DH didn't change her clothes

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

That’s disgusting. I’d be livid. But he now knows you won’t trust him to go away by yourself again, which may have been the idea.

It's not good, is it? I'm pretty relaxed about clothes. Today for example we were at home so DD was in her jammies till we got dressed at lunchtime. But it just sounds like he couldn't be bothered to do even the basics. Did he have anything to say for himself?

I’d be livid. If it is what the poster above suggests, I’d end the relationship and go for full custody. It’s basic care that you do yourself every day so how can you forget to do it for your child?

I'm very relaxed about clothes when they're little provided they're not mucky, but clean pants and teeth are a bare minimum!

I thought you meant he had her in the same clothes 2 days in a row and was about to say YABU. But not to get her undressed at nighttime? Did he say why? What were the clothes she slept in?

Same clothes two days running is fine, but not in bed too. If she's not brushed her teeth then I'm guessing she's not had a wash either. At best it's lazy parenting

Thats disgusting. He is disgusting.

Suspect it’s to put you off going away overnight. Is he usually an arse?

I would want to know what he was doing when he clearly wasn't caring for your dd.

At that age it's bad. My now 10 year old DD (who dresses herself obviously) will often opt to stay in her PJs on a weekend. But at just 3, it's totally down to the parent to make sure basics are happening.

It would make me wonder what they did do all weekend.

What on earth?? Why? What was his excuse? Did they not leave the house either? Did he wash himself?

Did he change his own clothes aNd brush his own teeth?
Has he never been left with her before? So is he doing this on purpose to punish you?

3 year olds can be unbelievably stubborn. Maybe she refused point blank to get changed and clean her teeth. Rather than it end up as the meltdown from hell your husband went for the 'choose your battles' approach as it was only one night. Would you have preferred he had physically held her down to get her changed? I doubt it.

He’s rank
Your poor dd

This wouldn't bother me at all tbh.

Not brushing her teeth is rank. If she was wearing cotton or sweatshirt material top and bottoms, I couldn't get too worked up about her wearing that for less than 48 hours. She's not a sweaty teen.

Why wasn't she changed?
Sounds like he's either been very lazy or unable to cope. Which is it?

Was it leggings and top so pyjama like or a frilly dress?
Was dd happy?
It s not the end of the world but clearly he purpose ly wanted to rile you?
To make sure you ever leave him?
What s his end game?

Hair brushed? Washed? Fed decent meals at appropriate times? The fuck was he doing?

The living room being in a tip was another message to you also. He doesn’t care.

That’s very worrying
What was he doing and what was going through his mind to not undress her for bed snd at the bare minimum wash her face, hands, bottom etc and brush her teeth?

Not at all surprised you’re upset it is absolutely neglectful of your dish there and really disrespectful and insulting to you

@Legoisthebest

3 year olds can be unbelievably stubborn. Maybe she refused point blank to get changed and clean her teeth. Rather than it end up as the meltdown from hell your husband went for the 'choose your battles' approach as it was only one night. Would you have preferred he had physically held her down to get her changed? I doubt it.

Absolutely I would. It's called parenting! Dressing and brushing teeth aren't negotiable when the child is 3 years old.

Have you shared bedtimes from day one ?
So dd and both parents clearly know the usual routine? Wash change pj brush teeth?
Or was this first time ever he did bedtime? ?
Does he brush his own teeth without being told?

What did he say when you asked him about it? Although teeth and underwear are a minimum in this house.

Gilt so for the sake of one night (when a 3 year old is probably a bit baffled as to why mummy isn't there) you would be happy to have your child physically held down while kicking and screaming in order to change some clothes? Have you met a screaming, hysterical tantruming 3 year old? Sometimes you really do have to pick your battles.
Of course I don't know if this was what happened or the husband was a just a lazy arse. I wonder if the OP actually asked him what happened or just decided to go down the 'my husband is crap' path. (Also how does she know the teeth weren't cleaned?)