Shamed for wanting to give formula to baby?

[thepurgebegins]

I guess I shouldn't let it get to me but im so emotional postpartum and dont have enough people around to make me feel better I suppose. Baby is 3 weeks old and I breastfeed him. At the beginning I gave him cow and gate ready made milk which i did with my first too whilst my milk came in fully just once a day for a few days. At night baby has a feed from me and then I give a bottle as a top up with my own milk in but after 5 10 minutes he needs another feed and It can go on for abit. Ive tried giving the ready made milk which helps a little but not as much With my first I gave him hungry baby formula from 2 weeks before before bed only ( he was the same) and it helped him alot in being settled and staying asleep. But when I mentioned doing it my sister in law and a few others in family have said thats just stupid and its bad for them and 100 other reasons. I in no way want to give that bottle to make him sleep longer as babies wake up thats fine. I know im over thinking but unfortunately im an overthinker. Guess I just need someone to tell me straight if I should keep feeding him or introduce the formula to help baby. My mum supports me. Only 2.5 year age gap but feels like I've forgotten everything 😅 thankyou in advance

Your baby, your decision. Your baby is clearly more settled with it.

Don’t even tell them what you’re doing, it’s none of their business. Some people really have to persevere with BF through pain and tears and difficulty, and get abnormally peeved when they hear of other people just opting out of it, or finding their own balance.

Your baby, your rules 💪

The only issue with your plan is that it may sabotage your milk supply in the long run and find yourself with your milk "drying up". It only dries up if you give formula often, especially at night. But you may not want to exclusively breastfeed so that's fine if it happens.

Family can but out. Fed is best.

Don’t be ashamed at all! Formula isn’t bad for babies, it’s good for babies! My only note would be that if you top up with formula rather than allowing baby to cluster feed then your breast milk supply might be impacted and never rev up properly. I just say this as this is what happened to me! But I wasn’t particularly wedded to breastfeeding for ages and just did combination feeding for two months before supply puttered out. Just something to bear in mind but just depends on how much you want to breastfeed, also it sounds like you did it with last child no problems!

Ignore! Fed is best! I tried to BF for 3 days cos of pressure, both me and baby were much happier as soon as I switched to formula 🙌🏻

I wouldn’t give hungry baby formula personally. It is harder to digest so it can lead to digestive issues. It’s not recommended for small babies now.

Otherwise it is totally safe to give a bottle of formula. You are choosing the time when a baby might cluster feed. I’d read up on cluster feeding and how it might affect your supply to not do it. But lots of people give a bottle of formula at another time with no issues.

If you want to give formula then do, but don’t do it because you think it’s helping him more than your own milk would.

Hungry baby formula from 2 weeks just because you want baby to sleep longer is not a good idea. They are supposed to feed frequently and not sleep for too long without a feed at that age. Your family are right about that. Regular formula is better.

I bottle fed 3 of mine from birth. When mine were born in 2000s there was no pressure at all from even the hospital to breastfeed you just told them what you wanted to do. They should keep their thoughts to themselves. It's your decision ignore them. As long as baby is fed and happy thats all that matters. Bottle feeding isn't bad why did they say that. Mine have hardly ever been ill. You can't tell which adults have been breast fed or bottle fed it doesn't matter

So your baby probably doesn’t need formula - if you fed through those cluster feeding demands your body would most likely make more milk in response. So if you want to exclusively breastfeed you would probably find you absolutely could do it.
But if actually what you want is to mix feed with a bottle of formula a day plus breastfeeding, because you like the reassurance of seeing her drink a whole bottle or because you want the option of being able to leave her with someone else for a longer stretch then great!
There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing and it won’t hurt your baby in any way.

well they shouldn’t be rude to you but ultimately breastmilk is better for the baby than formula so if you have a choice and have no actual problems with bf then it might seem odd to give baby an inferior food.

most of the people who i knew who used formula didnt have much of an option. their baby was losing weight or they couldn’t latch well etc.

The majority of people I know combination fed because of maternal choice. Being the sole source of nourishment for your baby and working through the cluster feeding weeks is incredibly hard work, harder for some than others, and being able to hand baby to father or family member for formula feed, or just giving your nipples a rest, is as good a reason as any.

The only problem I see is the hungry baby formula. It’s literally designed to be harder to digest, which can cause problems.

They are rude to share their opinions and you are daft for telling them what you are up.

I had a c section with mine - a daughter. I was in intensive care. I nearly died and my heart had to be restarted. I tried and tried to breast feed her. I couldn’t. She is a ‘cow and gate baby’.

I had a man in a coffee shop in Brighton call me ‘an ignorant self absorbed mother who could not be bothered to feed my own child’
I had PTSD from the birth and PND. From comments like these and pressure from around me.

Healthy mum is best and means healthy child, do what is right for you.

