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Parenting

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Husband not allowing daughter’s boyfriend in her bedroom

304 replies

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:00

My 18 year old daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for around 1 year. The first time she brought him home to meet us, we all had dinner together, chatted a bit and then they went to her bedroom to watch TV. The next day my husband commented that he wasn’t comfortable with them being in her bedroom and insisted that next time he came over that they were only to sit in the living room. I told him he was being ridiculous but he’s very stubborn and refuses to back down on this. I’ve touched on the idea that if he’s uncomfortable with it then it’s something he needs to work on and not penalise them for. He doesn’t accept this. She’s had her boyfriend over a few more times, usually weekly, since then and they’ve always sat in the living room. For information, my husband doesn’t sit with them, in fact he barely talks to them, he goes upstairs and watches TV in our bedroom. Am I being too laid back about this? I was allowed to have my boyfriend in my bedroom at this age, as were my sisters. In fact, on talking to his mum, he was also allowed to have his girlfiends in his room at the same age. What’s everyone’s thoughts?

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 24/08/2025 14:29

Is your husband her father?

This is a tricky part of our children growing up, but, it happens to us all in the end

fthisfthatfeverything · 24/08/2025 14:30

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:11

Trust me they couldn’t have sex up there even if they wanted to. She’s in our converted attic room. Stairs directly outside our bedroom lead up to hers and it’s open with no door. Not to mention her two younger sisters would be up and down annoying them too.

Then I don’t see the problem.

loobylou10 · 24/08/2025 14:31

What am I reading? Is it the 1940’s? She’s 18, they’re adults in a long term relationship. He is being VVV unreasonable.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:31

Growlybear83 · 24/08/2025 14:28

I think your husband is being very prudish. If they want to have sex, they will find somewhere to do it. I was always allowed to have boyfriends in my bedroom from when I was 14, and tried to be reasonably relaxed when my daughter has her first boyfriends.

Honestly surprised me so much! Personally I wouldn’t allow it under 16 but that’s just my opinion.

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SleepWalkingtoSeville · 24/08/2025 14:32

Unless you never have sex whilst your children are home (and if so, there are much bigger issues at play here) then it’s madness to be so prudish about adults having sex.
.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:32

loobylou10 · 24/08/2025 14:31

What am I reading? Is it the 1940’s? She’s 18, they’re adults in a long term relationship. He is being VVV unreasonable.

That’s exactly my thinking! It’s 2025 for god sake!

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Zov · 24/08/2025 14:33

How ludicrous your husband is, behaving like this when your daughter is 18! Sounds like he's judging her and her boyfriend by his own standards. Does he think if he stops them 'going to her bedroom' that they won't shag? Coz they will. They will just find somewhere else to do it!

Your DH is behaving ridiculously @Lostgirl81

Seeline · 24/08/2025 14:33

I can't imagine a teenage girl/young woman not having a private space with a door! I think that is really important.
But yes at 18, I think having her boyfriend in her room is fine.

Moveoverdarlin · 24/08/2025 14:35

I’m with your DH.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:35

TidyDancer · 24/08/2025 14:11

She’s an adult. Sounds like he isn’t handling that very well. I’d be in agreement if she was 15 and they’d been together five minutes but neither is the case. He needs to loosen up a bit.

Thank you! Yes he definitely does!

OP posts:
Tiswa · 24/08/2025 14:35

Her step Dad has this issue wow that it a red flag for me that he doesnt want her alone with a boyfriend

Tontostitis · 24/08/2025 14:35

TidyDancer · 24/08/2025 14:11

She’s an adult. Sounds like he isn’t handling that very well. I’d be in agreement if she was 15 and they’d been together five minutes but neither is the case. He needs to loosen up a bit.

No she's a teenager, I was pressured to have sex at 16 and really wish my parents hadn't been so liberal. A bit of parental backup is a good thing

Zov · 24/08/2025 14:36

LeeshaPaper · 24/08/2025 14:17

My parents wouldn't allow me to have a boyfriend in the HOUSE. I know this isn't relevant but talk of boyfriends in bedrooms blows my mind!!!

