How can I help my child make friends over summer?

[FriedDumpling]

Early primary school, child moved schools mid year, and has been at the new school for just over a year now.

By all accounts is a happy, popular kid, but has no connections with school friends outside school and refuses to talk to the other kids about whether they would like to make a playdate. I would happily make contact with parents for her if she would start the ball rolling. New school is cliquey, but I would find a way for her.

It's going to be a long 6 week holiday if she finds herself with me the whole time, and I remember those holidays where you went back and all the chatter was about what they had done together over the holidays and feeling left out because I'd spent the whole time alone. I don't want that for her. Child is very reliant on one particular friend who is never around in the holidays (not at the new school) other than that will insist on playing solely with the boys who seem reluctant to hang out with a girl over the holidays?

I don't know how to help, maybe I'm inventing a problem, but I don't want her to go back in September and feel isolated

The summer holidays is going to be a difficult time to make friends. Have you invited anyone over to play so far?

At the moment she won't talk to the kids about it. Last summer I messaged on the parents group chat suggesting we would be around for playdates (not knowing anyone there at that point) but it's not very active and got no response. I've asked that she talks to the kids (might get a better response from the parents if the kid is aware?!) but she's refusing so nothing has happened yet. She has been relying on old friends rather too much, they are moving on which is sad for me to see

Are their any children that she has mentioned being friendly with particularly? If so you could message their parent and ask if they wanted to come over for a playdate.

If you aren't sure of who the parents are of the children she is friendly with then message the group asking 'Is Joe's mum on here? If so could you drop me message 😊'

This would be quite a normal thing to see on my DD's class whatsapp group- there has been a new child each year my DD has been at school.

Have you asked her if she would like to invite someone round?

Ask her to invite a friend over for tea this week before school shuts and it’s to late otherwise its going to be a long 6 weeks! Mine just goes out to play and comes back with a hoard of kids.

Is the school doing holiday club, or a local one where some children from her school will go? Will be easier to make friends this way without the pressure.

Holiday club is a good idea or ask if anyone is doing any other summer clubs or courses? Look up free local events eg a library meet an author event and put it on the whatsapp group with a message that you’ll be there if anyone else fancies it? Ask her to ask her friends what they are up to and see if anything is easily “joinable”? Ask her teacher who she/ he thinks would suit for a playdate and message that parent?
At the end of the day if the whatsapp group is dead and she won’t ask people for playdates, you’re going to have to get involved. Network at pickup as much as possible these last few days. I dont do many pickups because of work but the last day is early pickup and I always go and do the rounds chatting, often several useful things come of it.

As others have said, maybe ask on the Whatsapp group if anyone is sending their children to any summer camps and see if you can sign her up. I’ve signed my 6 year old up for a few days in a gymnastics camp (a gymnastics class she goes to) but honestly her little sister is going too so they will probably play together.
I think it’s a weird time at the moment. Unless parents already know each other they aren’t likely to send their kids off for tea at friends houses. It’s kind of like the parents need to be friends first. Make sure next year you use birthday parties as an opportunity to make connections. I also think a lot of people over plan holidays so don’t always have loads of free time.
Mine tend to mix more with my friend’s kids (not local, different schools) or their cousin, who also isn’t local. We use to be quite close to the neighbours kids too but they moved.
To be honest I think I also wish we had more connections with school friends. I am very social and chatty, but most of the school live in the same village and grew up there too, so it is different

Does she do any activities outside of school? Mine do gymnastics and dance and the older one does Cubs. I think if she is younger primary then you may need to assist with the plan making. A simple ‘we’re thinking of heading to the park at 10am, would anyone like to join us?’ That’s how it often goes in our group chat. Or invite a specific child or two to your house.

how old is your child? Sorry, I couldn’t see that mentioned in the original post?

from my experience, if your child is happy then so be it- if they get back to school & theres lots of chatter about what peers done together as friends, as she feels left out, she will be likely to ensure it doesn’t happen again & will invite a friend over.

however, I mean this kindly, I think this is a you problem & not your child problem. My daughter is 14, & although she has plenty of friends at school, she loves down time at the weekend & holidays. Her siblings aren’t the same, they are constantly surrounded by friends, but this has never interested her. Every one is different, follow your child’s lead, if she’s happy, then that’s the main thing

Agree with pp about trying to find organised activities. We've never had much luck trying to set up playdates over the summer, people are either away or parents are working and the kids are in clubs or with grandparents etc.

That said, the ones that do work on our class WhatsApp are on-the-day type invites like "'we're off to X park/softplay this morning if anyone fancies joining". You often catch one or two people who don't have anything planned.