ADHD kids - what were the early signs?

[CuriousCat2021]

I think my 2 year old might have ADHD, but I know it’s impossible to diagnose at this age. If your kids have diagnosed or suspected ADHD, what were they like as toddlers and when did you start suspecting it? Did nursery or school pick up on this at all? Any problems at nursery or school?

My LB was always a demanding baby, but is getting more difficult now he’s 2. He’s very high energy, always on the move, very quick to get very upset if he doesn’t get what he wants, sometimes very persistent with his asks, takes ages to fall asleep at night, and has milk allergy and perhaps other food intolerances which we are struggling to unpick. I know none of these are red flags in isolation, so wonder how this compares with other toddlers who did grow up to have it.

Any red flags I should look out for? Were you and your partner always sure, or did you think it was normal toddler behaviour and they’d grow out of it? Any physical health issues, eg allergies/intolerances?
When did you manage to get them any help?

I've found they won't diagnose ADHD till age 7. Nursery were horrendous. School immediately made referrals but because no diagnosis he constantly was suspended (violent meltdowns he's autistic too). I'm stuck home educating as no school will take him. He's very extreme.

That said age 2 I would not have picked up adhd in him it was eye contact for the autism I saw. I'm adhd myself so not ignorant.

Read up on it so you know what you're looking for and be prepared for year's wait then year's battle if it's ADHD. Probably won't hurt to start saving for private diagnosis many of us end up paying that watt as after years fighting to get on the waiting list you can find it is 3 years. My daughter is on the waiting list to get onto the waiting list so CHAMS can say the waiting list is only 2 years. The system is a joke. The best supporters are other local SEND parents look for them. Good luck

DS didn't have anything picked up by school and was diagnosed as an adult.

He was a very high needs baby who would only sleep on me.

Was always on the move, even when I was PG

Would only nap at home, it was like he was too scared of missing something if we were out.

Appears not to be listening if you talk to him but is fully listening and can tell you what's been said.

Massive procrastination with school work and life admin.

A couple of the things you mention might be more ASD though like not being able to fall asleep at night and milk allergy.

My now diagnosed and medicated 13 year old daughter was the dream 2 year old. Super easy and chilled baby.

My DS who is 5 and so not yet diagnosed (but I’m convinced he has it) gave up his nap at age 2 on the dot. If he slept during the day he wouldn’t sleep at night. We currently do running / biking with him 3-4 times per day to try and tire him out physically.

My dd was missed until she hit teens. Signs for her were-
Over energy
Poor concentration
Talkative/talked fast
Loud
Needing to be in control- know what's happening/how/where/when
Can't bear attention on others
Food issues - later diagnosed with afrid
Intolerance to dairy
Can't stand change

Sorry, this is fairly long!

My DD is 6 and was diagnosed late last year.
Her nursery spoke to us when she was around 3 as they'd noticed behaviour that indicated 'something'.

So, she could never sit on a chair like the.othet children at mealtimes, she'd be up and down, spinning round etc.

Walking from a door to a chair, she'd spot glitter on the floor and that would be her forgetting about what she was doing.

She went into reception and was fine for the first term, then her teacher spoke to us and suggested ADHD. We looked into a private diagnosis but decided she was 5, she could just be 5.

But her behaviour wasn't bad, just flitting from table to table, doing something for a minute, then off. She found sitting for carpet time tough. No major friendships formed. When asked who her friends were for yr1 class arranging she'd just say whoever was with her.

At home, rarely interested in sitting or playing. Had to be doing. Always doing.
Getting her dressed/ready we had to come up with games to do it! Treasure maps to find her clothes, challenges to do it on one leg, a timer, done by end of a song. It was hard work!
She once got distracted by something while her head and 1 arm was in her pj top. She couldn't finish what she was doing!

By year one, she was getting disruptive. Not listening to her teacher for instructions and would need them explaining again.
Making silly noises and not stopping. Singing songs when she needed to be quiet.
If she had to do work, she'd put off starting it and then do minimum.
So we went for a private diagnosis and she has combined.
The difference now she's medicated is unbelievable.
She can focus, hold a conversation, enjoy spending time doing something. It's been amazing for her to be able to do things without the noise in her brain distracting.

Thank you so much for the replies, super helpful!

@ThisIsTrifficult How did you go about getting a private assessment? I am thinking about an assessment for my DD6, who would do something similar with getting distracted while getting dressed, or on her way to the loo, or doing just about anything really. I feel a bit lost amongst all the options but want to get a thorough and proper assessment.

Easy toddler, but absolute fixations on being a specific animal which would last for a few weeks at a time and would involve them being fully immersed in their role as a starfish, bat etc

@doesshehaveadhd I am in a Facebook group, parents of girls with ADHD and found recommendations. We opted for adhd360.
I've found their care really good. Not cheap obviously but it has helped that we have many settings who supported us to use for evidence.
School actively pushed us to go private if we could afford it. She attends a few activities outside of school and I could see the behaviour there too.
We have yet to find the sweet spot meds wise, but have regular checkups.
If you want to know specifics you can ask here or DM.