I wish I would be able to go and stand (back in time) next to me a couple of decades ago and lamp that man one - I really do. I wish I could shout at him that - the poor ill me - I had a c section, was a single parent, that I had spent 6 weeks in intensive care and I didn’t care of his mindless ignorant comments and that I pitied any other woman he felt compelled to criticise without actually having experienced a birth himself. I also wish I could have reassured myself that a cow and gate baby would grow up fit, strong and healthy. That she would swim miles with ease by the time she was 12. That she would excel academically and get into oxbridge and study also study veterinary medicine and be a lovely lovely kind but strong young woman. You have a horse that needs stitching with a gash in its leg that’s a 10 mile hike from the nearest road and it’s pissing down with rain at 3 am in winter, in pitch black - she’s your person. (She’s not had to do this but is the sort that would!).

In the nicest possible way refuse to engage with other people’s stupid comments. Don’t ask for advice - you don’t need it. Stop people and say ‘No thanks I am the mother …. I will do what I think is best’ and ‘No I didn’t ask for an opinion’ on repeat.

Do what is right for your child.

Previous posters have already explained this, but to reiterate -

Your baby wanting to feed 5 -10 mins after a feed is normal (albeit frustrating!) Its called cluster feeding, and is part of the process of building your milk supply higher as they grow. So, you either feed more and get more milk, or top up with formula.

Some people never build milk production that high, though - I'm one who can't make enough milk for a baby, whenever I do.

So, feeding formula instead of indulging constant requests for more breastfeeding in a young baby will affect your long term breast milk supply and I guess that's what you relatives are fussing about. There is some evidence that the benefits of breastmilk are cumulative (the more they have instead of other milk, the more benefits it has for the baby.)

However, combination feeding both formula and milk is a perfectly valid and safe option. It also has benefits - mum can more easily get a break, baby is used to bottles as well as boob, you get the reassurance that they are getting enough food and hydration, they probably will sleep better...

Your choices are fine, and your relatives should butt out.

That's how I feed mine too. Breastfed until 8 months. Do what works for YOUR family.

If your baby is settled and growing well, and you’re happy, then you’re doing the right thing.

@TheFlakyAquaSloth I got judgment from a waitress when I was heavily pregnant because I had a planned c section (she was making conversation and she asked about my plans). It was a good lesson for me that I will get judged no matter what I do.

Everyone i know, and I do mean everyone, including work colleagues, told me to stop BF around 7 months. I got gasps of surprise every time and had to justify myself extensively because baby has a dairy allergy and won't accept the shit tasting dairy free formula at this age. Queue questions on how hard I tried, why not add chocolate to the milk, why don't I leave him to starve a day or two etc....baffling, especially as I NEVER complained about it or even brought it up, but people would ask/see my pumping bag/see me feed at a cafe etc.

I'm still BF at 10 months but stopped feeding in the day.....when asked, I say I stopped BF and don't go into detail, so I don't have to face all the judgment.

We can't get it right.

It’s obviously better for your baby to breastfeed. And the first month to six weeks is by far the hardest, so it does seem a shame not to persevere with how amazing breastmilk is for gut health.

Also, cluster feeding is normal.
maybe try to increase your breastfeeding knowledge — follow Lucy Webber feeding support on instagram — and then go from there

She IS breastfeeding. Just wants to provide a top-up.

But if she wanted to go on to completely formula feed, that would be fine as well.

I mean tbh I agree with them, hungry baby formula is not needed for most babies. Whether you want to formula feed is up to you though and you need to be happy with your decision. If you want to breastfeed you should feed him more not less, that’s the way to increase your milk supply so he won’t need top ups, babies do cluster feed in the evenings so it’s not because he “needs” formula it’s just normal baby behaviour

@thepurgebegins You’re 3 weeks post partum with your second child, you’re doing an amazing job.

there will always be noise and people will always give judgement. Everything feels worse in these early days. Trust your instinct. bf / formula / combination / mixed whatever you want to do, your baby will be perfectly healthy. There’s breastfed babies with gut issues and immune system issues, there are formula fed babies who don’t sleep through the night - if only it was so simplistic.

If you’re not feeling supported by in laws don’t tell them what you’re doing and politely say thanks for your advice - I’ve done my own research and this is how I chose to do “x, y, z” - I know it’s easier said than done- I remember feeling crippled with anxiety when I felt I had to justify my choices - I promise it gets easier the more times you push back.

congrats on little one and good luck x

Cluster feeding is healthy and normal, it builds your supply. Stopping and starting is also normal especially in warm weather as the watery milk comes first and the fattier milk after. You can’t give a bf baby water so she’s getting what she needs from your milk.

If you want to carry on breastfeeding I’d skip the formula and feed as and when she needs and wants to. It sounds like she knows what she’s doing, why not go with that. In the long run breastfeeding is so convenient, good for your baby, free, etc.

Sure, but you’re MUCH less likely to successfully continue to breastfeed if you give top ups.