DH didn't change her clothes

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

Pot kettle black OP. Its okay for you if she sleeps in clothes on occasion but not for your dh. You haven't said if its one of those times she just fell asleep and didn't want to disturb her.

And the teeth brushing is just that one time not like its every day its being missed.

I wouldn't get so worked up over one missed toothbrushes night, after all those are her baby teeth that will fall out and one night doesn't mean she is suddenly doing to develop decay overnight! Honestly some people are so hysterical over this its quite funny. Quite a different matter though if her teeth weren't being brushed regularly.

Lazy fucker, leaving anything slightly fiddly to you. That’s all it is.

This is MN at its most unpleasantly insane.

Dad has a nice day with child and lets some things slide. Child is warm and happy and fed.

How on earth can anyone leap from that to the man punishing/controlling/whatevering the woman and being guilty of child neglect to boot?

I would hate to encounter all these "livid" and "fuming" people in real life.

And what's the MN obsession with tidy sitting rooms all about?

Thanks to posters who've said that leaving dd in leggings and a t-shirt if she's fallen asleep already isn't a problem. It's happened twice in her life, not a regular thing. The people saying I'm incompetent because I don't bath her every day or brush her hair regularly are people who change their sheets every other night. They're better people than I'll ever be.

DD has v short curly hair and it doesn't need to be brushed every day.

I’m repeating what other poster have said - it’s weaponised incompetence. If you have TikTok there are excellent videos about it #weaponizedincompetence. The US spelling gets more hits.

This video also sums it up!

Yes your child’s hair needs brushing- no I don’t change my sheets daily but your a parent, teach your child good hygiene:
Every day get dressed
Every day brush teeth twice a day
Brush your hair
Wash your face- moisturise your face if needed

I don’t know how you can have a go at your partner when you are quite “relaxed” yourself!

So what’s the plan going forward OP? Does he accept/agree that he was being unacceptably lazy? Or does he think it’s fine? In which case….

It's not verging on, it is neglect!
Has he even fed her?

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

Kids falling asleep fully dressed? If they are doing that why are they not being put to bed at the time they need to sleep? To use that as an excuse for not changing clothes and not brushing teeth is a bit sad in my view. Kids need structure and reliability from their parents not chaos.

The OP says that's happened very rarely. You make it sound like she's always allowed to stay up all hours. Stop misrepresenting what she's saying.

As long as she was happy, I wouldn't really go mental over it but then I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone that lazy tbh.

Our DC always had baths, teeth cleaned and clean PJ's every night before bed as that's what I do myself.

Neglect is never having tooth- brushing routines so your children suffer unnecessary decay. It isn’t not brushing teeth very occasionally.

Neglect is your child being cold and/or wet because you aren’t providing bedclothes or protection from night wetting if they are required.

Neglect is being ignored for hours and hours over childhood.

Neglect is living in a hazardous environment full of germs from long term hoarding and never cleaning up food waste. It isn’t having a slightly chaotic sitting room.

None of these things are happening to this child!

As long as she was happy my eldest would prob be really happy if I fed her chocolate all day, watched endless
Paw patrol and didnt brush her hair

It's not verging on, it is neglect! Has he even fed her?

What hysteria. That’s not neglect. Not even close. Kid in leggings and shirt allowed to sleep in them overnight and have cruisy time the following day. This will not make a kid sick folks. Not brushing teeth for a night will not cause tooth decay or make their mouth explode. Her head will not need to be shaved - and if curly hair it may well be it can’t be brushed everyday anyway (I have one with curly hair who can only brush it fortnightly immediately before washing it or they sport a full-on 70’s Afro).

Tbh, the only thing that would have bothered me was the living room. However, I would have sat back with a wine playing with child or watching tv and gleefully watched him clean it up around me.

Young kids don’t need to be bathed/showered everyday, it will actually do more harm than good. How are they getting so dirty under their clothes.

They won’t die or get infections if they fall asleep with their clothes on. You will not get infections from sleeping in your underwear 🙄

Your teeth won’t fall out if you don’t brush them before you go to bed every now and then.

Some of the replies on this thread are absolutely ridiculous. I’m shocked how many overly anxious parents there are.

No way would I wake my sleeping child to wash them, change them or brush their teeth.
Let them sleep and do it the next day, nothing bad will happen in those few extra hours.

@WonderfulYou

Young kids don’t need to be bathed/showered everyday, it will actually do more harm than good. How are they getting so dirty under their clothes.

They won’t die or get infections if they fall asleep with their clothes on. You will not get infections from sleeping in your underwear 🙄

Your teeth won’t fall out if you don’t brush them before you go to bed every now and then.

Some of the replies on this thread are absolutely ridiculous. I’m shocked how many overly anxious parents there are.

