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Original poster

How was your 1st visit to your 1st mum & baby group??? Nervous 1st time mum.

35 replies

cupcake78 · 24/10/2007 08:50

As a first time mum I am beginning to feel like I have cabin fever and need to fill my days with more than just baby talk and cleaning up baby sick. DS is 4 weeks on Sat and I have found some groups to go to but I have yet to pluck up the courage and go!!!

I used to be relatively confident and able to meet and talk to new people. During the latter stages of my pregnancy that confidence went and has not come back, if anything it has dimished further !!

What do I do when I get there!! How was your 1st trip to mum and baby group?? Is ds to young to go??

any advice.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pruners · 24/10/2007 08:53

Message withdrawn

dooley1 · 24/10/2007 08:54

What kind of group are you thinking of going to?
If it is a Mother and Toddler group in a local church hall it is more likely for you to chat to other mum's than for ds.
There are more specific ones for babies like baby massage, singing and sgning etc
There is also baby rhyme time at the library but that is usually from 6 months although no one will kick you out for turning up!!
Just go to as many as you can and don't worry if you don't go back to a few, you can pick and choose what you want to go to.
Have you thought of joing the NCT, that is an easy way to get started too.

SharpMolarBear · 24/10/2007 08:55

Go!!!!
Your baby will probably be (one of) the youngest there, and you will be surrounded by people wanting to coo over him!

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wheelybug · 24/10/2007 08:56

I didn't brave it to mother and baby groups until dd was almost 1. I went to organised stuff before that (swimming, music groups) but toddler groups were just tooo daunting. However, when I went along I realised I should have gone earlier.

I know you hear horror stories but I have never encountered these. A lot of these groups have baby sections with play mat etc and I'd imagine this is quite easy to strike up conversations with other mothers as you're in one place and not chasing a toddler from room to room.

Good luck and remember - if it doesn't work out you can leave or never go back !

AeFondKiss · 24/10/2007 09:04

a good baby group can be easier than straight to toddlers iyswim... if this is your pfb then a very busy toddler group could be quite a shock!

I had a good first time experience of going to a toddler group, which had a room which the mums could use to meet whenever, there was a baby group once a week, I met some of my best friends there, their dc and my dd are very good friends even though we live hundreds of miles away now....

so you can have good experiences, you have to be willing to make the effort, and keep going even if it does feel like social agony... it is good to go as early as possible, having a new tinty baby is a great way to get chatting to people.

good luck, cabin fever was the thing that got me taking my dd to group from when she was 4 weeks old

purpleflower · 24/10/2007 09:08

DS is one and I still don't have my confidence back to go to one. Get it over and done with, I just keep putting it off and now I can't go (too nervous)!

Original poster

cupcake78 · 24/10/2007 09:09

wow I wasn't expecting so many replys so quickly.

I know I need to go but don't want to be sat in the corner on my own as I will probabley just cry (hormones are all over the place!!). DS will be asleep or most likely crying so not likely to be playful. Do you just pop in or stay for the full two hours??

Is it just a case of go to everything to start with?

OP posts:

RubyShivers · 24/10/2007 09:12

go! It was the best thing i did tbh
i was also at home with my PFB and going slightly stir crazy
it was a good reason to get up and out of the house
you will find that most groups are a real mixture of people but if you go to a mum and baby group as opposed to a mum and toddler group, most of you will be in failry similar situations
say hi to whoever you end up sitting next to .. you will find conversation will soon flow!

GogoTheSmall · 24/10/2007 09:15

I went to my first group two weeks ago (dd is 7 months) and tbh I wish I'd started to go earlier as dd was very nervous of the noise and we had to leave early. Second time was much better though.

I found the other mums were really friendly, and there was no pressure, so you could either chat or listen to someone else's conversation or just play with your lo - I noticed a few mums giving more attention to their babies than to the other mums. It was a nice easy atmosphere and I wish I'd plucked up courage sooner!

GooseyLoosey · 24/10/2007 09:16

Go. I did have some not great experiences but the positives more than out wieghed them. I met some lovely people and we now regularly go out to the pub together and knowing children from toddlers really helped my ds when he started school this year.

Slubberdegullion · 24/10/2007 09:23

cupcake do go, and persevere if the first time is not brilliant.

My village M&T group was my absolute life line. When we moved I didn't know a soul, but after a few times of going and chatting to people with the same age children as mine it all got a lot easier.

Now some of my best friends are the ladies I met at the group.

And I'm also chair and treasurer and singing mummy of the group now (the dangers of being too enthusiastic)

Bumperlicious · 24/10/2007 09:31

My HV said people will all look like they know each other but they probably don't. I walked in to Bumps & babes and nearly turned round and walked back out. You just have to be brave, find someone who looks friendly and sit down next to them.

My first trip out was to breast feeding group, DD was 6 days old & it was the first time we had gone out on our own and my first time driving with her. I reversed my car into a wall in the car park and walked into the community centre bawling!

gingernutlover · 24/10/2007 14:38

do go, everything poeple have said here is what i have found too - most groups are really friendly and i have been to a few! and you dont have to go back if its not for you but i would say it took a couple of visits to each one before i decided on a couple i actually enjoyed.

dd was nearly 11 weeks when i first went but i did go to a postnatal group before that which was catually rubbish and i wished i had gone to other groups sooner. I have seen brand new babies at them so its never too early.

