totally get it, sending solidarity hugs xxx

plus baby wearing saved me! That’s how I managed to interact and take the older ones out more xxx

I thought nurseries were open all year round. I thought that was the point of them for parents that worked.

I assume if they are 3yrs then it might actually be a school-based pre-school, rather than a private day nursery. Pre-school in school typically follow the school day (or morning only, afternoon only) instead of private 8-6pm hours, and would also follow the school holiday schedule too. These hours also marry up well with the 3yr old 30 hr funding too.

A lot of people use this sort of pre-school setting, and places are available for 3yr olds to get them ready for school at 4.

Thanks, all, for your replies. I should have clarified that it’s the summer holidays for us too. We used a term time playgroup in the last academic year and will move to a school-based nursery in September.
I think I compare myself a lot to my own mum, who had two children with a similar age gap and didn’t send me to a (term time only) nursery until I was three and a half. I know we went out to playgroups and play dates but I remember just playing nicely at home a lot of the time! I have to get out every day with my eldest child so that they can burn enough energy to sleep.

You're thinking of a day nursery, which are often open all year round. But that's not the only type of nursery. There are school nurseries for three year olds that keep school hours. In addition there are pre-school nurseries and community nurseries that will often also break for summer. Some Montessori nurseries also keep school hours.