No way would I wake my sleeping child to wash them, change them or brush their teeth.
Let them sleep and do it the next day, nothing bad will happen in those few extra hours.

It’s not anxiety it’s just routine and common sense- has my 4 year old ever gone to sleep without brushing her teeth- probably twice max- also it’s quite possible to put a child in pyjamas if they fall asleep on say a car journey home.

Also why do people say children don’t need a daily wash - I assume it’s adults who don’t wash daily who say this-
Just disgusting tbh

No just a world where children are properly looked after. You should visit sometime, you might learn something.

^^ I have curly hair and brush my hair 2x week max. Would look awful brushed everyday

It’s not anxiety it’s just routine and common sense- has my 4 year old ever gone to sleep without brushing her teeth- probably twice max- also it’s quite possible to put a child in pyjamas if they fall asleep on say a car journey home.

Also why do people say children don’t need a daily wash - I assume it’s adults who don’t wash daily who say this-
Just disgusting tbh

I love MN! 😂😂
I’m surprised no ones been on here to say how disgusting it is to only bath their child once a day and it must be done at least x3 a day.

I would bath my child daily as a routine too not because they were dirty but it helped them sleep. Its way more important to let them sleep than wake them and change them, so if they fell asleep earlier than expected I wouldn’t have a panic attack over it.

Adults don’t need to wash daily either, again I personally do it as my routine.
There must be some very stinky parents and children if they can’t go a few hours without washing.
Maybe see the gp if you are concerned as there are genuine conditions that mean your skin starts to smell if it’s not washed regularly and it’s more common than people realise.

@WonderfulYou

It’s not anxiety it’s just routine and common sense- has my 4 year old ever gone to sleep without brushing her teeth- probably twice max- also it’s quite possible to put a child in pyjamas if they fall asleep on say a car journey home.

Also why do people say children don’t need a daily wash - I assume it’s adults who don’t wash daily who say this-
Just disgusting tbh

I love MN! 😂😂
I’m surprised no ones been on here to say how disgusting it is to only bath their child once a day and it must be done at least x3 a day.

I would bath my child daily as a routine too not because they were dirty but it helped them sleep. Its way more important to let them sleep than wake them and change them, so if they fell asleep earlier than expected I wouldn’t have a panic attack over it.

Adults don’t need to wash daily either, again I personally do it as my routine.
There must be some very stinky parents and children if they can’t go a few hours without washing.
Maybe see the gp if you are concerned as there are genuine conditions that mean your skin starts to smell if it’s not washed regularly and it’s more common than people realise.

Perhaps speak to your HV if you find it too difficult to find 20mins in the day to bath your child and brush their teeth- just takes some organisation

also it’s quite possible to put a child in pyjamas if they fall asleep on say a car journey home.
I love it when people make blanket statements like this based on their children. You know children are people? Who are all different? DD would wake up and howl from being woken, then fail to fall asleep again having “topped up” her energy levels, if we even tried to move her from a car seat once asleep, let alone change her clothes. I would wake up if you changed my clothes when I was asleep. Children aren’t magical sleepy beings.

And they don’t all need daily hair-brushing – as per pp, DD has curly hair. Daily brushing and she’d look like a hedge. She needs a weekly detangle spray and wet comb then to be left alone, bar scissoring out any craft materials she sticks in there.

Stop judging OP based on your child’s needs. (This is a collective you, not to any particular poster.)

Perhaps speak to your HV if you find it too difficult to find 20mins in the day to bath your child and brush their teeth- just takes some organisation

It’s unnecessary for children to have a bath every day. Teeth are essential twice a day, baths absolutely not.

Of course the child isn’t going to come to any harm by essentially not being patented for a day / night.

That’s not the point.

The point is that the partner has opted out, made it clearer that parenting is nothing to do with him, and is all down to her. If he’s in charge, nothing with happen. Not his responsibility.

It’s crap that some of you don’t see any issue with this - presumably because you think sub-standard men are the norm.

But it’s not normal, and it is OK to think this man is a feckless waste of space. Just because the child probably won’t come to any harm, doesn’t mean that’s the low bar people should accept in life.

@RobinPenguins

Perhaps speak to your HV if you find it too difficult to find 20mins in the day to bath your child and brush their teeth- just takes some organisation

It’s unnecessary for children to have a bath every day. Teeth are essential twice a day, baths absolutely not.

And brushing their hair?

The clothes wouldn't bother me , but the teeth really would.

Over all, it's definitely not best (or even good) standard of care , but not that awful either.

@dworky

It's not verging on, it is neglect! Has he even fed her?

She had been fed properly and told me that she'd had a lovely time

At least read the OP's posts, even if you don't read anything else.

And it is not neglect.