Did you get lost on the way back to the dark ages?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 24/08/2025 14:36

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:32

That’s exactly my thinking! It’s 2025 for god sake!

What’s his justification? He doesn’t get to just say ‘X isn’t happening’, you’re not in a military dictatorship. Ask him his reasoning and, if you don’t agree with it, say ‘no’.

The fact that she’s not even his kid makes this even weirder.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:36

Moveoverdarlin · 24/08/2025 14:35

I’m with your DH.

Why? I’m seriously interested in both sides of this…

OP posts:
Starsandstripes44 · 24/08/2025 14:36

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 24/08/2025 14:32

Unless you never have sex whilst your children are home (and if so, there are much bigger issues at play here) then it’s madness to be so prudish about adults having sex.
.

Not that you expect them not to have sex but to take adult responsibility and find their own accommodation to do do. Does her boyfriend have his own place? Weekend away, holiday etc.

Iloveshihtzus · 24/08/2025 14:38

Tiswa · 24/08/2025 14:35

Her step Dad has this issue wow that it a red flag for me that he doesnt want her alone with a boyfriend

This is an issue for me too. I think if it had been mentioned in the OP, there would be a different reaction.

FrodoBiggins · 24/08/2025 14:38

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:27

Step dad

Why are you letting your partner dictate your daughter's life. It's your decision, why has he already won this argument when it's not even he dad? Creepy behaviour tbh.

Zov · 24/08/2025 14:38

Starsandstripes44 · 24/08/2025 14:25

She is an adult. If you want the perks of being an adult you need to step up on the responsibility of bring an adult. I.e. use your own accommodation or at least make plans to move out. I agree with your husband.

I think this post belongs on the thread someone started this morning, asking about examples of posts with ridiculous hyperbole in them.

Zov · 24/08/2025 14:40

FrodoBiggins · 24/08/2025 14:38

Why are you letting your partner dictate your daughter's life. It's your decision, why has he already won this argument when it's not even he dad? Creepy behaviour tbh.

Yeah this. As several posters have said, there's something a bit weird and slightly sinister about a man not wanting his 18 year old step-daughter alone in her bedroom with her boyfriend. As if he is a bit jealous? Definitely a red flag.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:42

ForZanyAquaViewer · 24/08/2025 14:36

What’s his justification? He doesn’t get to just say ‘X isn’t happening’, you’re not in a military dictatorship. Ask him his reasoning and, if you don’t agree with it, say ‘no’.

The fact that she’s not even his kid makes this even weirder.

I have done he just keeps saying it makes him feel uncomfortable and he shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in his own home. The problem is if I allow it and they head up there it’s just going to start an argument and probably end with the boyfriend being told to leave. I can’t win. I think of him as her dad as he’s basically brought her up since she was 6. Her dad died when she was 5.

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 24/08/2025 14:43

Tbh I also don't love the fact her bedroom comes straight off yours with no door (unless I'm misunderstanding that). I wouldn't have wanted that lack of privacy with a random man I'm not related to at 18. Especially if he started trying to gatekeep my sex life. Ew. Get her a door and tell your partner to fuck off.

FrodoBiggins · 24/08/2025 14:43

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:42

I have done he just keeps saying it makes him feel uncomfortable and he shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in his own home. The problem is if I allow it and they head up there it’s just going to start an argument and probably end with the boyfriend being told to leave. I can’t win. I think of him as her dad as he’s basically brought her up since she was 6. Her dad died when she was 5.

Why does your adult daughter have to feel uncomfortable in her own home?

MrsCarson · 24/08/2025 14:44

I'm team Dh.

Lostgirl81 · 24/08/2025 14:44

Zov · 24/08/2025 14:40

Yeah this. As several posters have said, there's something a bit weird and slightly sinister about a man not wanting his 18 year old step-daughter alone in her bedroom with her boyfriend. As if he is a bit jealous? Definitely a red flag.

OMG!! Seriously weird to even think this! This is most definitely not the case!

OP posts: