Did your shy nursery child become more sociable as they grew up?

[ToysRus56]

Hello, does anyone have experience of children who have been fairly shy and reserved at nursery become sociable older children? Thank you

My ds never spoke at nursery. He knew my best mate for about 2 years before he spoke to her pre school age. He's now 22 and never shuts up. Was and still is a very very popular dc..still has friends from primary school.

This didn't happen to mine, but you know what? Being shy isn't so bad. My DS is a young adult now and is still quite shy and reserved. He's also bright and loyal and happy and awesome.

My son wouldn't speak to anyone at nursery. He's now 7 and although he will not generally initiate conversations with new people, he will politely respond to people speaking to him, and at school he is very popular, has loads of friends, the teachers love him and he even volunteers for show and tell in assemblies. It's all just different personalities, I'm sure once he settles into school his confidence will grow.

My child was incredibly shy at nursery. She would talk about the other children so I thought she had friends, only to be told by the staff that she didn't actually play with them/talk to them. She just watched them. It broke my heart a little. She is now nearly 18 and has a wonderful group of friends, she is confident and popular, but always tentative in new settings as she likes to figure out the lay of the land.

My ds would not socialise at nursery. I ended up taking him out.
He became a confident popular adult studying to masters level, with a good job. Don’t worry just give encouragement where you can.

yes and growing into a confident little boy thanks to great teachers. He is popular and seems to be well liked. Not the loudest but will speak to people now.

Yes my son at nursery was very shy and quiet. I was worried but he became much less shy when he went to school. He's always been on the quiet side but he has lots of friends and is confident.

Yes 100%. My son was a late speaker, very introverted. It took him until about 6 or 7 to really start coming out of his shell but now he has lots of friends.

Yes indeed. One of mine was a very shy and timid child but as an adult she’s more social than me and has a job which involves flying all over the world presenting to groups of strangers.

I feel very strongly that forcing them to do things that they’re scared of isn’t the way to go. We were criticised by family for being over-protective, but I ignored it. Gentle encouragement, yes absolutely, but also a safety net.

We were also lucky enough to have a local primary school which was perfect for her: small and nurturing. She really blossomed there (but was still nervous of secondary school and didn’t enjoy that much).

Not really! Both my DDs were quite shy at nursery and still are. They both have a lovely group of friends and they are confident in their own ways but they’re just not the loud/chatty ones in their classes.
I am not either, DH and I are both introverts and that’s ok - everyone’s different

Yes. But not until he was about 18!

My daughter was quite outgoing at nursery but became incredibly shy at school. By little by little over the years she built her confidence and friend circle and now at 12 she has a lovely group of good friends.

She is still pretty slow to warm to people but I am sure she will continue to open up over time.

Yes but only from around age 20. He was painfully shy until he had been working for a few years and started socialising with some of his work colleagues.

Now a very confident assertive 30 year old but it took a very long time to get there.

Not everyone is sociable and extroverted. Plenty of shy and reserved happy adults out there.

It’s going to depend to an extent on what you’re modelling for him. Does he see you being socially-confident, having good, healthy friendships?

Yes! My daughter was very shy at nursery until she was comfortable right at the end of pre-school. After a Year at school I can honestly say that she is super confident and able to talk to anyone. The change over the last couple of years has been amazing.

Painfully shy at nursery- wouldn't talk for several months.

Now in Year 1 and he is sociable, engaging, well-liked among peers and loves play dates, parties etc.

He is definitely still quiet and more of a "watcher" and a "listener ". Not a bad thing IMO !

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your replies. I was very shy as a child so I'm probably overly sensitive about this. Just as someone else described, I thought she was really sociable at nursery, always talking about her 'friends' but it turns out she spends a lot of her day quite happily alone which I find a bit heartbreaking. Definitely more of an observer. I just don't want my experience for her which was really quite lonely... but I'll never force her to be different

DD wasn't shy. But she was quite unfriendly! Has mellowed as she has grown up and is now a sociable older teen.