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Original poster

DH didn't change her clothes

209 replies

Fluffyhairdontcare · 24/10/2021 22:44

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

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Mooster62 · 25/10/2021 07:15

The OP says that she doesn't give the child a bath every night, nor brush her hair very often and has left her in her clothes overnight. Her husband probably felt it was fine as he was following the example of the OP. If she feels it is OK why is she upset that her DP did the same for one night. Both should up their game.

spotcheck · 25/10/2021 07:19

Well, if you do the same with her, then what is the problem?

rainbowstardrops · 25/10/2021 07:23

Incredibly lazy. Useless fucker.

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ParmigianoReggiano · 25/10/2021 07:25

Ah your update makes things better. I thought you were going to say he sat around on his arse all weekend. If he fed her well and took her out and did nice things with her and generally made an effort I'd overlook the change of clothes and teeth brushing this time.

RosieLemonade · 25/10/2021 07:27

Neither of you sound great to be honest.

SpeakingFranglais · 25/10/2021 07:30

Unbelievable lazy

How long does it take to shower a child down and get clean clothes on. 15 minutes max, I reckon I could get it done and teeth brushed in about 8.

DockOTheBay · 25/10/2021 07:31

@SpeakingFranglais

Unbelievable lazy

How long does it take to shower a child down and get clean clothes on. 15 minutes max, I reckon I could get it done and teeth brushed in about 8.

Have you ever met a 3 year old??

Toddlers don't get so dirty that they require a shower every day. Many adults don't even shower daily.

Essen · 25/10/2021 07:34

To be honest, it sounds like you don’t really have a routine that either of you follow. Maybe you both need to do a bit more.

Choccorocco · 25/10/2021 07:35

I wouldn’t be bothered about the clothes but brushing teeth is important. Still - is the kid happy? Did she have a nice time? Did they play games together and have cuddles? Or was she ignored for the duration? Was she fed properly? I wouldn’t kick off about the clothes unless he was neglectful in these other areas.

GagaBinks · 25/10/2021 07:38

This is weaponized incompetence. He didn't want you to go away so he deliberately did a shit job so you'll think twice about doing it again.

SisterJude · 25/10/2021 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobinPenguins · 25/10/2021 07:42

This is really pathetic. You don’t need to bath a 4 year old child every night and depending on their hair it may not need to be brushed every night (my 3 year old DD’s doesn’t need to be). OP deserves no criticism for either of those things, suggesting her DH thought it was ok to do the square root of fuck all for the night isn’t arising from that.

Pyjamas, teeth and washing hands and face are non negotiables. Parenting is about so much more than just going and doing fun stuff. I could let my DD play on her tablet and eat sweets the whole weekend, let her stay up late, let her keep the same clothes on and not brush her teeth, and she would say she had a great time and was happy, but that would be no indication whatsoever that I’d pulled my weight as a parent. “If the child had fun that’s good enough” is not good enough.

tiredanddangerous · 25/10/2021 07:44

Did he actively put her to bed in bed clothes or did she fall asleep and he didn't want to wake her to get changed? There's a difference.

tiredanddangerous · 25/10/2021 07:45

In her clothes not bed Blush

thenewduchessofhastings · 25/10/2021 07:48

I think the bar has been set awfully low here;the fact people are willing to overlook not bothering to change a kids clothes,washing her in any capacity and or have abit of a tidy up after themselves because he actually fed the kid and left the house with her is ridiculous.

He's treated his DD as though she's little more than a dog you feed and exercise.

He's doing a pretty good job of ensuring OP doesn't leave him in charge to take care of his own child in the future isn't he?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 25/10/2021 07:48

What about the stuff you can’t immediately see?
Has he fed her?
How did they spend the day?
My bet would be on a tablet or in front of the TV all day if he can’t even muster the energy to put the poor mite in some comfy pyjamas.

I’d be very concerned about this. What on earth was he thinking?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 25/10/2021 07:49

Just seen your update. It looks like you’re already making excuses for him so I’ll bow out of this one now.

Standrewsschool · 25/10/2021 07:50

A one-off incidence is laziness rather than neglect.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 25/10/2021 07:55

You don’t brush her hair. She doesn’t have a bath as part of her bedtime routine and you concede you’ve left her in the same clothes over night before.

So you’re basically objecting to the fact he didn’t bush her teeth.

inmyslippers · 25/10/2021 07:55

This is weaponized incompetence. He didn't want you to go away so he deliberately did a shit job so you'll think twice about doing it again.

^^this I'm the most laid back parent ever but teeth are always brushed.

smoko · 25/10/2021 07:56

Just because the kid says they had a good time doesn't mean neglect wasn't involved.

Letting them eat chocolate for dinner is fun for kids, doesn't mean it's great parenting.

Having "fun" is Disney Dadding. The boring gruntwork is parenthood. So while it's important that the child is happy, that doesn't necessarily mean they were well cared for.

AtlasPine · 25/10/2021 07:59

He has not ‘trees red her like a dog.’

He entertained her, fed her and wrapped her up warmly to go out.

He should have cleaned her teeth. That’s the non-negotiable with regards to practical care. The PJ thing is lazy but nothing that has caused her any harm.

Leaving the place a tip is thoughtless. If it’s the first time op has been away, it would have been nice of him to make sure she came back to a tidy house.

I’d be having a long hard word with him but not packing my bags. The absolute most important thing over the one night was that the child was safe and happy.

AtlasPine · 25/10/2021 08:00

Treated

HuhWhatNow · 25/10/2021 08:00

@Legoisthebest

3 year olds can be unbelievably stubborn. Maybe she refused point blank to get changed and clean her teeth. Rather than it end up as the meltdown from hell your husband went for the 'choose your battles' approach as it was only one night. Would you have preferred he had physically held her down to get her changed? I doubt it.
Picking battles is not an excuse for neglect. Damn fucking right I would expect my husband to take control of a three year old and make her get changed and brush her teeth!!!
LIZS · 25/10/2021 08:00

So his "neglect" is just an extension of your casual attitude in not always changing her for bed and brushing her hair Hmm