Husband not allowing daughter’s boyfriend in her bedroom

[Lostgirl81]

My 18 year old daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for around 1 year. The first time she brought him home to meet us, we all had dinner together, chatted a bit and then they went to her bedroom to watch TV. The next day my husband commented that he wasn’t comfortable with them being in her bedroom and insisted that next time he came over that they were only to sit in the living room. I told him he was being ridiculous but he’s very stubborn and refuses to back down on this. I’ve touched on the idea that if he’s uncomfortable with it then it’s something he needs to work on and not penalise them for. He doesn’t accept this. She’s had her boyfriend over a few more times, usually weekly, since then and they’ve always sat in the living room. For information, my husband doesn’t sit with them, in fact he barely talks to them, he goes upstairs and watches TV in our bedroom. Am I being too laid back about this? I was allowed to have my boyfriend in my bedroom at this age, as were my sisters. In fact, on talking to his mum, he was also allowed to have his girlfiends in his room at the same age. What’s everyone’s thoughts?

I was allowed my boyfriend in my bedroom at that age and we always had sex. If he doesn’t want them having sex in the house he’s right to not have them up there however that doesn’t mean they won’t have sex elsewhere

Hmmm both my parents (not just my dad) were like this when I was 18. They actually made my boyfriend at the time pay for a BnB down the road because they didn’t want him in the house overnight, let alone him staying in a spare room!!! I remember being so cheesed off with it, but said boyfriend turned out to be a cheater and I’m so glad my parents didn’t let him stay because I’d find it weird if they knew we had sex under their roof and then he cheated.

it’s a tricky one. Is your 18 year old at uni or still at home? I guess if she’s still at home then maybe your husband should be more lenient in the sense that they’ve got nowhere else to be ‘intimate’ but maybe if she’s at uni your husbands of the belief is that they can be intimate … ie out of sight, out of mind!

but then again, there’s the argument that it’s better they feel comfortable in your house than in the street, and she is 18.

its hard because all parents are different. My parents were strict until I was 21 and at the time I found it annoying but I do appreciate there reasonings…

No boys allowed in my room either. You are inviting them to have sex.

Your husband is being very prudish - they are both well over the age of consent, and if they want to have sex they will.

However is it your house and your rules - the problem being that right now you aren’t getting a say.

I would say to your husband that you do not want to drive them away from the house, so a compromise has to be found, like they leave the door slightly open to reassure him they aren’t doing the deed. It seems mad at 18, but it’ll probably gradually relax down.

Yes, same.

Ive got older teenagers, I think it’s fair enough to not want them shagging while you are six foot away trying to watch the Antiques Roadshow. Conversely some people would rather their kids were having sex in the comparative safety of their home. I don’t think either is wrong really.

They’ll be doing that one way or another

Absolutely it’s just if you want it in your house and what to possible hear it.

It’s not like they’re not going to have sex if they can’t go to her room. They’ll have it regardless!!

She’s an adult. Sounds like he isn’t handling that very well. I’d be in agreement if she was 15 and they’d been together five minutes but neither is the case. He needs to loosen up a bit.

DS and his girlfriend went to his bedroom to sleep have sex at that age and she stayed over. (With the permission of her parents). They did not go to his bedroom to watch TV. They did that downstairs. My DC didn’t have tv's in their bedrooms. I have stronger views about that than sex if it's in a consenting, serious relationship.

Trust me they couldn’t have sex up there even if they wanted to. She’s in our converted attic room. Stairs directly outside our bedroom lead up to hers and it’s open with no door. Not to mention her two younger sisters would be up and down annoying them too.

For me there can be a compromise. They can go upstairs but they are not to have sex whilst you’re in the house. Sex should be talked about openly, so she knows she can come to you with any issues.

She knows this anyway and because of the set up of her room they wouldn’t anyway. He’s not allowed in the house if we’re not home, again not my rule 🙄

My parents wouldn't allow me to have a boyfriend in the HOUSE. I know this isn't relevant but talk of boyfriends in bedrooms blows my mind!!!

Is there a problem with this? They’re 18 and have been seeing each other for around a year.

Exactly. TBH I’d rather they had somewhere safe. The room isn’t really private enough enough anyway - converted attic, very open plan.

He’s being a twat.

WOW! Really?!? My opinion is it’s 2025 and they’re 18!

She is an adult. If you want the perks of being an adult you need to step up on the responsibility of bring an adult. I.e. use your own accommodation or at least make plans to move out. I agree with your husband.

Is he her dad?

Yes, the problem is I didn’t get a say. He just put his foot down and that was that. Trust me they’re not having sex up there. She’s in a converted attic room - stairs outside our bedroom and very open plan.

Step dad

I was allowed my BF in my room at that age.
I’d say he knew what he was doing so that’s why he doesn’t want it to be an option for his daughter.
Let’s face it, there will be things happening 😜

I think your husband is being very prudish. If they want to have sex, they will find somewhere to do it. I was always allowed to have boyfriends in my bedroom from when I was 14, and tried to be reasonably relaxed when my daughter has her first boyfriends.

😂😂😂 Really?!? At 18? WOW! Each to their own I suppose but I won’t be asking my 18 year old to move out because she want to have her boyfriend over.