Teacher called after my seven-year-old asked a very upsetting question

[Woewyd]

I’ve just had a phonecall from my child’s teacher to inform me that today at school they asked their table to put up hand their if they wanted xxxxxx to die? Wwyd. They are 7.

I have asked if anything happened or had been said before they asked this question of their table, no. I asked what on earth possessed them to ask such a question, don’t know. Had a chat about how that would make someone feel, how unkind it is etc etc. There was remorse, my child was upset but I feel so disappointed and unsure as to whether I should do anything more.

Omg that’s awful the naming of the groups

The programme traitors has come to mind - shows you how easy it is to convince a group to gang up against someone and start making nasty comments

Whats App breeds mob mentality

Remorse that they said it or remorse that their parent has been contacted? Even at 7 some children can be manipulative.
This is the beginning of bullying ‘ queen bee ‘ type behaviour which can escalate quickly.

It’s good the teacher called you and you’ve talked to your dd about it. She has shown remorse and knows it was wrong of her to say what she said. I teach this age and I’ve heard similar.

Yeah that is awful and it’s not normal I’d say.

I’ve worked with kids for almost 2 decades and I’ve not witnessed this. Not saying it doesn’t happen because I’ve not seen it but I don’t believe it’s that common.

If I did see it I’d be particularly concerned at the bullying /gang mentality of it. It wouldn’t be quite as bad if they were two kids having an argument and your child said “I wish you’d just die”. However this unprovoked action of rounding up others to show their dislike for another pupil is cruel.

I’m a 90s kid and grew up in a working class community in west coast Scotland where kids would have so-called banter that could be quite unkind, but even this isn’t something I could have imagined someone saying.

Keep an eye on your kid OP and ask the teacher too as well to make sure she isn’t a class bully. Maybe read some books with her that have an anti-bullying/kindness message.

That kid XXXX might forever remember what your child did. I can’t imagine this is a one off.

Maybe I've missed a bit where has the op said 'child wanted others to say whether they also want this child to 'disappear' 'stop being at school' stop playing' to ostracise the other kid.?
Yes it can feel mean if you are the subject of it. That doesn't mean the child fully intends that.
Them being 7 means adults have to help them grow empathy in all sorts of ways.

I do respect the knowledge of teachers but please remember other people have experience of child development.
My son, preoccupied with a task, said to me once quite seriously ' pass me daddy'

It didn't mean he thought his dad was an object. Socialising was always just a bit complicated.

This 100%👆

Yousay55
What you've said is correct, and because she's tried once she'll wait and try again
I really sense a Queenbee mentality right there
That girls mother needs to keep tabs on her and this is why I've never watched anything like "traitors" it breeds a bullying contempt for others it feels deserves it

I've never watched traitors, what is it that promotes a bullying mentality?

You could have read the thread title for a clue if you were struggling so much

I really sense a Queenbee mentality right there

I think you may be over identifying with something in your own experience. You have not met any of the children involved to sense anything about their motivations.

I'm inclined to be cautious as I've witnessed a situation in my own DC's circle where the majority wanted one child gone for very good reason. The one child in question being a nasty persistent bully.

It may be something like your experience, it may be something like mine, it may be something else again. We don't know the context.

Yes, are they watching weird stuff online? On YouTube? We had to tell Granny that some of the stuff DS was watching was giving him strange idea! She wouldn’t have known about the videos rolling on to the next one…

The death bit is a red herring.. but it is bullying to incite others to gang up on one child. At that age it’s no different from ‘who else thinks XXXX smells?’… it’s nasty and needs addressing.

It is bullying. Doesn’t matter whether it’s persistent targeting, or a one off. The behaviour can be bullying in isolation. Generally a comment like this isn’t the end, but will often lead on to other unpleasant behaviour towards the victim. I’m struggling to see how some posters are so blasé about it. I can’t imagine how the other child must have felt. A 7 year old definitely understands the impact their actions and words can have on others.

Your post is a good example of the adultification of kids yet at the same time society more and more infantilises young people generally

A 7 year old doesnt want and cant really comprehend that they want someone dead or gangs up in a serious way that is intended to cause serious harm.

They only know, as someone gives a good example of, 'oh I dont like xxxx, they smell, arent they stupid'

Bullying isnt a one off incident of a horrible comment which dilutes what bullying really is.

As others have said much better than me, kids need guidance and empathy about their behaviour means and rules and boundaries. They dont need to be knee jerk identified as virtual psychopaths or with some Machiavellian scheme

It’s a mean thing to say. I disagree it’s bullying. If it is pretty much all kids bully & pretty much all kids are bullied because saying nasty things to one another and jostling about around social position is super common in primary age kids.
Our cubs are generally nice children. They still do stuff like this. It’s important to correct it and remind the pack why it’s not acceptable but also to recognise at primary age (& even beyond) children lack the ability to manage conflicts and negative feelings well. They need feedback to learn how to. They don’t need to be classified as bullies or for adults to react like they’ve done something evil. The ones who have had something mean said also surely will do better with adults openly expressing that what was said was unkind/unacceptable and also isn’t true and they don’t need to take it to heart vs overreacting and making it all into a massive deal.

Has your child recently learned about death? I mean the concept? Like a pet has died and they learned about heaven, etc? It may be innocent or it may be something more nefarious. Only you know.

Have them sincerely apologise to the person and write a letter to you promising to always be kind and to not be a part of any bullying.
That's what I'd do.

Many children don’t break up till Thursday. In large parts of the country.

No they're not. Leeds schools are in this week.

That’s why she said “lots of” not “all of”

Most likely, at that age, they thought it was a funny and silly question to ask to get a reaction. Unless there’s more to it, I doubt there was anything malicious about it. But you are very correct in explaining that it is not a nice thing to ask and show it would affect the other pupil.
Try not to think too much into it.

I did and it didn’t make sense to me or I wouldn’t have asked - I wasn’t the only one to ask for clarification - and that’s ok

who are you to 👮 people’s level of understanding

what a waste of a post and very arrogant, esp as its already been said by another 👮 of posts - go away the pair of you!

how silly. that kid will be wondering whats for dinner.

No you’re being silly if you think you can know for certain the kid is now wondering “what’s for dinner”.

Fact - I have met high school kids who remember less harsh things that other kids said from primary schools.

I have met adults who remember and are still hurt by it.

Hopefully it won’t but it’s obviously very possible this will upset them for a long time to come.