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Adult son self-harming, staying out and has now moved out

3 replies

BarbieButt · 11/07/2026 22:25

Have 1 19yr old son.
Worked and finished an apprenticeship.
This year he has discovered alcohol and started meeting up with friends. We were happy with this as he'd always been stuck in his room on technology for hours.
Anyway he recently "came out" and said he had met someone, this person turned out to be trans....again not a problem and we supported as best we could.
He has had a history of mental health and a little self harming which i foolish put down to his sexuality and thought coming out would have helped.
Anyway he has turned into the worst human being his room is disgusting he comes home when he wants and refuses to do anything he doesn't want to or asked of him and talks to me like im crap!
He's started self harming again massively and refuses to speak about it, just says it and addiction and won't have professional help and hes stopped taking his antidepressants saying I forced him on them.
His boss has noticed his wrists and has approached me about it.
Today came to a head.
He'd been out from 5.00pm yesterday evening and got home at 1.00pm today, we had no idea where he was and ignored any contact we made.
I admit I did loose it with him and told him I wasn't prepared to let him carry on like it.
He said he blamed me and his dad for his life, wished he'd never been born and that he hates us and living with us so I said "go" live your life somewhere else then!
He packed his bags and went.
So now what?? Im breaking my heart but I know it can't continue as it is he has no respect for us!
I hate to say at this point I don't even like him anymore, but I hate myself 😪
Also to add both myself and husband have had serious health problems and only last week I was in hospital as an emergency, he just doesn't care !!

OP posts:
ThisChicUser · 11/07/2026 22:55

dont beat yourself up! I hope youre relaxing after youre own hospital trip. It sounds like a very stressful situation and its so hard because of his age now.

I would definitely ring 111 for advice and explain hes self harming and he needs help.

sorry I haven't got anymore advice I hope you're as ok as you can be. its incredibly hard loving someone with mh and you're only human and to me it sounds like fear took over the last conversation you had with him x

CalmWriter · 11/07/2026 23:04

I presume the above poster meant 101. 111 is NHS

Realistically OP you can’t do much due to his age, the police could pick him up and take him to hospital if you believe he’s at risk of harming himself, outside of that you’re powerless.
This is clearly an issue that should have been dealt with a long time ago

BarbieButt · 11/07/2026 23:46

Believe me I haven't been burying my head at any point and have been trying for a long time to help him, I naively thought him coming out and him going on antidepressants was a good sign, he'll never open up and just stares blankly at me and refuses to speak

OP posts:
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