DH didn't change her clothes

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

Sounds like he's a lazy arse 'parent' who thinks all the boring and essential childcare should be your job. He's not the fun uncle or grandparent who can get away with not doing basic hygiene. He's her father.

If he can't do basic childcare and housework, but instead waits for you to get home and hoover up after him, I would question why I'm in this relationship.

I’d be pretty pissed off if he didn’t try to up his game considerably next time.

You both need to up your game, tbh.

I wish people would stop trying to shame the OP. Leaving a child in her clothes overnight occasionally because she’s fallen asleep in them is nothing. Nothing compared to actual emotional or physical harm of a child. And some hair types need less brushing than others.

op sometimes leaves dd in her clothes if she falls asleep on the sofa

that is sloppy behaviour.

Just because the kid says they had a good time doesn't mean neglect wasn't involved.

Neither does the fact she kept the same clothes on or even the teeth brushing - both of these things in isolation do not constitute abuse. Neglect is abuse. Please save it for the actual neglected children, it this kid who skipped brushing her teeth for a day and slept in her clothes

@TheFairyCaravan

You both need to up your game, tbh.

i agree

you have no leg to stand on op.
use this opportunity to look at both your parenting

@MrsLargeEmbodied

op sometimes leaves dd in her clothes if she falls asleep on the sofa

that is sloppy behaviour.

Oh fuck sake it's not 'sloppy behaviour' to leave your kid asleep if they have crashed out in their clothes.

You're upset about her being in the same clothes for 2 days but don't ever brush her hair?

How do you know he didn't brush her teeth? Why didn't he?

I can't get worked up about her being in the same clothes. Sometimes my DD asks to go to bed in her clothes. Normally just cotton leggings. That's fine by me as they're not much different to her pyjamas.
Were her clothes dirty?

@clockover

for fuck's sake to you,
it is sloppy.
you might do that as an adult - after a night on the tiles, but not to a child.

I'm pretty laid back and wouldn't have bothered about either: long tiring day where DC goes to bed in comfy, day clothes with teeth brushed and clothes changed in the morning or the same clothes on after PJs in the night. I've even occasionally missed teeth brushing if they've stayed up late for something special fallen asleep and been carried to bed.

It depends for me whether generally DH is hands on and competent and had a busy, fun day where things slid a bit or whether normally you do it all and the one time you were away he couldn't be bothered as looking after DD is 'your job'. It's impossible for any of us to know that.

[quote MrsLargeEmbodied]@clockover

for fuck's sake to you,
it is sloppy.
you might do that as an adult - after a night on the tiles, but not to a child.[/quote]
Do you think the child minded?

Was she harmed by sleeping in one set of cotton clothes rather than another?

Would waking her and changing her into another set of clothes have been better for her, really??

@MrsDeaconClaybourne

I'm pretty laid back and wouldn't have bothered about either: long tiring day where DC goes to bed in comfy, day clothes with teeth brushed and clothes changed in the morning or the same clothes on after PJs in the night. I've even occasionally missed teeth brushing if they've stayed up late for something special fallen asleep and been carried to bed.

It depends for me whether generally DH is hands on and competent and had a busy, fun day where things slid a bit or whether normally you do it all and the one time you were away he couldn't be bothered as looking after DD is 'your job'. It's impossible for any of us to know that.

Absolutely this. I’m surprised he doesn’t look after her on his own regularly over bedtime. Perhaps it’s time to get some more practice in - make a few dates for nights out or away so he gets used to it perhaps?

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

Give over! Nothing has happened to me to have a low opinion of men; and you know what, I don’t have a low opinion of men. However I have a rather low option of people who make massive leaps of logic and are desperate to get bayonets for anyone with different parenting to them.

Nothing similar has happened in my household. But I can empathise with other parents - male of female - that a night might not go plan.

…And the consequences of a small child not brushing their teeth and falling asleep in the same clothes for a night are minimal.

Goodness me, sloppy? DD was exhausted yesterday – woke up poorly in the night so clearly it was brewing – and fell asleep in the bath. We put her to bed with damp hair and no teeth brushing because I’m not going to wake a sleeping child for missing one (1) incidence of teeth brushing.

Ditto she’s slept overnight in clothes before – with a fresh nappy – or gone to nursery in her PJs (again: fresh nappy, fed and clean) because she’ll ask to do that, or fall asleep when dressed, and why cause a fuss over nothing? Kids don’t need a bath every day, and a little bit of relaxed home time is as important as a regimented routine.

That said I’d want to know the hows/whys from my partner. The living room being a tip wouldn’t bother me; some kids are whirlwinds and who wants to tidy when they can sit down with wine once they’re finally in bed?

Christ. The too-clean-for-dandruff lot on this thread are infuriating. I loathe people who use the word 'sloppy' - they're invariably too fucking pleased with themselves.

@Fluffyhairdontcare

She had been fed properly and told me that she'd had a lovely time. They went out to do a few things in the morning.

On very rare occasions, I've left DD in her clothes overnight, if she's fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs or in the car but always changed her in the morning. She had tights on. He'd just put more layers over the top the next day to keep her warm.

She doesn't have a bath every night and I don't brush her hair (I don't brush my hair much either). It was laziness.

Sounds fine then. It s an agreed way of doing things No big deal.

@LetHimHaveIt

bit uncalled for
the op was unhappy with her DH with his behaviour, yet she does the same.
plenty of people do it according to this thread.

@Mooster62

The OP says that she doesn't give the child a bath every night, nor brush her hair very often and has left her in her clothes overnight. Her husband probably felt it was fine as he was following the example of the OP. If she feels it is OK why is she upset that her DP did the same for one night. Both should up their game.

The OP says clothes overnight is on rare occasions when she has e.g. fallen asleep while still dressed.

OP, we need more info. What has your DH said? Does he dress/bath/ look after DD usually e.g. when you’re both home?

@LetHimHaveIt - i guess you also leave your dc in their same clothes day and night

Girls not changing underwear can lead to infections. He's disgusting.

Did he brush his own teeth and change his own clothes? Yes. But he didnt give a shit about his helpless child being kept clean. How many nights would he have left her like that?

What's he said?

Kids falling asleep fully dressed? If they are doing that why are they not being put to bed at the time they need to sleep? To use that as an excuse for not changing clothes and not brushing teeth is a bit sad in my view. Kids need structure and reliability from their parents not chaos.

What a lazy, incompetent twat.