Spent the first weekend as a family together for a while, DS has turned horrible

[therewegonow]

I am lost as to what’s happened.

This summer has been a busy one and so we haven’t had much time as a family. This weekend is the first one, and my four year old has had a personality transplant and keeps screaming at me and worse hitting and lashing out, head butting me once and kicking.

I am just lost … wtf is going on?

The entire summer and this is your first weekend as a family?

He is probably wondering what’s going on!

what has been going?!

is he back to school tomorrow?

Maybe it's overwhelming him.

My 20yo (various SN) can't cope with normal after disruption.
Takes her a few days to re-regulate herself.

Unsettled by all the change.

There hasn’t been a dramatic lot of change; it isn’t as if DH hasn’t been around t all. Just that eg DS has had a party one of us took him to, or on one occasion he went to visit grandparents with just DH. The first weekend we were on holiday (with just me.)

It’s really strange and upsetting.

More information needed. Why haven’t you been together?

So how long since you had a weekend as a family

and does he have siblings?

that sounds really rough. mine can get so overwhelmed when routines shift. sometimes it comes out as anger because they don’t know how to say they’re upset or missing connection. worth checking if he’s feeling under the weather too, because illness or tiredness can make them lash out. it’s not you doing anything wrong. a calm cuddle when he settles might help reassure him.

Tired, overwhelmed, change of routine, back to school. He needs reassurance and love.

I explained a bit above @PosiePetal but more detail from memory …

The first weekend of August I went away with the children and friends.

The second weekend of August we had some complications with my car so I borrowed MILs. They aren’t local so DH went to them taking DS on the train.

The third weekend DS had a party on the Saturday and then Sunday we were at PILs but with his cousins so not just DH and I.

Then last weekend we went to an event in town but I did some shopping afterwards and they stayed with DH. So while it’s the first ‘family day out’ for a while it’s not that we haven’t spent any time as a family. We’re actually on holiday next week and I’m dreading it as DS is being horrible!

What did you do this weekend as a family? Was it somewhere new? Was something done fervent from usual? Was he up late a lot? Has he been ill recently? Is he starting school next week?

It was just a national trust trail - nothing massively overwhelming I wouldn’t have thought. The only thing I can think of is that DH bought him a new bike yesterday but surely that wouldn’t cause such a dramatic change!

And in the days in between? Both working full time?

but even in what you describe… surely lots of family time too?

Then last weekend we went to an event in town but I did some shopping afterwards and they stayed with DH. S

so on the Saturday… you all went to event in town, then you did some shopping whilst they headed home, and then you headed home and evening together as a family and Sunday together as a family?

Might be because he's 4, nothing to do with your WEs. At 4, boys have their first testosterone surge. The instinct for compliance wanes and they start feeling everything differently. I remember thinking my DS had PMT for 6 months. Lots of love and understanding, and start modelling how to deal with big feelings.

Thanks @DesparatePragmatist . It could maybe be anxiety about school or excitement for the holiday … I don’t know. It hasn’t been very nice though.

How many later than usual bedtimes has he had? Ds 10 is vile after 2 later nights...

Bedtime has been fairly consistent to be fair … he has woken up a bit earlier than usual yesterday and today, though. Early night tonight, for me as well!

It will be about starting school.

It’s probably just a phase - kids are weird (and can be dicks and have of days/weeks likd the rest of us)

Thanks … do appreciate the replies. It reminds me of when he was three and vile but thought he’d left that behind!