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Parenting

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Difficult relationship with my 19-year-old daughter and constant tension

2 replies

Sugarplum5 · 22/07/2026 13:52

Me and my 19yr daughter just dont click at all. The vibe between us is awkward, uncomfortable and conversations are generally forced and any large amounts of time together ends up in us bickering and arguing, both of us crying etc. Sometimes its good and we are fine together. I feel its been like this for years, she was always quite a difficult child, always moody, nothing has ever been good enough, she wants her own way all the time and gets upset over the slightest thing. My middle child is the complete opposite and even she has said why is she like that. We feel like we tread on eggshells all the time. Dont get me wrong I can be difficult myself, I am not perfect and she will say the same about me. I had a difficult labour and delivery with her and I feel I never bonded, everything has always been an effort and I feel terrible for it. I would love nothing more for us to get along but it feels impossible. Seeing others with good mother daughter relationships kills me. Any advice or similar experiences welcome please. Its an awful situation for us both to be in

OP posts:
Sugarplum5 · 22/07/2026 13:58

Forgot to say I've tried counselling l, counsellor didn't get it at all, looked at me like I was nuts. Maybe I need to find a better one?
Lots of underlying issues I've not mentioned. Dealing with alot of things on my own for many years, no support.

OP posts:
YellowBedLeaf · 22/07/2026 14:42

Counselling/therapy is key- find a registered one (BACP has a good online finder tool). Stick with it, even when it gets uncomfortable, and be open and learn from it.

It has been 19 years since her birth which sounds like it didn't go well, it’s not her fault (or yours) but it may be that you can’t separate the two. Even discounting her birth, your daughter will be well aware that you have lots of negative feelings towards her and that will impact her.

Talk to a professional and embrace what you find out.

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