How can I gently stop breastfeeding my 22-month-old toddler?

[Bails124]

Im still breastfeeding my 22 month old as he is obsessed with the boob and I just can't seem to get him off it , he will ask for "boobie" many times throughout the day and also throughout the night. He will sleep until about midnight and then I sleep in his room as he will not sleep without breastfeeding for the rest of the night. I'm completely exhausted and feel so deflated and low in mood. Ive tried saying no to him and saying only boobie when going to bed but now he's saying "boobie in bed" throughout the daytime and having meltdowns if I don't give it to him!! I don't know what to do, my husband says just give it to him as he's asking so he isn't much help and doesn't go into settle him at night as says he only wants mummy. I feel alone and I don't know how to stop breastfeeding without causing chaos!

You are not alone! I recommend looking up Lucy Webber on instagram - super supportive and loads of info. Even does workshops you can join. I have no personal advice - my first fed to 17 months but wasn’t super interested and I just went cold turkey and he didn’t seem to notice. I’m now feeding my second (currently 17 months) and she is obsessed. Totally different. Starting to put some boundaries in at night but very loosely - I will be where you are in a few months I’m sure! Good luck - you have done incredibly and sorry I can’t be more help!

Op look at long term effects of lack of sleep. . You need to put your physical wellbeing first. Your dc does not need bf overnight.

Sorry dc but dm needs to get to sleep now. .wear a pj top and tuck it in to the bottoms.

Think you might just have to tough this one out. There might be chaos but it will worth it as it sounds like this is really wearing you out and down. At 22 months multiple times a day really about soothing and not nutrition. I think you have to totally refuse to offer breast during the day. I would offer bedtime feed then no boob during the night. I choose to sort the day first as it felt easier but the constant disrupted nights were what bothered me most.

Your husband needs to remember that he is meant to be a partner in this and step up bigtime. He should be supporting you in this by going in to your son at night. I would even consider taking yourself away to an hotel/family/friend for a night and going cold turkey on the in the night boob.

Thanks everyone for your replies & advice!
I think I'm just going to have to toughen up and start setting some boundaries, I just find it difficult as I don't want to feel like I'm letting my DS down as I know breastfeeding is his comfort! I will definitely get DH to start helping out more with the night times.

It’s easy for your DH to tell you to cave in..,he’s got undisputed nights and doesn’t have to do anything.

mine was similarly shit - I really hated him for it eventually. He’d half heartedly’deal’ with the baby who would be kicking off while I lay in the room next door , crying. Then he’d bring him and tell me he couldn’t do it.

I ended up going to Glastonbury and leaving him to it as while I was there - there was no way he wouldn’t arrive with a hysterical toddler.

good luck.

Look at Lucy Weber or Emma Pickett for advice. And if you want to reduce / stop your husband absolutely will have to step up, particularly overnight. That’s the only thing that worked for us. So I first cut down day feeds to only nap and bedtime; then cut nap feed; then gradually postponed the time I fed overnight until I’d stopped overnight. Now I just feed after dinner (mine is also 22 months), but do bear in mind I started this at Christmas so it’s been a slow journey. For the nights, I sent my DH in. I’d also look at schedule - for my daughter her nights improved a lot after we cut her nap to 1 hour, 8pm bedtime and then night weaning. And we always get her up by 6.30am.

@Bails124 I stopped bf my son at that age - after trying things like only feeding in one room or dropping feeds and it going precisely nowhere, I woke up one day, put plasters on my boobs and declared they had broken 🤣 He was at the perfect stage of being old enough to understand but naive enough to not really question it.

We did it on a Saturday morning, so had a busy weekend, a few treats, I even got him a little toy on the Monday for "for being kind to mum with her plasters" 🤣 He was fine! It was so much easier than I thought it would be. Saturday night he took a bit longer to fall asleep but went off ok with a cuddle. The night wakes were a bit tough the first couple of nights but again, had a cuddle instead and it was ok.

I kept the (refreshed) plasters on for a couple of weeks, expressed a little bit at night/in the shower to ease the transition because obviously it was a sudden stop for my body. But it was fine.

@Fivebyfive2 I think that is absolutely brilliant

@tinyspiny I think it was because it was presented as something that was out of our hands? Like I wasn't just saying No to something he'd always relied on or making it confusing. He could see the plasters, I told him very simply they were broke, we could cuddle but no milk because (points to plasters) look, they won't work. Let's have a cuddle and do Duplo with a biscuit instead.

I also still did the nights at first, although dh did take him out for a few hours both days of the weekend. But me doing the nights helped I think as it wasn't "no boob, no mum" it was "look, mums still here, same bed, same book just cuddle instead of boob" and I feel like that helped. I think dh taking over to "replace" me/bf would have reinforced the (toddler logic) that "having dad = not having mum/boob".

We did gradually swap to dh doing more at night and it was successful, but that was seperate to the weaning.

Yes, your DS is old enough to understand boobs are now broken. I love the plasters idea.

Don’t feel guilty @Bails124 you’ve absolutely done an amazing job. Now you and your DS need better sleep. Sleep is so important.

Just do it and stick to it. Your DH will just have to pull his weight now. He’s had it easy for too long.

Thank you all and for sharing your experiences too, really helpful and nice to know I'm not alone and others have been where I am right now! ❤️

I read about a gradual approach where you just start extending the time between feeds. I’d already given some boundaries around eating since she was just over one, for example I would have her wait a minute if I was in the middle of emptying the dishwasher or something so it wasn’t completely alien to her to wait, then I started by going a bit later each night. So in your case if he wakes at midnight for a feed you don’t feed him until 12.15 or 12.30 or whatever you think he’ll tolerate. The next night he can’t have a feed until 12.30 or 1 or whatever you decide, then you feed as normal all night
and that way you’re just stretching the time so they get used to it bit by bit, and offer lots of comfort/distraction whilst they wait until the time. Similar in the day, though I didn’t do both at the same time. I started pushing feeds, or dropping feeds but keeping her busy. Eventually we were down to a few a day and then I would just drop one at a time and give it a few days or weeks at the new amount. This obviously took ages though. It worked for us because I didn’t really want to stop, I was just struggling with the amount and I can’t tolerate any crying at all. I appreciate if you’re over it completely the plasters approach works well and much quicker and quite a few friends have done it successfully.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I've started by stopping daytime feeds and it's going really well so far , just feeding before bed and when DS wakes during the night. Going to stick with this for a few weeks before trying to wean at nighttime.

DS didn't feed to that extent by that age but would still only go to sleep (for me anway!) BFing by 2. Including multiple wakes through the night. I tried stopping over the course of a few months but the gently gently approach didn't work for us. I was too soft basically and would just give in! Eventually I made a spur of the moment decision to stop on his 2nd birthday. I told him that now he was 2 he was too old for booby and we would cuddle to sleep instead. He accepted that without question. The first night or two were a little tricky as we both figured out new strategies but we muddled through and his sleep greatly improved after that. For us doing it cold turkey like that was much better - like taking off a plaster!

I did it gradually, spoke about it lots, read the boobie moon and then did night weaning. (Allowed boob to fall asleep but not upon waking, and I let that settle in for a good while)
Then no boob during the day, apart from for naps and bedtime.
Then dropped bedtime boob, so then it was only naps… And then at that age the nap starts to become hit and miss… and in the end they never even realised we had stopped boob, took a few weeks to notice anyways, as just dropped it naturally as no nap so no boob! Never thought we would get there without so much heartbreak and tears but we did it! Hope that helps