Teacher called after my seven-year-old asked a very upsetting question

[Woewyd]

I’ve just had a phonecall from my child’s teacher to inform me that today at school they asked their table to put up hand their if they wanted xxxxxx to die? Wwyd. They are 7.

I have asked if anything happened or had been said before they asked this question of their table, no. I asked what on earth possessed them to ask such a question, don’t know. Had a chat about how that would make someone feel, how unkind it is etc etc. There was remorse, my child was upset but I feel so disappointed and unsure as to whether I should do anything more.

I think a child of seven is well aware what they were saying, and how awful it was. If my child had come home from school in tears because another child had said this about them, I would be going ballistic. It’s a very cold detached thing to say, and I can’t think of a single situation when it would be okay to say it. Vile behaviour…..

😂

I agree with this. Even my 4 year old, who is minimally verbal, understands death. However, he doesnt understand it in the way that we do and the wider damaging impact it has on loved ones, etc. I agree I dont think the words held much meaning.

However, to that particular child those words would of meant everything and it would of been horrible, especially at the tender age of just 7 years old.

OPs child is becoming dangerously close to becoming a bully, this is how it starts. Cracking a few jokes at someone else's expense, uniting others against them to exclude them. Then when they get that feeling of dominance and power it just gets worse. I empathise this is difficult and upsetting position for her to be in, nobody wants their child to be a bully. But it concerns me that her replies are only really in response to people telling her its nothing and piggybacking off her husband pretty much dismissing all of it.

OP please do not turn a blind eye to this in the hopes that it will go away. If you do that it will get worse, and you will have much much worse phone calls to deal with in the future, make no mistake. You've had a chat with your child, but you need to have a serious conversation with them, about how it makes their bullying victim feel and why that makes it wrong. About how it will change them as a person if they continue down this route, and not for the better. I know some people will say its too much for a 7 year old to hear - it isnt. If theyre intelligent enough to make comments that they want another child to die, theyre intelligent enough to understand why saying such things are so wrong on so many levels.

If this was my child I would personally have them apologise to the other kid.

So much overreacting

you’ve been informed. You’ve spoke to her. A very firm ‘ you do not do that again, do you understand?’ and an explanation as to why we don’t do this sort of thing. I’d also be wanting a conversation about why she thinks she may have done it. A silly joke? A genuine dislike of other child? Copying something she has seen? A current trend in the school? Whatever

I’d then speak to the teacher again to let her know how you’ve handled it and then I’d request a further phone call should this raise its head again.

Thats how you handle it in my opinion. Firmly , decisively and without overreacting

Yes ive noticed quite a common theme on MN where victims are rarely considered, particularly here...

We are too. All of Leeds.

A teacher will have good measure of how the age group they teach understand certain concepts, it's literally what they studied and are trained in. their are variations but there are also expected developments. Aged 6-9 generally nt children without SEN begin to understand death is permanent.

Characters ' die' in online games all the time. Even in this case, op's child wanted others to say whether they also want this child to 'disappear' 'stop being at school' stop playing' to ostracise the other kid. Mean. It all depends on how his or her parents will deal with it now.

This was said about me at age 8 and left a lasting affect on me that I had to have counselling for later in life. What started as only a comment among a group of people, quickly progressed to exclusion, horrendous bullying and me doing anything to get out of going to school. I'd ask the teacher to have a word with the entire cclass or group about how inappropriate it is.

Have they been learning about Jesus and why we celebrate Easter? I found the kids came out with all sorts of morbid stuff about death around then. Its not uncommon for them to be super curious about death at 7 and all this talk of Jesus dying just gets their little brains firing.

My son finishes on Thursday, different LA,s do holidays differently.

Easter holidays not started here yet, they break up on Thursday and go back on 20 April. Newsflash-different places have different term dates!

Kids are at school here

OP, 7 year old say stupid things all the time. I havent read the full thread though, is this a friend they fell out with or a child they dont like?

Even then Im not sure I would make a big deal out of apart from what you've done already which is to say that its not nice and we dont say or think that.

I actually thought it was Trump!!!

And I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a little boy who said this, everyone is talking about OPs daughter.

I’m in Manchester and my school is in this week, they break up tomorrow.
It’s a Catholic school so they’re always in for Holy Week, I imagine many others are the same.

This isn’t a ‘stupid thing’ though. What has been said in front of the victim here could stay with them for a long time, affect their self esteem and their learning in class. To ask for a vote amongst peers of who wants another child dead is way beyond stupid. It’s bullying and frightening behaviour. I’d wonder if OPs child has issues, and worry about the safety of the victim.

They are still in school in Scotland.

Literally you’re completely wrong. A lot of local authorities have Easter holidays the first two full weeks of April, regardless of when Easter falls. Mine break up on Thursday and go back on 20th, like literally millions of others.

Well that's not true im in England in greater Manchester and my son is in school until Thursday

Its incredibly unpleasant and nasty, but unless he is targeting this other child it isnt bullying, that word is hugely overused. An incident of a nasty comment or some name calling is not bullying

The safety of the victim? I mean come on, is this kid a psychopath now?

The other child will need to be reassured and comforted that it is indeed a very very stupid thing to say and not to believe it, not to take any notice of it and hes been very well told off.

Its no more or less than 'Im going to kill you for that', exclaimed when angry or pissed off.

Not in Manchester, Trafford or Rochdale they aren't...

If you read my posts I already agree it’s bullying and needs addressing

Trying to incite the other children to hang up is definitely bullying through targeting

I was in a swimming pool today. A boy of about 7 approached my 3 year old daughter and for no reason, pushed her head under the water. His father was MORTIFIED. I mention this because all children have their moment of being a little sh*t, and forgive me but it was your kid's turn today, try not to think of this as a catastrophic incident. I (a girl), distinctly recall grabbing a boy in my class around the throat and pinning him against a tree for something said in year 5 (mercifully, an isolated incident). We are not the finished article at that age and need guidance and compassion to navigate life.

i taught this age for many years and I can imagine this being said by a child who was wanting to be funny and cool and really missed the mark. At this age they do and say so many strange things. Definitely the kind of thing where most kids will feel mortified when pulled up on it and won’t say it again.

As a PP said, for me it’s the uniting their peers against the other child rather than the actual words used that is the issue. And I’m willing to bet a 7 year old knew full well that it was wrong. Let me guess, xxxx is an unpopular child?
Bear in mind that in 3 or 4 years time, many of these 7 year olds may be getting their first phone in preparation for transition to high school. Last year, most of Year 6 had a phone and were on various WhatsApp groups by the end of the year. In my experience (parent and school staff), that’s when the bullying really kicks off. DD was added to numerous WhatsApp groups including one with the title “People who hate ‘Jane’” and another called “People who think ‘Jane’ is a selfish cow”. ‘Jane’ was an unpopular girl. The admins of the 2 nasty groups were 2 different people : a boy and a girl, both jumping on the bandwagon of trying to unite their peers in hatred of someone vulnerable. DD showed me and then deleted herself from the groups.
7 is not too young to understand the concept of bullying.