Is it normal to want more space from family after baby?

[FortyandFemale]

Hi so I’m looking for others opinions that understand my feelings.
I had a baby 3 months ago. I’m breastfeeding through the night still, not sleeping well and have a toddler at home too.
Since having my baby I just have become quite over protective (didn’t feel this bad with my first) I hate people visiting and asking to cuddle her & I hate the way they have to constantly touch her face or hands.

I get it babies are super cute but it’s like no one respects my boundaries like I’ve had to tell my mum at least twice not to kiss her, my MIL is constantly wanting to hold her & asks every 5 mins “is she feeding again” or “oh mummy cuddles” when I’m holding her 🙄. I like a routine and trying to keep one when people visit is just impossible it’s like I can’t be myself.

I feel like I just want everyone to piss off 🙈
I don’t care about family meeting her or tbh having a close relationship with her or my son. I moved an hour away to start a fresh. I’m not that close with my family or my partners family and honestly I just want it to be us, my partner and our 2 kids. I just don’t share the same thoughts, feelings or morals as these family members so find it so hard to enjoy their company!

Is it normal to feel this way or am I in the wrong?

Can I just say,
big hugs, and congratulations about your new baby.
I felt 100% the same after having my baby and I just wanted everyone to GO AWAY and leave me alone with my baby. I hated anyone holding him, touching him - all of it. I ended up with my very lovely and kind MIL moving in to ‘help’. She was so kind and helpful I felt I couldn’t say anything but I just hated every second of it. People need to back the F off !!! You aren’t alone, it’s totally normal - it’s your instinct!

At that age, especially with my second, I felt the same about family visits and any unnecessary commitments that threw out the routine. I was so, so, so sleep deprived and exhausted, I couldn't cope with just one bad night/missed nap etc. There was no room.for recovery or rest, ever. So it really, really fucked me off when people didn't respect what I was doing and trying to get us to change the routine. People didn't get that they were making ME suffer, their shitty visits robbed me of my much needed rest. Or if they upset the baby or the toddler, it would be ME that would handle the screaming and the tantrums.

That being said, my mum was wonderful and got it, and I had nothing against her. So it wasn't all family that I wanted to go fuck off, just the ones who were selfish/unaware (which made the majority of them).

I didn't really have a problem with anyone holding my babies except a couple of people who just wouldn't hand them back. MIL did this and then every time she would pick them up, I'd be anxious as I know I'd have to shout and cause a big argument to get my screaming hungry baby back.

Ha absolutely yes! Thankgod for Covid restrictions that’s all I can say! By the time my family met my twins they were over 12 weeks old x

Yeah absolutely. Some people will come on saying how they just wanted all their family around to love on their baby. Those people are incredibly lucky to have families that respect them and their boundaries.

Its like being surrounded by the Nemo seagulls shouting "mine, mine, mine". Everyone just wants a piece of your baby and don't give a damn how they make you feel.

We are on our third and last baby. And this time everyone can just fuck off and leave me alone. I had an abusive H the first time. Nasty bully in laws the second time. This is my last time with a newborn baby and everyone else can fuck off and leave me in my bubble with my little family.

We are an everyone mucks in family - antithesis of MN generally. So, no, we never got those feelings. Some do, some don't. (But hey, I answer the door and the phone, even if I don't know who is there)

My youngest (aged 24 now) got passed round at a family fun day -32 of us - (yes, for some folks they are fun) - aged 3 months we all had the time of our lives. Yes some overstep boundaries, but those end up not getting the longest hugs - because I say so...

eldest Dd was born just a week before Xmas, we spent it at the in laws because I was knackered and bloodied and bruised and the thought of our first Xmas together being so low was just awful. So, in laws offered, we decamped for a week and it all passed in a blur of relatives and food and feeling cocooned.

Some families are like that, some might find it unbearable. Everyone has their own path to tread. Just enjoy your little ones, they are not little for long.

I just figured my child even as a baby has their own boundaries if they dont want somonw touching them they would male it loudly obvious

I didnt feel I owned my baby so no i never felt neurotic about it, it was not a competition to see how much time I had my baby other people

And people talk of a village not a dictatorship for a reason i find it works both ways

Really struggling with this too at 6 weeks postpartum. People who never bothered to see me or check on me while pregnant suddenly feel they need access to my baby all the time just because they have a title like Nana or Auntie. I would never deny them access but if I didn’t have a trusting relationship with you while I was pregnant how am I supposed to trust you with my baby? My daughter is having hip scans because she was breech and someone slightly amiss was found but this didn’t stop my MIL forcing my baby into doing bicycle kicks and declaring nothing was wrong with her hips. People who hold my baby for way too long gets me on edge too, more than happy to let you hold the baby but don’t over step the mark.