Struggling with full-time work and a 15-month-old, any advice?

[AmberPoet]

Hi all,

I’m currently a parent to a 15 month old toddler and working full time. I’m finding this particular season really difficult and find myself exhausted 24/7. My concentration levels are shocking at work, I’m making so many mistakes and every task feels like I’m walking through mud. I am an accountant. I worked hard to be where I am but I totally resent it. My toddler is now very active, and does not like bedtime, and after turning 14 months her routine feels like it’s everywhere. I am trying to fit everything and everyone into my schedule, but there is little room left for me afterwards. My mood is so all over the place and I feel my relationship with my husband is starting to suffer.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this season in one piece?

Well the obvious question is where is the child's other parent in all this ?

It gets better.

Divide caring for toddler more evenly between you and your DH.
One do dressing, packed lunch and breakfast, one doing night bath, book and bed.
Get up in night every second night.

Give each other one full day off from toddler per week. Plan an outdoor family outing each weekend.

Bulk cook part meals - bolognaise sauce, macaroni cheese, thickened mince, egg and bacon pie, chicken casserole, potato mash - so veggies/sausages can be added to make quick meals.

Plan a space in your home that is bomb proof, where toddler can not injure self nor burn house down. Plonk toddler there when you need to achieve tasks - shower, cook or pack etc.

Invest in earmuffs.
Engineer a safe outdoor play space.

I burnt out and quit my job when DS was 18 months (I had gone back to work full time when he was 6 months, we live abroad where mat leave is 4 months, and I added some unpaid leave). So no advice just solidarity. Everyone kept telling me it gets better but it just wasn't. DS just wasn't sleeping. And going into work and being bad at my job daily was killing my self esteem.

I went back to work a year later and it was so much more doable.

DH was not great in all this. I know everyone on mumsnet will jump with "DH has to do more" but we really cannot physically force anyone to change.

It did turn out that I have a genetic condition which was aggravated by pregnancy and contributed to fatigue and other issues so it wasn't just standard toddler stuff but we all have our challenges.

I went back at 12 months and struggled for a whole year. Became a sahm at 24 months. Biggest contributor was that I was still default parent completely dispute working. Apparently husband has nothing more to give after working so needed weekend to relax etc

i think a lot of mums do burn out. We carry such a heavy load and we blame ourselves for not coping, but the fact of the matter is, we shouldn’t have to work full time and be juggling a little one. Unfortunately my hubby got made redundant so I can’t afford to quit, but I would love to reduce my hours, even if it’s just to 35 one day when things are a bit more steady. I am thinking of visiting the doctors too. I think I have reached burn out and need a little support. I’m glad you figured it out and found your way x

Becoming default parent naturally occurs during mat leave, it’s hard to readdress the balance afterwards 😔

If he’s not working then he needs to be pulling his weight at home and then some. There really is no excuse for him not stepping up.

Have to say though that this is just parenting to an extent …. You work then you come home and parent and I guess some people just can’t reconcile their lives before - plenty of sleep, time to themselves, relaxed weekends with after - a little person who’s wants and needs inevitably go first

FWIW I’m a lone parent since twins were around 12 months old and had a 5 year old as well working full time. Ex husband swanned off barely to be seen again.

id say it gets better…… it does and it doesn’t it just changes. As soon as they get older it’s birthday parties and hobbies and constant school events to assimilate in to an already busy working week.

Either drop your hours or your husband needs to become the default parent for now. There is no magic answer.

If your husband has been made redundant then isn’t he doing all house cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry etc and at least half of all bedtimes? He should be

So why is it not “naturally” happening now your DH is redundant? It doesn’t naturally happen, it’s caused by shit men.

When I went back to work I found that it really helped to carve out little bits of time just for myself, so I would make good use of my lunch breaks (start taking those if you don’t already!) and would sometimes dive into a coffee shop on my way back to the nursery - even fifteen minutes when I wasn’t either working or parenting felt like a mental rest stop.