Teacher called after my seven-year-old asked a very upsetting question

[Woewyd]

I’ve just had a phonecall from my child’s teacher to inform me that today at school they asked their table to put up hand their if they wanted xxxxxx to die? Wwyd. They are 7.

I have asked if anything happened or had been said before they asked this question of their table, no. I asked what on earth possessed them to ask such a question, don’t know. Had a chat about how that would make someone feel, how unkind it is etc etc. There was remorse, my child was upset but I feel so disappointed and unsure as to whether I should do anything more.

its not clear if the teacher asked or the child given the context

Op kids say stupid things, it's normal. Just tell your child it's not appropriate and why and she will get the msg. My sons teacher called me over once and said my son asked his friend how he should kill me! He was very upset when his teacher challenged him so and of course didn't mean it. Just had the conversation and made sure he wasn't watching or listening to inappropriate things. You tube is a cess pit even with parental controls.

Going against the grain here, I think it's very worrying. At 7 years old, they should know better than to say something like this! Have they been watching something they shouldn't have been? Who have they been mixing with? Do they have older siblings - or cousins they mix with?

This is what my husband said! But I am kind of glad she phoned as at least now I’ve had a chance to talk to my child and try to nip this in the bud.

Was the classmate XXXXX sitting at the table as well?

Just talk to your child and make it very, very clear that this kind of behaviour/talk is completely unacceptable and why.

But fyi, this isn't the first time a 7 year old has done something stupid and unkind like this at a lunch hall table and it won't be the last. What's important is that the more mature children and the adults in their lives don't ignore it, don't throw in, and address it properly.

@Woewyd what did the teacher do at the time , presumably they haven’t just ignored it for you to deal with it . I think at the very least I’d be getting them to apologise to the other child involved and it probably wouldn’t hurt for you to contact the parent / see them at school and explain that you’ve spoken about it and are very sorry . It is no good just saying ‘oh they are 7’ , it is nasty , bullying behaviour.

7 year olds don’t understand death and grief in the same way as adults, while it clearly seems as though your child wanted to be mean to the other child for some reason, they were unlikely to conceptualise death as being a significantly more horrible thing to say than “who wishes xxxx would go away sometimes”.

A conversation is needed about how much it must have hurt the other child’s feelings to get the whole table to gang up against them and how your DC could have better addressed any issues they had. I’m assuming that something had happened to make your Dc feel aggrieved in that moment and this was how they chose to address it.

You think the teacher asked a class full of children to put their hands up if they wanted a named child in the class to die? Then called op to tell her about it?

If you apply a bit of comprehension it is quite clear what op means

The OP was pretty easy to decipher, people are just being deliberately obtuse and it's annoying- some posters to need to get a life!

I work in primary and this kind of thing is pretty normal. It's kids just working out their status in the class and their own popularity and trying to establish themselves as one of the gang.

Of course, adults intervene and reiterate that this kind of thing is not the best way to make friends and influence people for lots of reasons.

I'd want to know more about the context - was this a one off, silly remark or was it part of a wider pattern of unpleasant behaviour that's starting to escalate? At 7 it can easily be either, so I would let them know that it's not a nice thing to say, and would ask the teacher to keep an eye on it and let me know if anything else happens.

Sounds like your DD could be a bit of a bully. You need to nip that in the bud, sharpish. No gentle chats about being kind. She is starting to bully another child.

Lots of catholic schools are still in as well. It’s holy week

I’d be looking into what she’s watching on screens. Does she like videos where you start with 5 fingers up and you put a finger down and hen you match what the video person says?

It’s one thing to think that the table would be better if X moved seats but death and saying it out loud is extremely mean.

I think that while kids can be impulsive and mean, x must be very upset hearing this from your dd or another child if they told X about it. How would your h feel if dd had to hear that? Would he be so casual?

That's what I'd rather expect the teacher to do at the time, its infantile bullying language, and a teacher should be able to stop it.

This must have been upsetting for you OP.

I don't think it was necessary for the teacher to make such an issue of it that she had to call you.

Children do say things like that.
They don't have the same concept or understanding of death as adults do.
It would be like saying 'Do you wish classmate went to a different school '.
I'm assuming there had been some fall out which is totally normal at that age.

Oh, that was very unkind. Was there any context? Does your child have issues with this child?

What did the teacher do about it?

They're being mean to a classmate. That's not okay and you need to have a strong word.

But anything more is an over-reaction I think

As a primary school teacher I have witnessed things like this countless times . At 7 , they don’t really understand death. You’ve spoke to her , you’ve told her it’s unkind . I wouldn’t put too much thought into it as long as you have been clear about how unkind it was and how it made the other child feel. I wouldn’t think there was any real malice in it .

Your child is a bully and your husband is scornful of the teacher sharing what happened.
So you'll need to explain a couple of things to two people I'm afraid.

ill be the judge of whether its comprehensible to me - not you! Cheeky 👮

Ive seen much worse on here things teachers have been accused of

The post is muddled

In your version why would the teacher ring op about it? Would she ring all the parents to let them know she'd said a horrible thing to her class, or just op?

What a horrible, odd thing to say. That poor other child.

This!!

defo potential bullying that needs nipping in the bud

Thats not true my kids are off. They don't stay at school specifically for holy week. Some schools in other parts of country may have different term dates so might be in.