Husband not allowing daughter’s boyfriend in her bedroom

[Lostgirl81]

My 18 year old daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for around 1 year. The first time she brought him home to meet us, we all had dinner together, chatted a bit and then they went to her bedroom to watch TV. The next day my husband commented that he wasn’t comfortable with them being in her bedroom and insisted that next time he came over that they were only to sit in the living room. I told him he was being ridiculous but he’s very stubborn and refuses to back down on this. I’ve touched on the idea that if he’s uncomfortable with it then it’s something he needs to work on and not penalise them for. He doesn’t accept this. She’s had her boyfriend over a few more times, usually weekly, since then and they’ve always sat in the living room. For information, my husband doesn’t sit with them, in fact he barely talks to them, he goes upstairs and watches TV in our bedroom. Am I being too laid back about this? I was allowed to have my boyfriend in my bedroom at this age, as were my sisters. In fact, on talking to his mum, he was also allowed to have his girlfiends in his room at the same age. What’s everyone’s thoughts?

I wasn’t allowed to stay over with my now DH at all… and we met when I was 25 (he still lived at home). The one time I stayed over we had to sleep in different rooms…

he is of similar views but I hope we find a compromise.

But it sounds like you don’t hold any cards in this house. He’s made a decision that affects three other adults without even discussing with you. You then can’t be bothered with the argument - worrying that you cannot have a rational discussion about your daughter without an argument.

putting aside any step parent dynamic it does feel very controlling for him to think you don’t even deserve a say about your daughter before him making a decree.

it also doesn’t sit easily that an adult woman’s romantic relationship is being controlled by a man who doesn’t consider her or mother. I’m not sure that’s a great standard to set for her.

if it’s really just that he’s having a hard time accepting she’s an adult then that’s something he needs to work on and accept he cannot control all aspects of her life and needs to allow her some privacy or risk destroying their relationship

But he hasn’t compromised has he, he’s said the boyfriend is allowed in the lounge. Which is what DH said to start with…?

I think the starting point is whether it’s ok for you to not have your view taken into account or that you have to face an argument (with the boyfriend being thrown out) rather then a normal discussion.

OP is from August, so dd has probably moved out by now!