EX lying to child benefit so I can’t claim for my daughter

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Single dad – eldest daughter (15yrs old) has been living with me full time since April 2025 – I still pay CSA to the mum which I believe I shouldnt be – confirmed by child maintenance services.

The Mum will not agree to update CSA and be honest with the situation and is telling them her daughter doesnt (she does!) so i am having to pay her nearly £400pm.

CSA have advised that i need to contact Child Benefit so that I can the be the sole parent which I would then be able to claim CSA or at least have my payments to her stopped.. however she has declined to child benefit so that I cannot apply CSA.

Investigations are taking longer than expected, how can I show proof of eveidence she lives with me full time?

Has anyone been through this before?

Stop paying it. Just stop the direct debit or standing order! You will be waiting forever for CMS to tell you.

We were in a similar position and were advised to keep paying and then just claim it back off the ex once the CMS had got round to reviewing the case! We did not do this!

Then they will launch a proper investigation if she complains and look at properly. The whole system is a shambles.

My advice to you is to stand up for the right thing and don’t pay what you shouldn’t. And don’t be intimidated by what they say. Eventually even with disputes and high profile cases they end up infront of sometime with some sense!

She could then tell CSA to take it from my wage could she not? Then I can’t manage the issue at all no?

I assume that your daughter attends school…..have you informed the school that your daughter no longer lives at her mother’s address and lives full time at your residence?

I’m sure the CSA and Child Benefit offices can check with the school as long as all parties have written permission from you to check.

Likewise with your daughter’s GP, dentist and perhaps any banks or investments such as ISA’s - again give all parties written permission for the authorities to check.

That’s the thing, she won’t consent anything.. also if I stopped payments they can just take it from my wages regardless.
I feel so trapped, partner and I are expecting a new baby also in 4 months, she is very bitter and toxic with it all not amicable either.
Do I report her to benefit fraud? Technically it is, she hasn’t had her daughter over night for nearly 1 yr neither does she go to see her mum after they fell out

I sent screenshots date and time stamped from my ring doorbell for a month showing my child leaving in their school uniform to child benefit.

Yes I have messages with her saying he only wants to live with you because you let her get away with everything.
no ring doorbell though

Yeah I would suggest you get a ring doorbell. And send the screenshots every day. And I would screenshot all her texts. Also get your daughter to write a statement and tell the school.

It needs to be your address for cb, council, school, drs, dentists etc. gather evidence send it to csa and cancel payments

When ds 14 moved to live with me full time he actually wrote and signed a letter to the benefits which I submitted with my counter claim. It took months.. I emailed my MP. Money sorted within a week.

Is she registered at doc and dentist at your address? School should confirm as well. I’d get a doorbell as per pp.

Stop the direct debit. At the same time submit a formal variation request with CMS with all your evidence. If it’s rejected appeal it….. it’s a ball ache but keep going! Ours took nearly 2 years and ended up in court for justice to prevail. What a waste of time and effort!

Thanks everyone for showing empathy and sharing your advice

You can get a cheaper version of Ring doorbell, with no subscription. Have a look on Amazon.