Ds2 has an ADHD diagnosis. He was always on the go and would often do 'risky' things without thinking (I wonder what will happen if I put the toaster on with a plastic lunch box on top?) He saw a speech therapist as his speech was so fast it could not always be understood. As a baby he 'fed' really quickly, sleep was erratic, terrible tantrums as a toddler. At school he was in a very 'boy heavy' class and a lot of behaviour was seen as being 'a boy'.

When he got to year 4+ they would not accept he had ADHD and just wanted to punish him more and more. They described him as impulsive, fidgety, disruptive but then would say they could not see any signs of ADHD as he would become 'over focused' on things he liked.

I knew we would need school support for any diagnosis so waited until he was at secondary. Unfortunately that meant getting a referral to CAMHS. Even with school and GP support this was incredibly difficult. Unfortunately his risky behaviour escalated and magically we got CAMHS after police/social services involvement.

I so wish I had pushed for an assessment earlier.

I have 2 with ADHD but they also have ASD so difficult to unpick sometimes.

With DS it was obvious from about 3 or 4. He didn't pay attention to anything, unless it was something he was particularly interested in which was usually a screen. It affected his learning e.g. made it difficult to potty train him as he had no focus at all.

Difficult to go out as he would run about, touch things he shouldn't - this would be typical in a toddler but by 3 or 4 you would expect them not to if told. No sense of danger. We kept him in a buggy for a lot longer than normal just because it was impossible to go out for any length of time and keep your sanity intact!

He couldn't sit still EVER, not even to eat or watch TV, he would pace up and down constantly. He fiddled with stuff constantly. He would play with his food with his hands and stick his hands in his drink, like he couldn't bloody stop himself fiddling with everything!

He was impulsive and didn't think through his actions - an example was when we were having a water fight with water pistols (hot day in the garden) he got overexcited and threw a metal watering can at DH's head. He was laughing as if it was funny. This sort of thing happened a lot. He was always devastated when he realised he'd hurt someone or upset them - he literally didn't think of the consequences before he acted. Again this sort of behaviour might be typical in a 2 year old who is still learning, but not in an older child.

With DD it was very different as she's not obviously hyperactive and a lot more sensible, but very dreamy, forgetful and often doesn't have a clue what's going on. She wasn't diagnosed until she was a teen, because her difficulties didn't become a problem until she started secondary school. And then it became very obvious when she couldn't get her shit together at all, and was persistently forgetful, late and couldn't keep up, despite being very bright.

Diagnosed at 2, only 2hrs sleep a day, on the go for the other 22 hours.
Eager to get things done and move on to the next thing.

Very dribbly, blond hair blue eyed, over developed leg muscles from age 1, due to inability to keep still
Always fidgeting, tidying everything even if others were still doing the activity.

You can't really tease out ADHD from normal variations in development until about six unless it is a very extreme hyperactive case with a child that is risk seeking - I've heard of 2 year olds who escape through multiple locked doors in the middle of the night for example! And one who climbed into the family car and tried to drive it! (Luckily didn't manage to).

That said, DS1 who has ADHD was just a very intense 3-5 year old in particular. I never found his baby/toddler years particularly taxing, but when I look back there were strange things - it would take him hours to fall asleep and I basically had to keep sitting with him and keep reminding him not to talk or play because he could keep himself awake and stimulated for hours. He must have been tired because when I reminded him to lie still and quiet he would fall asleep within minutes.

And the opposite too - he slept like a log and in the mornings I could change his nappy, change his clothes all with him in bed without him waking up, pick him up, carry him downstairs and strap him into the buggy and walk outside and around the first corner before he'd actually wake up. It wasn't a problem when he fell asleep in his toddler car seat because I could just pick him up and bring him inside to lie him on the sofa or even upstairs to his own bed without him waking up. It's only since having two younger children who would absolutely not sleep through any of that and don't fight sleep to the same extreme that I realised there was a difference.

He didn't really eat until he was nearly 2. He was basically on about 90% breastmilk until then. I had all sorts of health visitor concern over this but I was offering him food regularly, he would eat a variety of food, he just ate very little, and none of the interventions people suggested did any good (in fact they just made him obsessed with junk food). He still eats less than other children his age. As a teenager I would say that he now has a typical appetite, but not the hollow legs teen appetite that people joke about. He will eat two dinners, but he eats a child's portion of each.

Also, he never responded to instruction as a toddler. I thought that was just what toddlers were like, so I was totally amazed when I had DS2 and one day I did the usual "No" and moved him away from something and he just WENT TO SOMETHING ELSE. And usually I only had to do that 1-3 times and he would just stop. With DS1 I could have moved him away 20+ times and he'd still be going back to the same thing. I had to do all kinds of complicated hiding and pretending we'd run out just to get him to stop obsessing over stuff.

