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Parenting

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Medicine refusal and consent - when is too old to pin them down?

43 replies

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 19:04

When they are toddlers we pin them down and give them medicine.

When they are teens etc, they have capacity and have to consent.

What about that middle age? So for me a 7yo?

Obviously the answer will vary based on the necessity of the medicine and the consequences of not giving it, but lets take a mid point of highly advisable, but not life threatening.

The child in question is not bribeable, understands why she needs the medicine but still won't take it.

Do you pin if persuasion doesn't work?

There is more background to this, but I'm wondering about your average (but non bribeable, not persuadable) 7yo.

OP posts:
TY78910 · 17/07/2026 19:10

Is this calpol or that god awful toxic yellow antibiotic?

If it’s the latter, hide it in yoghurt it is absolutely vile so I’m not surprised.

I wouldnt pin a child that age down in all honesty.

doglikescheeseontoast · 17/07/2026 19:17

What would be the consequences of NOT taking the medication? What I mean is, would the child become more unwell, or is it for symptom management until the illness passes on its own?

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 19:19

TY78910 · 17/07/2026 19:10

Is this calpol or that god awful toxic yellow antibiotic?

If it’s the latter, hide it in yoghurt it is absolutely vile so I’m not surprised.

I wouldnt pin a child that age down in all honesty.

Today it was both of those.

The Dr seemed a bit grumpy at my reluctance to pin her down. I have my reasons...

Food is an issue on general so I dare not hide things in food because it risks losing a safe food (and has backfired spectacularly on the couple.of.times.weve tried).

I remember the yellow antibiotics from a kid. Vile stuff. Though TBF she didn't know it was disgusting, so the refusal wasn't based on that. She had a bit eventually and from her reaction it's just as grim now as we remember 🤢

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TY78910 · 17/07/2026 19:34

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 19:19

Today it was both of those.

The Dr seemed a bit grumpy at my reluctance to pin her down. I have my reasons...

Food is an issue on general so I dare not hide things in food because it risks losing a safe food (and has backfired spectacularly on the couple.of.times.weve tried).

I remember the yellow antibiotics from a kid. Vile stuff. Though TBF she didn't know it was disgusting, so the refusal wasn't based on that. She had a bit eventually and from her reaction it's just as grim now as we remember 🤢

Sounds like there are some wider food issues here so I can’t be much help. Maybe look at those specialised boards?

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 17/07/2026 19:41

Could she manage a tablet if they will change the prescription to tablets? Absolute game changer once the master that! Mine had to have daily meds and the doctors recommended practicing with tic tacs if they were worried or struggling

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 19:43

TY78910 · 17/07/2026 19:34

Sounds like there are some wider food issues here so I can’t be much help. Maybe look at those specialised boards?

There are a lot of deeper issues, medical trauma, history etc. But tbh, what I am more interested in is was what the expectations are for parents of average 7yos.

Are most parents pinning them down and forcing it if they refuse? Are they relying on persuasion and what happens if that fails?

I don't know if I'm being too soft and the nurses are secretly like 'ffs what a silly mum' or if forcing it is generally only something people do with toddlers and very young ones?

I'm talking about things like calpol and antibiotics (precautionary) here, not chemo or something. Where things have got bad in the past then I have pinned her down for things like cannulas, but I only do it if I feel the risk outweighs the potential trauma now.

OP posts:
Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 19:44

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 17/07/2026 19:41

Could she manage a tablet if they will change the prescription to tablets? Absolute game changer once the master that! Mine had to have daily meds and the doctors recommended practicing with tic tacs if they were worried or struggling

We were doing practice for this byit I didn't keep up with it. I need to though. Something for the summer holidays I think.

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MotherOfCrocodiles · 17/07/2026 19:51

If it’s flucloxacillin it is sooo bitter. Tell the doctor she won’t tolerate it and ask for amoxicillin instead.

Tiptopflipflop · 17/07/2026 19:52

I couldn't force my six year old if I tried. Too strong. He'd just spit it out.

