Angry 10 yo DS extremely negative all of the time

[Pigsinbl4nkets123456]

I have 2 children 8 and 10. My eldest DS has become extremely angry and argumentative over the last few months. Every time I am stern or try and discipline him, he is rude back and uses the excuse that I am talking to him like that so why can’t he talk to me like that. I have tried not interacting with him when he’s angry, sending him to his room and taking away privilidges. All make him angrier and angrier.

He is also extremely negative. I try and line up nice enjoyable things to do but no matter what, he will complain about anything and everything.

i am a single parent household where the dad has fortnightly visits so i can imagine that not having a male figure in the house may be one of the reasons that he is lashing out but it is exhausting. He is good as gold at school but seems to be extremely resentful towards me.

this first week over the summer holidays, we’ve had 2 play dates, a cinema visit. Copious amounts of activities plus some things that he’s wanted to do and I have not heard a pleasant thing so far. It’s really quite upsetting. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Sounds like it’s going to be a long Summer! Could he be starting puberty with hormones affecting him?
Have you tried having a calm chat to lay down some ground rules around what is and isn’t acceptable? Set out how you are the adult and you need to parent just like his teacher needs to tell him what to do. Almost like a contract. Would Dad support with this?
Is there any sibling rivalry?

You could try some planned ignoring for low level behaviours. Can you work on emotional regulation? It’s OK to be angry but it’s how he then deals with that. If he can learn to recognise the signs maybe he could take himself away from the situation instead of being sent to his room.
There are various calming techniques he can try.

Do you use positive rewards and praise as well as being stern and disciplining him as you say?
It’s tough in terms of trips out and treats as if you have to cancel or leave something early that affects your younger son.
What sort of things does he complain about? Could any of it be anxiety related?