Do remember that because ADHD is a delay, all ADHD behaviours are normal behaviours. They are only considered pathological if they persist past the usual age and/or they are unusually extreme. What might be an ADHD symptom in an 8 year old is perfectly age appropriate for a 3-4 year old. You get this with autism as well - people worry about autism if their toddler is repeating phrases or lining up their toys, but these are perfectly normal developmental stages of play and language development at 2-3 years old. If they are still happening at 4, 5, or older then it is considered more of a problem.

over developed leg muscles from age 1, due to inability to keep still

Interesting that you say that. We all have very nice, well toned legs. Never thought it was because of ADHD!

.

In my area they won't accept referrals for ADHD until they child is 6 and won't diagnose until 7 (which is when DS was diagnosed). I think this is because as @BertieBotts says a lot of ADHD traits could be considered normal in a very young child.

With ASD however they will diagnose much younger - DS was referred at 2 and diagnosed at 3. Some children with ASD can develop quite atypically and in a unmistakable way that suggests autism - so they will diagnose earlier.

No sleep since newborn she used to be up every 30 mins for bottle/dummy/cuddles

hyperactive from a very early age

nothing used to satisfy her playtime wise moving from activity to activity constantly

needed constant attention (grandparents/parents/kids)

always on the go running round dancing singing just couldn’t keep still

only thing that seems to keep her focus for more than 5 mins is craft related play drawing is a good one for her

DD is now 6 and we have been reffered for ADHD

"Were you and your partner always sure, or did you think it was normal toddler behaviour and they’d grow out of it?"

I mostly just thought I was a shot parent. My then H implied much the same, thought I want doing enough, should be more strict, but checked out himself.

DS was high octane. Constantly moving, making noise. Making mess. Struggled to get to sleep. Impulsive. Got excluded from.preschool because they couldn't manage his behaviour. He was fast, no thought to consequences. Didn't care if I left without him, so that was a useless threat. Always wanted hefty physical input and would climb, dangle, invert, spin, want to be swung violently, squeezed tightly, would roll himself up in things or cram himself into small spaces. The scariest was running at full speed into solid objects because he enjoyed the impact.

But it wasn't even suggested that there were any concerns until he got to primary school, then it was all sanctions, suggestions of parenting courses, extra support for me at home, suggestions I wasn't coping alongside implications that this was causing his behaviour as opposed to the other way round.
He got diagnosed just after he turned 8. As is standard.

He's doing very well nowadays. He has friends. He is on medication. He is learning, somewhat, to manage his behaviours. He is charming and sweet and funny and does extra curricular sports that allow him the physical input he needs.

Whatever happens, and I doubt you'll get any diagnosis until He's at least 7, just try and keeping reminding yourself and him of all the positives about him.

Hard to say at 2 especially as most pf the symptoms weren't noticeable until dc was at school eg forgetfulness, not sitting on their chair, blurting out in class, disruptive in class. The symptoms became really noticeable during puberty. They weren't diagnosed until age 17 so really any red flags were only noticed in hindsight.

Pre school dc was always curious and would often bolt if we were out for a walk - but i think thats pretty normal.

I think it must be really hard to diagnose young. Much of the ADHD behaviours are normal immature child traits, we started to realise DS had ADHD when he wasn't growing out of them, so he's 7+.

We always had a feeling but she was far too young to get diagnosed but the older she’s got the worste it’s gone tbh

she’s always been sassy and the life and soul of the room But now she’s in school it’s getting her the attention for all the wrong reasons Teachers have picked up on things too so I know I’m not going mad!

She’s like a whirlwind when she arrived home from school (I think she masks it all day to behave in a certain way) so once the mask comes out it’s just an explosion of behaviour right until bedtime

Hi any updates after all this time ? Thanks

@Toddlermun123 Hello, this is really interesting to reread what I wrote about my youngest 2 years later :)) He’s still a handful, can take the house apart in 2 seconds, he’s a cheeky trouble-maker and asks a million questions a second. At home we are definitely seeing a lot of the “coke-bottle” effect, as he has massive melt-downs after a long-day at school. BUT he’s really bright, doing really well at pre-school, his motor skills are amazing, he’s usually showing very good social skills, and his milk allergy is a distant memory now as he loves cheese :). He’s a wonderful empathetic human being, so generally I’m not super concerned about him now.

But then he’s only 4, and my oldest is nearly 7, and we are currently going through autism / ADHD assessment with him. The nursery never picked up on anything with my oldest so I never suspected any neurodivergence (terrified that he’d have smth, but not seeing much logically), but at Year 1 his teacher expressed some concerns with his ability to sit still and remain focused on a task. We are pretty sure he does have smth, even if it’s in relatively mild form.

So there we are - you just never know. What I do know is ADHD and autism take many shapes and forms and it does take work from parents, but it’s possible to work with those diagnoses to turn them into advantage. We probably have a long road ahead of us with both of our boys, they are not the easiest to parent, but I am hopeful about their future.

Very interesting to read your answer . I guess I am struggling to understand what a NT child looks like nowadays as from the answers you were given when he was 2.5 Fahd presents so differently and you can have an easy toddler who ends up being diagnosed later or a very high energy one who can be diagnosed fairly easily