Solved the problem when he was 5 by telling him it was the horrid medicine or tablets, and he promptly learned to take tablets in return for a sweet after. Doesn't even bother asking for the sweet these days.

WellThatIsABitMad · 17/07/2026 19:56

I remember as a child roughly that age being held for antibiotics. I know now they were needed and there’s no lasting harm to me. It’s difficult because antibiotics in particular, if not given when prescribed, or not finished, can cause worse problems and contribute to antibiotic resistance. I’d probably use bribery with a very high reward.

LondonKara · 17/07/2026 19:56

7 is probably too old to pin down unless there are no alternatives, but it is also too young to be making the decision for themselves about whether or not they take their medicine. They don't have capacity for that. So when they talk about understanding the consequences of not taking it - that is irrelevant at 7. Either they need to take it and you find a way (including pinning down as a last resort) or you make the executive decision that actually it doesn't matter enough to go to those lengths and they don't have to take it.

The key point is you decide, and if you decide it is a no, you own that in front of the doctor and explain your reasoning. The Dr is probably frustrated because it feels a bit like the child is deciding for you in the scenario you describe, which isn't age appropriate.

NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2026 19:57

If the medicine was for their own comfort e.g. Calpol for pain, then I would let them choose.

If it was required for them to get better and without it they might get worse e.g. antibiotics then I would pin them down. I don't think a 7 year old has sufficient capacity to fully understand the correlation between the choice they're making now and the outcome in hours/days/weeks/years. In the same way they don't always want to brush their teeth or use suncream or wear a seatbelt for example, but you would insist.

Thawtfulpanda · 17/07/2026 19:59

Calpol - use the meltlets.

Vile antiobiotics, I've always found it's best to explain the science and admit it does taste gross but it is what it is. And not explaining as in "the liquid makes the bad bugs go" but actually explaining what it does properly, treating them like an adult.

LathkillDale · 17/07/2026 20:01

I used just to offer chocolate as a bribe. Needs must!

BravoBuild · 17/07/2026 20:03

What @NuffSaidSamjust said. As difficult as it is, and I've been there, I would try to force this as far as I could for antibiotics. And definitely try the tablets, they were a game changer for us.

MirrorOfErised26 · 17/07/2026 20:10

Paracetamol suppositories work well for some children who struggle taking calpol if that’s an option. You can just buy them over the counter in a pharmacy.

I think they do antibiotic ones too for some antibiotics, unsure about age/dose though.

BeardySchnauzer · 17/07/2026 20:14

If they need medication and they are old enough to reason with then you do that - otherwise it’s a choice - oral liquid, oral tablet or a suppository. Don’t let the doctors fob you off that you can’t get in a different form

Dliplop · 17/07/2026 20:15

I’d pin down for antibiotics but not pain relief. I’d also ask for tablets because swallowing can be better than liquid.

We do have to pin down for puffers. It’s getting better but there are no alternatives yet

NameChangeAgain48 · 17/07/2026 20:22

Id give her a non option. You can take the medication this way or that way. Which way would you like to take it. I used to have to wrap my kids up like a burrito and force it in them. Now they pick between a spoon or a syringe. They like to brush there teeth after antibiotics. I dont hide it in food. My daughter has safe food and I wouldntvwant ger food even more limited or for her not to trust me. Its hard enough when companies change tge formula of things.

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 20:26

TBF here the doctors were debating about the antibiotics anyway, and I was on the fence

She's had hospital involvement for many years, huge surgeries etc, under multiple departments and it's left her with a lot of trauma around medical stuff, which compounded with sensory issues and issues with emotional regulation, make it tricky.

She'll have medical involvement on a regular basis for her whole childhood (and beyond) and she needs to be able to trust me. Obviously when it's been urgent I've pinned her down, usually for cannulas etc. As she's getting older though, I'm seeking her consent more because whilst I can pin her down for medicine, getting her at attend hospital appointments, not do a runner etc, I can't prevent, and it makes it more likely.

