Struggling after birth and unsure about having only one child

[Siana1994]

Hi everyone,
I’m posting because I feel really alone and I’m hoping someone else has been through something similar.
I love my little girl more than anything, but since having him I’ve really struggled with anxiety and depression. Some days I feel like I’ve completely lost who I am. I miss my old life, my independence, and sometimes I even find myself regretting becoming a mum. I feel so guilty writing that because I adore my baby, but I can’t keep pretending these thoughts don’t exist.
One thing that’s been playing on my mind a lot is that I honestly don’t think I could ever do this again. My pregnancy was difficult, and my mental health since giving birth has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. The thought of another baby fills me with panic rather than excitement.
The problem is that my partner has always dreamed of having two or more children, and I’m terrified of telling him that I think I only want one. I’m scared he’ll be disappointed or that it’ll cause problems between us.
Has anyone else felt this way in the early months? Did your feelings about having more children change as your mental health improved, or did you stay happy with one? And if you decided you only wanted one child, how did you have that conversation with your partner?

It sounds like your DC is less than a year old? Very early to be thinking about a second child. You might change their mind as they get older. You might not. Either decision is completely valid. I wouldn't tie yourself up in knots yet though. Focus on the child you have and your mental health.

Many of us have been where you are. My DS is only 2 but I still don't know if I can do this again. It's normal. Having a baby and raising them is the hardest thing a woman will likely ever do. I have actually got a lot of my old life back now but it will never be the same. And adding a second makes it all 1000 times harder.

Your DH can want whatever. He's not the one carrying the biggest burden here. And he can't force you to have another.

Enjoy your baby for now. Don't think about a second. Keep the clothes etc, put them in storage, and revisit the idea in 1-2 years. No need for any heavy conversations now.

At present you should focus more on your child and less about the future planning. You could make your husband understand your condition and ensure that for a healthy upbringing you require to pay attention to a single child. Maybe after a few years the preferences change. Hope this helps.

thanks everyone, sorry I get it’s early and he’s only 6 months old but I’m already feeling the pressure not just from my husband (he just mentions it every now and then) but everyone surrounding me. I’m very focused on baby now, I just don’t know what to say when people talk about a second child at the minute especially since I’m struggling a bit.

So you just nod and if pressed re timing you reply saying there's no way you're having 2 under 2, it's very bad for the baby and bad for mother's health. Shut them up and kick the can down the road for when you're mentally better. Don't get into detailed conversations about what you might want or not, whether you cam handle a second etc, that's a hole you cannot dig yourself out of with people who are relentless.