-please help- Struggling with feeling rejected by my one-year-old and overwhelmed

[TheArtfulHedgehog]

Hi I'm really struggling at the moment and I don't know what to do.
My one year old daughter I feel like she doesn't love me or like me. When I try look it up everyone says it's just a phase of like a month. But my experience is not like that it has always been this way. I cannot comfort her only dad can. If I pick her up she reaches for him. I try so very hard to be a great mummy. I make her meals and I am the one trying to get her to play more as she is behind on movement with dad they just chill on the sofa most of the time. I'm so depressed and feeling suicidal because of it. All I want is to cuddle my baby and she pushes me away and tells me no. I feel like deep down her dad sees it too but whenever I cry about it he just says 'she does love you'. But I am yet to see any sign that she does. It feels like she will never have a bond with me at this rate. Every night I lay awake staring at her baby monitor crying I feel like I'm nearing my limit I'm scared I will eventually give up or just remove myself where I feel I'm not needed in an extreme way.

Have you spoken to your health visitor or gp about these feelings?

Hi
I have been where you are and it is horrible.
I struggled until my baby was about 18 months because j felt they didn't show any attachment to me and when they were around 13 months old my mum who had not had my child very often babysitted for the day and when they returned my baby cried and didn't want to go with me and wanted to stay with my mum. I was heartbroken and didn't understand because I tried to do everything to build a bond. My partner would tell me I was trying too hard.
I couldn't believe my baby wanted to stay with someone they didn't know very well rather than me. People would say things like "its because they get chocolate and to do what they want at your mums" but i felt something wasn't right and it shouldn't be the case at that age not to be anyrhing other than excited to see me. They would also smile when my partner entered a room but never me
Things I changed from then was that I n9ticed I worried a lot about my child's development (I notice you also say abut your child's movement). I was always trying to help improve things that felt my baby n3eded to improve on. I decided I would just stop doing this and try to focus on what my baby seemed to like and lean into this. I stopped trying to force things and tried to relax more around them. I was always the one trying to develop everything whereas my partner was more chilled and I don't know if that was showing to my child.
From about 18 m9nths my child completely changed and nobody but mummy could do anyrhinf for them. They re the same now at 4 years old. Everyone laughs now about how much I worried about this given what they are like now so things 100 percent can change in a short time
I wouldnt have believed this if somebody said it to me at the time and people said "just you wait and see: but it did change but I feel so sorry for anybody that is in this period because it feels painful. Hope you can find some time to just enjoy your baby and not focus on it. Force yourself to laugh it off and shoulder shrug when your baby does want your partner more because sometimes I think they pick up on the anxiety and behave differently. Hope things get better soon for you xxx

That must be very hard. However, it all comes across as very pressured and you're making it about you and what you think should happen. She will be picking up on the stress and the pressure. Enjoy your baby, don't force things. Likelihood is that things will turn around soon and you won't be able to get out of the house. My second DS was a bit ambivalent about me for a while around age 1, he's 2 now and I can’t go anywhere, I can't even shower except when he's asleep otherwise he screams and screams (I can do it if I have to, but the stress isn't worth it).

Please don't take your daughter's behaviour as a sign that she doesn't love you. One-year-olds often go through phases of preferring one parent, and it can feel absolutely heartbreaking. What worries me most is how low you're feeling. Please tell your partner, your GP or someone you trust exactly what you've written here. You shouldn't have to carry this on your own.

Children are their own people they are no robots they have their own thoughts and feelings and they are not all about you if you genuinley can't cope no it is not normal and yes you need to see your HV or GP to start with

Please speak to someone about this, GP or Health Visitor. How long have you felt like this? I know this is focused on your relationship with your baby, but you sound depressed and trust me you are not going to be seeing things rationally with depression. Depression lies to you.

To reassure, your DD is, if anything, showing how secure she feels with you. She is safe to shove you away because she knows you are always there for her. They do go through daddy phases anyway, and sometimes it’s about preferring the parent who is around less due to work, not sure if that applies here or not.

Please don’t continue to suffer like this, make an appointment with GP to discuss how you’re feeling and call or drop in to Health Visitor or Family Centre and get some outside perspective on how things are with DD.