I can pin her down because she's the size of a 4yo, but I think that means some dr's and nurses still think of her as a 4yo! It's didn't mean I should though

I just don't know what people with a 'normal' healthy primary aged child would do. I have one of those as well, but she's never ill.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/07/2026 20:32

Autonomy is a pretty top tier priority for me, especially with ND children.

The only thing that I would override autonomy for would be if the consequences of not doing so would be far more distressing and invasive than being held down for a few seconds and made to swallow something disgusting or which feels unsafe. That is pretty distressing and invasive in itself, so I'd only do it if I absolutely had to.

I can't think of a situation where calpol would be necessary, so I can't see a reason to force that. Plus there are plenty of other ways to take paracetamol.

Antibiotics are a bit more dicey, because if an infection is allowed to get worse then it could mean hospital and IV antibiotics, or ultimately risk of sepsis. I have lost a family member to sepsis so I don't fuck around with infection, generally. However you often have a few days before you would get to a point where it would be getting really risky to avoid them, so no reason to immediately panic and jump to force. I would try a conversation first (I would sense check this with the doctor even if they thought I was mad and should just force the child).

I have had upfront conversations with my child before (same age - 7 and ND) about necessary dental treatment, and laid out the options, including the point where we as parents would override. I have dental phobia myself, and I noticed that I find it much easier to opt for frightening but necessary treatment when my dentist sets it out as options - we can either do this surgery, or we can leave it, but if we leave it there is a high chance of pain and losing the tooth, and over time it could spread to other teeth and threaten those too (for example). I find this MUCH easier than what previous dentists used to say which was something more like "You HAVE to have this surgery, you have no choice, otherwise all of your teeth are going to fall out!" I don't know WHY it feels better but somehow it just is! I think having it presented as this dire threat makes the surgery option feel even more frightening to a point that it can be paralysing, whereas having it presented as two possible outcomes and the dentist prefers one of them but ultimately is leaving the decision up to me makes it feel much easier to opt for the scary-but-survivable one.

I also understand though that I am an adult and my way of processing those two frightening options is not necessarily going to be the same as a child's, and sometimes they do just need an adult to take charge and make the scary decision, because they are not able to process either of the scary options. But I still think it is helpful to be clear and honest about what is happening in their body and how the medicine can help that and what would be likely to happen if it was not taken at all. And when DS needed the dental treatment, I also understood that it was one thing for him to agree that this was the way he wanted to do it sitting at home safe with me and a completely different thing actually walking into the dentist's room on the day to go under anaesthetic and he needed a lot of support with that. But I am really glad that we were able to have the conversation and take his decision into account rather than just making the decision over his head.

I also find it is helpful to look at the Ross Greene type approach where you start by meeting your child where they are at and accept that right now, today, they are unlikely to take the medicine and then deconstruct it and look at which part of that is making it hard, because you still have time to do that.

Do they find the thought of the medicine itself frightening? If they could get the effects of the medicine by me waving a wand and doing a magic spell, would they accept that or would that also be difficult, because it's medicine?

If they are fine with the idea of the medicine or actively want the effects of the medicine, would another delivery method be easier? A pill (maybe sugar-coated) that can be swallowed, or crushed and sprinkled onto ice cream? A suppository? (A 7yo might actually find the idea of a suppository incredibly funny, and it might be possible, especially if you have a local compounding pharmacy) Even the IV? I would want to avoid a hospital trip if at all possible but it is a method of delivering antibiotics if all else failed and it might be worth putting into the conversation just as part of a "This is what all of the options are that exist". If my child was really gravitating towards IV being their preferred option (I do not think most children would!) I would probably explain my other reasons to prefer to avoid hospital (other people needing the bed, hospitals are less comfortable than home, the food might be yucky, etc)

What if it's not the taste or texture, but the ability to control it themselves by going very slowly, or alternating with e.g. spoonfuls of ice cream?

Do they know about the way a food being cold makes it taste less strong? Or the interesting food science of mixing/balancing flavours (like how bitter can taste good with orange or lemon, but isn't a very nice combination with roast chicken, for example, or very sugary sweets). Sometimes trying to mask a flavour is harder than trying to balance it with something like sourness or salt.

