DH didn't change her clothes

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

Of course the child isn’t going to come to any harm by essentially not being patented for a day / night.

That’s not the point.

The point is that the partner has opted out, made it clearer that parenting is nothing to do with him, and is all down to her. If he’s in charge, nothing with happen. Not his responsibility.

It’s crap that some of you don’t see any issue with this - presumably because you think sub-standard men are the norm.

But it’s not normal, and it is OK to think this man is a feckless waste of space. Just because the child probably won’t come to any harm, doesn’t mean that’s the low bar people should accept in life.

Would you call the mums that do this sub standard women? I know quite a few that might do the same as OP's DH sometimes even for longer and my standards definitely fall in the school holidays. I only insist on teeth because she has some issues with them.

And brushing their hair?

Completely depends on their hair type.

The teeth and the pants would make me furious. Did he feed her?

MN is a very strange place. Posters on here who think that not brushing a child's hair for a day and not bathing kids everyday is neglect make me laugh. I used to be a child protection social worker, that is so far from actual neglect its ridiculous.

I don't brush my smallest hair ever because its curly and my eldest dosnt always brush her hair. They get a bath once or twice a week and on occasion fall asleep in their clothes. Shocking clearly. Its actually more than normal in the real world.

Op id not be worried about what your dh did if he's usually a hands on good parent. Perhaps they had a chill weekend as a one off.

That's grim to not even change her for bed. What's his excuse.

Would you call the mums that do this sub standard women? I know quite a few that might do the same as OP's DH sometimes even for longer and my standards definitely fall in the school holidays. I only insist on teeth because she has some issues with them.

If mother essentially does 100% of the childcare and lets things slide the odd day/night, then no, of course not. Who would?

A parent (either sex) who doesn’t do any childcare, and then when he’s expected to be the sole responsible one, opts out?

Yes - categorically sub-standard.

How is this confusing?

Op id not be worried about what your dh did if he's usually a hands on good parent.

I really suspect that if he’s usually a ‘hands on good parent’, the OP wouldn’t be on here venting, don’t you think…..?

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

Op id not be worried about what your dh did if he's usually a hands on good parent.

I really suspect that if he’s usually a ‘hands on good parent’, the OP wouldn’t be on here venting, don’t you think…..?

She might if this is the first time she left them over night and his standards massively differ from hers.

Just like some posters think OP is neglectful and not parenting well enough for not brushing her kid's hair or whatever.

@LoveGrooveDanceParty goodness knows as op didn't say anything about how he is the rest of the time and usually in threads like this they do say if their h is a useless piece the rest of the time.