DH didn't change her clothes

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

Been away from home for a night, left DH and DD3 at home. Got home earlier to find that dh hadn't changed DD from the clothes I put her in. She hadn't worn Pyjamas so spent all of yesterday, all night and all today in the same clothes including underwear. Living room was a tip. Her teeth weren't brushed.

Verging on neglectful and I'm really upset about it.

[quote MrsLargeEmbodied]@LetHimHaveIt

bit uncalled for
the op was unhappy with her DH with his behaviour, yet she does the same.
plenty of people do it according to this thread.[/quote]
Yes, they absolutely do. You're the one calling them 'sloppy' 🤢, telling her to have a look at her parenting, and agreeing that she needs to 'up her game'. Prim, censorious bit, aren't you?

I didn't see much wrong with what was detailed in the OP, as a one-off; I was completely baffled when the OP - who seemed to be one step away from MN staple 'sitting here shaking and crying' - then described very similar behaviour on her part.

None of this is neglect. Nor is it 'sloppy'. Nor, I suspect, is he trying to stop OP going out again or 'disrespecting' her.

I have no idea why she posted, honestly.

My four year occasionally sleeps in the soft clothing she wore that day, yes. Or wears into the next day, what she wore to bed. Her teeth are brushed every night. She bathes about three times a week, which is ample for a small child.

I know, from many years in the field, what the courts consider to be broadly the benchmark for 'neglect'.
This isn't within a million miles of that.

i guess she posted, and then realised herself she did the same thing @LetHimHaveIt

I'd be fuming, OP. He's lazy and neglectful.

my dh put my toddler to bed and she had to go to nursery the next day in slippers because he had undressed her all over the house and i could not find her shoes!

@Fluffyhairdontcare

She had been fed properly and told me that she'd had a lovely time. They went out to do a few things in the morning.

On very rare occasions, I've left DD in her clothes overnight, if she's fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs or in the car but always changed her in the morning. She had tights on. He'd just put more layers over the top the next day to keep her warm.

She doesn't have a bath every night and I don't brush her hair (I don't brush my hair much either). It was laziness.

Blimey you both sound pretty lazy to be honest. Why on earth wouldn’t you brush her hair and undress her to put her in bed.

She said ‘on very rare occasions’.

This place can be such a cesspit if sanctimonious holier-than-thou domestic self-appointed magistrates sometimes.

i dont think it is holier than thou to put night clothes on toddlers

Like I said, it depends on so many things. I had 3 under 5 and was SAHM I regularly looked after them on my own because DH was away for work. If he'd had them for a night and done this I'd have been really cross. I'd have thought I do it day in day out and it's hard work doing it right - he can't be bothered for one night. If you regularly share caring for your DD it wouldn't bother me anywhere near as much.

These days, now the DC are much older, we share everything much more equally so if I was away and he let things slide I'd shrug and hope he'd had a nice weekend

But it is holier then thou to negatively judge someone who ‘very occasionally’ doesn’t want to wake a sleeping child to do so.

the op is judging her dh

op you need to learn to trust your partner

I couldn't get worked up about one missed teeth brushing and sleeping in clothes as a one off, it was one night, not one week, breathe.

I don’t think it’s neglect but it’s poor, lazy parenting.

There is no way my husband would have done that. Unfortunately I do agree that the bar is depressingly low for a lot of men. He’s basically done the bare minimum this weekend hasn’t he. What a great Dad 🙄

That’s disgusting. And deliberately so. He’s “punishing” you for going away by neglecting DD. That’s really cruel. What was his explanation?

You’re just trying to make a distressed mum feel worse. It was a bit shitty of him to leave the place in chaos. And if he doesn’t often have his daughter by himself, it might have been good to try and stick to her routine. It’s not the end of the world or the marriage though.

Hopefully they’ll communicate their feelings to each other and move on. Meanwhile, the child is absolutely fine.

@SisterJude

You both sound lazy. Why don't you brush her hair? If you carry on like that , when she goes to school they'll probably pick up on the neglect, thankfully.

Neglect? From occasional unbrushed hair at age 3? I think you may be living in some sort of fantasy world.

@AtlasPine

You’re just trying to make a distressed mum feel worse. It was a bit shitty of him to leave the place in chaos. And if he doesn’t often have his daughter by himself, it might have been good to try and stick to her routine. It’s not the end of the world or the marriage though.

Hopefully they’ll communicate their feelings to each other and move on. Meanwhile, the child is absolutely fine.

It's very easy to encourage strangers on the internet to upend their lives to give you entertainment over 20 pages. OP please bear this in mind when reading some of the more extreme suggestions on this thread.

How did they spend the day?
My bet would be on a tablet or in front of the TV all day if he can’t even muster the energy to put the poor mite in some comfy pyjamas.

OP said he took her out and she reported that she'd had a lovely time. It's really quite ironic to criticise someone else for lacking energy when you can't even be bothered to read the relevant posts.

my toddlers always were changed for bed, i am not prim, teeth brushing might have been forgotten,

@MrsLargeEmbodied

my toddlers always were changed for bed, i am not prim, teeth brushing might have been forgotten,

Yes teeth brushing is the important bit

(I say this from a place of having spent literally thousands and thousands of pounds on my teeth following a childhood with a deeply depressed mum and incompetent, detached dad who never supervised tooth brushing. I literally had the same toothbrush throughout childhood. Always wore pjs though.. )

@Lalliella

That’s disgusting. And deliberately so. He’s “punishing” you for going away by neglecting DD. That’s really cruel. What was his explanation?

I think this is a massive stretch

[quote MrsLargeEmbodied]@clockover

for fuck's sake to you,
it is sloppy.
you might do that as an adult - after a night on the tiles, but not to a child.[/quote]

Do what to a child? You are acting as if sleeping in her clothes did her harm.

Unclench hen, unclench.

Children’s clothes today aren’t uncomfortable and pretty well interchangeable with night clothes. It’s not like she would have been in a Liberty bodice and six layers of petticoat under a woollen dress and shawl.

[quote Tenfifteen]@LoveGrooveDanceParty

Give over! Nothing has happened to me to have a low opinion of men; and you know what, I don’t have a low opinion of men. However I have a rather low option of people who make massive leaps of logic and are desperate to get bayonets for anyone with different parenting to them.

Nothing similar has happened in my household. But I can empathise with other parents - male of female - that a night might not go plan.[/quote]
‘Might not go to plan’?!

What plan? There was no plan - he just opted out of parenting because he couldn’t be arsed.

But, he’s just a man - we can’t possibly expect any more from him, the poor, incapable dear.