This kind of info finding conversation is helpful, because if you're trying to solve for "My child doesn't like the taste" and the problem is actually "I'm frightened of the medicine doing something strange in my body" then you could have a medicine that tasted of strawberry Sunny Delight and it still would not solve the actual problem. And IME if you can find a solution this way, it preserves trust which can be massive especially when children have difficulty with foods. There would be a point at which I would override, but I'd absolutely be doing everything to preserve autonomy until I felt it was unavoidable.

If the conversation is hard, I loved this post: https://www.facebook.com/occuplaytional/posts/pfbid0UUxgnZwpYFNfxQyeChiZuMvJySnZxaNoQQ4cdDDd9m7qjEgtoqJvbFSNzxq16im2l

The Occuplaytional Therapist

I worked with a family where the child needed to be able to voluntarily take medication. For a variety of reasons, taking medication was really hard. It was so hard that even figuring out why it was...

https://www.facebook.com/occuplaytional/posts/pfbid0UUxgnZwpYFNfxQyeChiZuMvJySnZxaNoQQ4cdDDd9m7qjEgtoqJvbFSNzxq16im2l

BertieBotts · 17/07/2026 20:40

I just don't know what people with a 'normal' healthy primary aged child would do. I have one of those as well, but she's never ill.

"Normal" primary aged children understand that the medicine will make them better and they have to take it even if it's vile. They are much less bothered by unpleasant taste/texture compared to a child with medical trauma or ND, and hence more open to sympathy over it being vile and having a chaser of a usually highly coveted or forbidden food/drink - I remember DS1 taking antibiotics for scarlet fever and then a small glass of Coke around this age, he wasn't usually allowed it but the lure of the sugar seemed to override any bad taste of the medicine for him and lots of reassurance that he was brave seemed enough.

And, as you said, they are much less often sick or in need of medicine like this, so it doesn't happen to them that often and it doesn't build up as a repeated traumatic association.

Cheesecheeks · 17/07/2026 20:44

I don’t think I have much helpful to add, because both of my children have luckily always been good at taking calpol and liquid medicines. We’ve had a couple of foul tasting antibiotics and have had to apply verbal pressure and insist they take them, whilst offering nice drinks and foods to take afterwards.

Youngest is 7 and I’d never pin her, feels like a long time since that would’ve been acceptable. Tbh I still feel guilty for having pinned her to do those covid nose swabs when she was a toddler, that felt unethical even then, why did I think that was justifiable! Agree with others there could be times it is justifiable, and when that happens, your concern for consent will definitely improve the process for your child I am sure. Sounds like poor wee thing has been through the mill and I completely understand your caution.

Somuchgoo · 17/07/2026 20:56

@BertieBotts

Thank you for such detailed posts

She's had hospital involvement for many years, huge surgeries etc, under multiple departments and it's left her with a lot of trauma around medical stuff, which compounded with sensory issues and issues with emotional regulation, make it tricky.

She's not ND in a classic way, but neurological issues mean when she gets stressed by something she suddenly flips into a child who really struggles, meltdowns etc.

She has no concept of hunger (yes I know that's odd) which makes bribery harder, and the emotional regulation challenges means she can't think clearly enough for other forms of bribery.

We've managed to support her having procedures (mostly cannulas, blood draws and an attempt at an awake brain scan) and with patience and time she usually gets there. What she can't cope with is the unexpected - so an unexpected medicine falls into that category.

I agree about not messing round with sepsis, she's been on the sepsis pathway many times, and I've been fully supportive, holding her down then etc, even where it's thought they were over zealous, as the consequences of getting it wrong are greater. These antibiotics were very much precautionary, with doctors debating whether to give them or not.

She's also got other medicines which again aren't life threatening, but life becomes pretty unpleasant often if she skips them. I've lost that battle today. Tomorrow is a new day.

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · 17/07/2026 20:57

Given she has a long journey ahead I think it’s even more important she has some autonomy - even if it is a closed choice of liquid vs solid

do the hospital have play therapists that can help her with it?

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