Husband not allowing daughter’s boyfriend in her bedroom

[Lostgirl81]

My 18 year old daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for around 1 year. The first time she brought him home to meet us, we all had dinner together, chatted a bit and then they went to her bedroom to watch TV. The next day my husband commented that he wasn’t comfortable with them being in her bedroom and insisted that next time he came over that they were only to sit in the living room. I told him he was being ridiculous but he’s very stubborn and refuses to back down on this. I’ve touched on the idea that if he’s uncomfortable with it then it’s something he needs to work on and not penalise them for. He doesn’t accept this. She’s had her boyfriend over a few more times, usually weekly, since then and they’ve always sat in the living room. For information, my husband doesn’t sit with them, in fact he barely talks to them, he goes upstairs and watches TV in our bedroom. Am I being too laid back about this? I was allowed to have my boyfriend in my bedroom at this age, as were my sisters. In fact, on talking to his mum, he was also allowed to have his girlfiends in his room at the same age. What’s everyone’s thoughts?

What do you mean he put his foot down? What would happen if you put your foot down? Why is it that he is in charge and you’re all going along with that? Yuck. Sounds like you’ve married a caveman. Wrong choice.

Why? I am not expecting young people not to have sex. I can't imagine a worse mood killer than having sex in a room next to my parents. I think it would put a dampener on the parents sex life also.

God, keeping the door open until both parties were 16 nearly drove me and the young couple to insanity. After I'd died on that hill, I was well and truly done and they took their chances.

Whoa!! WTF?!?
Her bedroom is in our converted attic. The stairs to her room are outside our bedroom door. There’s no door as there’s no space for one due to the layout. She has no problem with this.
He’s not a random man, he’s her dad as far as I’m concerned. He’s brought her up from the age of 6. Her biological dad died when she was 5.

I completely agree with this

Parent of a 23yr daughter 👋
I was allowing my daughter’s boyfriend to stay over in her bedroom from when she was 16. I want her to be safe over and above all else. I’d met the boyfriend and his family already and if they’re going to do it they will wherever

He’s her step dad but has basically brought her up since she was 6. Her dad died.

It’s time for you and your DH to have a long, honest, calm conversation about the young adult living in your home. He is entitled to his opinion but his is not entitled to make rules without proper discussion with you. He needs to explain why his feelings trump yours and your dd’s.

What age does your dh want her to be before she has sex? Genuine question

I second this, sorry @Lostgirl81

I’m not even talking staying over, it’s just for a few hours. He usually goes home about 10. I must say if it was overnight I still wouldn’t have a problem.

Then you need to step up and parent here. Why does he get to put his foot down? Why don’t you put your foot down? Are you afraid of him?

Why on earth doesn’t she have a door on her bedroom. What a weird set up. And also I think it’s a massive red flag that you’re saying you “don’t get a say” and he’s “put his foot down” and he’s not even her dad.

Yes, you’re probably right, we do need to sit down and talk about it.

Yeah, you need to tell him he is being ridiculous. Put your foot down @Lostgirl81 Stop letting him be the boss! Especially of your daughter!

Oh don’t be so wet. Is he the household Head? .

I was wondering this. If the OP is scared of him. And this young 18 year old woman needs her own door on her bedroom!

I really do think this IS the problem. He has his point of view and you have yours. Why does he think his opinion outranks yours?

Because it’s a converted attic room and there’s no space for one. He is her dad as he’s basically brought her up from the age of 6. Her dad died.

Apart from the privacy issue, this breaches building regs. There is supposed to be a fire door at the top of bottom of the stairs to a 3rd storey bedroom. If there's a fire it will act like a chimney drawing tall flames up to her room.,

I'm pretty sure an attic bedroom needs to have a door for fire safety reasons.

my bf were allowed to be in my room from 16 and allowed to stay over ( in spare room) but no sex. Even when my parents were away i did not have sex in my house out of respect.
they had no issue with them being in my room even late at night watching films as they knew nothing was going on.
i would have a massive problem with him putting his foot down ( why do you have no say???)
she is not having sex so why are they not allowed to hang out? Why do you not get any say about your own daughter?

What it is then your DH is worried/concerned about then?

But he isn’t though and that lack of privacy for an adult woman and him trying to gatekeep are red flags and I say that as someone who doesn’t often go to it.

He isn’t allowing her to be an adult and that just isn’t on

and all that will happen is she will realise this is odd and wrong and move out

@Lostgirl81
Why are you ignoring the important question here.

Why can he put his foot down? Is he in charge? What would happen if you put your foot down?