I have def sat in the corner and not spoken to anyone a couple of times, but thats okay and at least it gets you out fo the house! MOst groups will have a friendly helper or several who will take the initiative and come to chat to newbies.

I have also sat and burst into tears at a few, and eneded up starting off other mums - a big cry-in

but honestly, they'll be others babies, things for your babies to look at, a cup of tea and a friendly face so def worth going, especially as its nearing winter too.

My dd was born in september and that first winter was the hardest for me and i know if i had gone to these groups sooner it probably would have made a lot of things easier

gingernutlover · 24/10/2007 14:41

just read your second post and wanted to say, dd was a very much "cry all the time" baby and i found this so much easier to bear if there were other people around.

think my pnd started because i was at home on my own with little screamer for far too long

Lulabellx1 · 24/10/2007 15:50

Please go! I am a first time mum too and my little one was born 4 weeks ago. I went to a breast feeding group last week but my baby was by far the youngest there (all others were 4 months plus).

It was great because the other mum's had really good advice for me and not just about breast feeding, also about all manner of questions i had which kept slipping out of my head when the HV came round. I had major cabin fever and was getting really miserable and depressed at home. I only felt better the day i stepped out the house and went to this baby group. Since then my spouts of tears have been decreasing and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

If you were the kind of person who didnt really enjoy sitting around on your bum all day before you had baby, then you need to be out and about. The first person you see at the group will start chatting to you... probably to tell you just how georgous your baby is. And you will be suprised just how much you will have to talk about. Good Luck! Lu x

mmelody · 24/10/2007 17:51

I know EXACTLY what you mean though cupcake. In my old life I was a busy and confident professional and met new people every day without a care. It took me 4 weeks to pluck up the courage to go to the locam M+B group and I was SO anxious before entering the building. It was fine though and I am glad I went. Only 5 of us there and really really friendly. How about starting with a baby rhyme time at library? I found it a good way to get out and see people without having to walk into room if you know what I mean. Do go I am so glad I did as it adds a little structure to my week. All we do is sit and chat and invariably my LO feeds the whole time.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/10/2007 17:58

go they are usually full of nice friendly mums and you can discuss the colours of baby poo with no shame

Haylstones · 24/10/2007 18:13

I was in a similar situation- not overly confident with new people but determined to get out and about with dd (first time we went shew was a couple of months but we did post natal group with GP surgery before that). I went to our local group for babies under 1 year and walked in, plonked myself down on the mat between 2 mums and said 'do you mind if i join in'. They were really lovely to me and I soon got to know most of the group- we're all still close now. So i say just go for it- nobody ever thinks badly of you for making conversation or making the first move.

Bumperlicious · 24/10/2007 18:14

Also it's great because usually there are loads of mats and stuff and you can just put the LO down and pee in peace or get some cake and someone will keep an eye on them. the amount of times i have come back from getting cake to find someone pacifying my wailing DD!

Plus all the mums love small ones so go while your baby will still get lots off coos and attention & everyone will tell you how great you are for coming out so soon!

Hamishsmummy · 24/10/2007 20:12

Hi, I haven't read all the replies but I just want to say - GO! I started at a baby group when my ds was 11 wks, and I just know that the girls I've met there will be friends for life. It keeps me sane to have a reason to get out of the house at least once a week (and i KNOW the same applies to most of the other mums).

Hamishsmummy · 24/10/2007 20:13

Oh and hamish loves it too

WeaselMum · 24/10/2007 20:15

Felt exactly as you describe cupcake. I finally ventured out on my own when ds was 9 weeks, I think. It was absolutely fine - you can always just remark on how lovely everyone else's babies are (while secretly thinking yours is the most gorgeous/most alert etc). All groups are different though so if you don't enjoy it, try somewhere else. Have fun

Bluestocking · 24/10/2007 20:16

Do go, these groups can be a lifesaver! Where are you? There might be another new or newish mum on here who could go with you. I used to take DS to a breastfeeding group - he's now 3.7 and we still see lots of the mums and LOs from those days.

debinaustria · 24/10/2007 20:25

Yes I agree with everyone - be brave and go. Those Mums/Dads with the older toddlers will love your tiny baby and I'm sure they'll welcome you. As with all groups there are always some cliques but you'll make friends I'm sure.

I went with ds1 when he was only tiny and he was the youngest apart from some who already had siblings at the group. I made lots of friends and at the moment it will be an easy place to go - it's when they're toddlers that they start to show you up!!I was the local Nursery teacher and ds1 wasn't the easiest of Toddlers so I used to hate having to sort him out in front of prospective parents, but it was good for him and in the end it was also good for me as I got to know my next class at toddler group!!

I'm newly pregnant and wish there was a similar group here - but it's purely for toddlers.

Deb

hazeyjane · 24/10/2007 21:23

With dd1 I went to a toddler & baby group and was pretty intimidated by the 'been there,done that, god aren't kids a nightmare...' mums, but had a lot more luck with things like swimming, baby massage, and baby cafe (NCT), where there were mums with babies a similar age, life seemed so much better, and motherhood much more enjoyable once I started going to things like this plus I made some fantastic friends. Talking to people when you have all had babies is pretty easy, as it is such a huge experience, and most people are really glad to be able to talk about it.

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